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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too many after-school activities?

93 replies

Notapushymum1 · 10/03/2018 10:15

Would you judge if you found out that an 8 year old classmate of your child is doing 9 activities per week, which add up to approximately 16 hours per week?

OP posts:
AutoFilled · 10/03/2018 10:18

No.

MrsMotherHen · 10/03/2018 10:19

who cares?

MrsMotherHen · 10/03/2018 10:19

posted to soon as long as the child is enjoying it does it matter?

cucaracha · 10/03/2018 10:20

No, why would I judge?
I might if I was the teacher and the kid was too tired to concentrate or behind in his homework, but otherwise, good for the parents for not plonking him in front of the tv all weekend.

TabbyMumz · 10/03/2018 10:20

Are some of those activities at the weekend? If not and it's just school nights, I'm thinking they could be doing an after school activity until say 4 ish and then another sporting activity later? If so, that's not too bad. Some sports require up to two hours training a night. Depends what it is. Can you give us more detail?

Original poster
Notapushymum1 · 10/03/2018 10:22

It's 7 times a week, 1-2 hours after school and the rest is during the weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notapushymum1 · 10/03/2018 10:23

On top of activities this child also has daily homework and music practice.

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 10/03/2018 10:26

That's not too bad. If they do a particular sport, they could well be required to train every night and at weekends. I know hundreds if 8/9 year olds who do that. Doesn't do them any harm and better than sat at home or roaming round the village looking for friends.

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 10/03/2018 10:27

Some people like to be busy. What's to judge? Would you also judge if you found out an 8 year old had no after school organised clubs?

BeyondThePage · 10/03/2018 10:28

9 activities - as in 9 separate things? or 9 separate occasions?

DD used to go to cadets 2 evenings a week and 1 day at the weekend - (7pm-10pm and 10am to 5pm) 13 hours - one activity. Plus piano 1hr, plus a local art/graffitti scheme 6.30-9.30 - 3 hours - so 17hours a week. (plus piano practise)

She had a couple of evenings free for friends/homework catch up and Sunday free - and was only doing 3 activities.

We had people saying "oh way too much time " etc - but to be honest what else would she do - spend her time on screens like they complain most of their kids do?

arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2018 10:31

I think it's good. Assuming the child enjoys it. I'm more likely to judge if they do none.

As soon as my dc get to 8, it's non negotiable for me that they do at least 1 hour of outside of school sport every day mon-sat. They can choose the sport.

TabbyMumz · 10/03/2018 10:31

I silently judge the parents of kids who don't get taken anywhere and don't do any activities. It's different strokes for different folks. If the child likes the activities, then what's the problem? Is it a sport that they do?

Original poster
Notapushymum1 · 10/03/2018 10:34

No, it's mostly music and educational activities. The family is thought to be too pushy because of that and "kids should be kids" and play outside and have playdates with their classmates, not being subjected to practice/homework on daily basis.

OP posts:
cucaracha · 10/03/2018 10:35

TabbyMumz it's a bit unfair, not everyone can afford to go to activities. Some of my kids friends don't "do" anything, they are on their bike after school or running around, that works too.

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 10:35

What business would that be of mine?

ludothedog · 10/03/2018 10:36

My child does the same. I don't care what others think. DD is happy doing this and enjoys all her activities. It costs a bloody fortune Though! DD is an only child and there aren't kids near us that he can play out with. And it keeps her off gadgets an tv

arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2018 10:38

I've just totted up dds,9, for interest - swim training 3 hours (3 days), football 3 hours (3 days), dance 1 hour, running club 1 hour, brownies 1.5 hours, piano 1 hour, golf 1 hour
That's 11.5 hours. And she has loads of down time spare. The best thing with doing lots is I don't have to limit screen time, she's not in enough to mean she's always on it.

cucaracha · 10/03/2018 10:39

Don't forget that in the UK kids finish their school day really early, around here Primary schools kids are done by 3pm! Plenty of time to do something.

upsideup · 10/03/2018 10:39

My 8 year DS old does 10-12 hours of out of school activities a week and then preformances and competitions on top of that. He doesnt do anything in school that that interests him or that he wants to continue in the future, these activities he enjoys.
I couldnt care less if people want to judge me

MiaowTheCat · 10/03/2018 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2018 10:41

I wouldn't judge particularly, but since you've asked, I do think it's 'worse' now that you've told us it's more educational stuff not sport. They're already at school learning all day.
Does the child enjoy it?

Namechanger2015 · 10/03/2018 10:44

None of my business and I wouldn’t care at all. As long as I’m bringing up my children in a way I consider to be best for them, then other people’s parenting styles are their own. None of us aren’t perfect and we all have differing priorities. There is plenty we could all be judged on, but who really has the time to get worked up about things like this. It’s not exactly child abuse.

KochabRising · 10/03/2018 10:44

I know people like this. Every moment has to be scheduled and filled with a directed activity.

The parents seem unable to exist without external stimulation. My personal view is that it’s essential for children to have downtime and be bored sometimes. That’s when they stop, and think, and develop more imaginative play. It’s important for self regulation and developing a drive that comes from within, rather than being imposed from without. Time to sit and read a book, or look at the clouds, or lie on the grass and wonder at the bugs. Time to THINK.

It’s great that kids do activities if they enjoy them. At the same time, I think too many activiycan be counterproductive. As an introvert it’d be my idea of hell.

The people I encountered at university who had been raised like this struggled as well. It was like they were adrift and unable to self motivate.

TabbyMumz · 10/03/2018 10:44

I think it's up to the parents how they bring their children up. Perhaps they don't want their child spending hours with certain kids, but would rather then do stuff that will keep them entertained etc and on the straight and narrow so to speak. I can certainly relate to that. I was often happier to be taking my child off to sports training rather than him be spending hours with kids in our road mucking about in the road etc. At least I knew where he was and who he was with and I could spend time with him etc. I was often critical of other parents who just seemed to let their kids out for hours on end getting up to mischief, and never watching to see if they were ok. I do think though each to their own. The child will possibly end up quite a rounded child if he is doing lots of activities.

Curiousaboutchoices · 10/03/2018 10:46

It’s you and your child isn’t it op? Why are you concerned if you and your child are content? Or is your child not happy?

For me, as long as the child enjoys it, it’s ok. It’s a lot but kids have different energy levels and interests. That said, I did pull my children from a sporting activity that threatened to take over everything just because I felt it was too much too soon - in primary they need protecting from pushy coaches and sometimes themselves too.

If it’s kumon style academics plus lots of pushy parent selective school type preparation years in advance though then I feel for the child because that’s pushy parenting not child led.