Too many after-school activities?

[Notapushymum1]

Would you judge if you found out that an 8 year old classmate of your child is doing 9 activities per week, which add up to approximately 16 hours per week?

Cucharacha.....lots of activities are free. My parents always took me out and about and they were always careful with their money. Taking your child for a walk costs nothing but time and effort.

Arethereanyleftatall - why non negotiable hour of sport? Are they overweight? If they love sports then it’s fab but if they don’t why would you subject them to it against their will?

Taking your child for a walk costs nothing but time and effort
only if at least one of the parents is not at work, most parents work around here. It's grand-parents and child minders who ferry the kids from one activity to the next, nothing wrong with that.

Would you judge if you found out that a 9 year old child was doing nothing after school and at weekends except play on their own on the computer / tablet and watch tv?

If 'time to just be a child' = screen time and nothing else, then it is as unbalanced and worrying as 'too much activity'.

The OP mentions 9 activities, not 9x1.5-2 hour academic cramming sessions, so i suspect it will be music and orchestras and maybe something Scouting or similar, perhaps a swimming lesson, maybe a session or 2 of Kumon, maybe drama?

Cucharacha..thats not entirely true though is it. You don't need one parent at home for them to be able to take their kids out.

Both me and hubby work full time, we've always got time to be with our kids, take them out etc, and take them to activities too.

I do think it's nonsense with some of the responses to assume that anyone doing activities has no downtime. For a 9 year old, there's about 6 hours daily spare, outside of school time. So, a daily hour long activity still leaves 5 hours - plenty of time for the 'vital boredom'.

Its fine if the child is genuinely happy to do the activities and its not interferring with homework and they have time to relax too. If the parents are pushing a reluctant child too much then that's not good.

Is feel a bit huffy if it was all parent led educational activities and the child didn't have any time for playdates as the OP suggests.

Judgy not huffy.

DD (8) does 11 different classes over 4 different locations (7 performaning arts related, 3 swimming and 1 outward bound). Comments DD has come home with that her friends from school have said certainly seem like there is an element of judgement from the parents. However that is probably because the school is in a disadvantaged area, I'm sure if it was somewhere more affluent than there wouldn't be comments as it would be the norm most of DDs classmates have lots of siblings so finance and logistics are probably a reason there children don't do many.

I'm a single parent and DD is an only child I work so I can afford DDs activities and don't have anyone else to plan around. Interestingly at her dance school nobody bats an eyelid and she has a lighter schedule than most so I guess it depends on what people's 'normal' is as to whether they judge. We can't do after school play dates due to my work and tend to fit one in during the holidays.

No I wouldn't judge at all. They can do whatever they like.
We do five after school activities plus one after school club. Two require a lot of practice and extra input and we do struggle to keep up. I say we because zero practice happens without my supervision so I sometimes feel like it's my club rather than DS!

I would also say - as the parent of two older teens still 'busy' with at least one of the activities that they were doing when they were 8 - that there may well come a time when the parent will bless those activities.

I have spoken to several parents who envy the fact that DS and DD have the structure of being out most evenings and part of each weekend 'doing their activity', with like-minded teenagers.

DD is out for 17 hours ( maybe 18 including travel time) - there's a lot more hours in a day to get bored in. We just don't value "watching telly" or phones or screens as "leisure activities" - DD still reads, and composes her own music/songs and daydreams and dawdles and sees her friends - in the other (say) 36 or so hours of downtime there is in her week.

DD used to do a lot more from a younger age. She now teaches one activity and is heavily involved with other things she did as an eca and is making a very nice living out of it all. So much so she will be able to buy her first flat outright next year. (cheap auction property somewhere which she will let out or flip). She is 18.
School work was definitely put on the back burner although she did pass all bar 2 of her GCSEs

We were never great on 'playdates' - but then, as DD said at the time, she spent 1-2 hours a night, every night, with her friends at her main activity, so she actually spent more time with them than she would have done at playdates. Her social life takes place mainly at weekends and in the holidays, because - as is probably to be expected - her friends are also 'busy' types (swimmers, gymnasts, dancers, high level sports players) and they all have limited availability.

DS's idea of a great social event is to play music with friends - which, since it is his 'activity', he does pretty much every day. Occasional movie nights and slightly geeky concert trips would make up the rest.

I think it's great, provided of course the child is enjoying it.
My DS does after school stuff 5 days per week, mon & wed he stays late at school for clubs then straight to either soccer, karate or swimming. Then Sat / Sun he alternated with football matches or training. He enjoys them all and is hugely popular at school.
I'm jealous, my parents did Sweet FA for me as a kid, in fact it put them out having to collect me from primary school, I was made to walk home from 8 onwards. Used to scare the shit out of me during the winter!!

Not my business or place to judge either way. DD3 is also 8 and does after school activities three evenings a week, karate, girls brigade and singing/drama, totalling 5 1/2 hours. (She applied for Brownies on another night but she's still on the waiting list). That suits us both fine. I don't drive, and DH is at work or travelling home during this time, so we're confined to activities within walking distance from home, but there are plenty, and that's what community activities are for, after all, to be close by.

Anyway, it's up to that parent and child to decide if that many activities are adversely affecting the child's work, downtime, sleep etc. If not, I can't see a problem.

No I wouldn't judge.
But personally I think it's too many.

I think children need one or 2 nights off a week, for downtime, just so they have a break from doing any activity.

Plus, how do they have any time to go round to a friends house for tea/after school/'play-date' which I think is an equally as important part of schooling?

In fact I've suggested to DD on a number of occasions she drops a couple of activities (swimming mainly) as she is proficient in that skill but is never going to take it to a competition level. She has begged to keep going as she enjoys the class and has made good friends there. I've agreed she can stay on a little longer and I guess she will want to stop herself when all her friends start to drop out or it gets too difficult.

It's not harming her and like I said before, keeping her fit and off screens so she is keeping going, on top of all her other stuff!

Surely 1-2 hours after school still leaves plenty of time for playdates / tea with a friend? If the activity starts at 5 or 6, there are a couple of hours beforehand. if it is straight after school at 3, then from 4 (on the nights it is an hour), the child is free?

Many, many, many children are in childcare after school until much later than this, and nobody says 'oh, but they're not having playdates with their real friends'. Doing an activity with like-minded children - how is that not as good as a playdate, especially if sometimes you go home with one of these friends after the activity?

oh and playing with friends happen at weekends and holidays. plenty of time for that.

@Curiousaboutchoices
Because I think exercise is important, and then don't do enough of it at my dcs otherwise excellent primary.
They have both found sports they like (took quite a few trials of different things to find dd 2s thing), so I can't comment on what I'd do if they didn't like any sport.

Yes plenty of children are in childcare after school where they play with other children for a few hours. Is that not like a playdate? I think playdates are only important if they are doing nothing else, is some children get picked up from school by family and just go home every night of the week. For them playdates are important. For those children that are seeing lots of other children either in childcare or activities, playdates are not important.

arethere yeah I get that, has your school introduced the Daily Mike? Brilliant idea, v simple and it makes a huge difference to fitness whether you do loads of sport or are a couch potato. Google it, in my view it should be compulsory if only/esp to catch those who don’t have any physical activity outside school. Now the natural keep fit activity of 3 hours of after school outside play with other local kids doesn’t happen, I agree that 2 pe lessons is not enough.

Sorry - Daily Mile