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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to kill self but

27 replies

Mrsfloss · 10/03/2018 07:58

To be quite happy if I got ran over tomorrow.

Everything a struggle, no extra money, fear of getting sacked. Massively overweight and unfit. Eat absolute rubbish and can’t stop.

Life just feels a struggle. Our mortgage won’t be paid off till 60. 42 now.

Is this really it? No holidays, no spare cash

OP posts:

RickOShay · 10/03/2018 08:03

Oh MrsFloss. It is bloody hard work being alive, it takes courage every single day. You could do with something to look forward to, what do you like doing? Focus on yourself.

RickOShay · 10/03/2018 08:06

Perhaps think about the things that are in your control, and make tiny changes.

TuscanMum · 10/03/2018 08:08

Do you have children?

Kingsclerelass · 10/03/2018 08:12

I'm so sorry you feel like that.
And no this isn't how it will always be. It will pass, soon the cold weather will be gone, it's easier to eat healthier & exercise when the weather is nice, and just doing a little bit makes it feel better.
And mortgages don't necessarily have to be paid off. As soon as my ds is grown I'm selling up, downsizing and going somewhere cheaper.
Worrying about a job is horrible, it never goes away. But jobs are getting easier to find than a few years ago.
What will you do for Mother's Day? Get croissants for breakfast, or fresh pineapple. Have a scented bath with bubbles & music. Treat yourself decently for a day - even a couple of hours - just in case no one else does.
Things will get better, honestly.

ethelfleda · 10/03/2018 08:12

You're not alone. This thought crosses my mind regularly these days. Don't know how else to deal!
You will be fine - things have a way of working themselves out. You deserve to be happy

dontbesillyhenry · 10/03/2018 08:17

Break things down into manageable things you can change
What's the most worrying right now? Then start to think of possible solutions. Can you re mortgage? Do some extra hours? Save money on utility bills?
Your weight- could you do five minutes of exercise a day? Change one habit such as having a biscuit with your afternoon cuppa? That sort of thing. I know what it's like when life is shit and everything seems overwhelming and you just want to run away from it. I recommend mindfulness

Ylvamoon · 10/03/2018 08:18

Can you look at all the things you have?
At the moment, you HAVE a home...
You still HAVE a job
You are healthy... (⬅ your biggest asset in life make sure you look after it!)

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 10/03/2018 08:27

I have a sonyes infertility issues so no more ds 16

OP posts:

BexConnor · 10/03/2018 08:59

It can and WILL get better, if you believe it will.
Just start with you. Be kind to you. You deserve it.

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 10/03/2018 09:16

It’s just mundane, trudging through.

OP posts:

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 09:33

It's quite normal at times I think to have those more passive thoughts of dying, not quite 'I want to end my life' but more of an apathetic 'if it was taken out of my hands I wouldn't mind'. Usually a sign of dissatisfaction or depression.

If you could improve three areas of your life OP what would they be and how would they change? That's a good start to working out what you can do to improve things.

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 10/03/2018 21:01

Work - is ok good balance of stress to keep me motivated and downtime.

Dh supportive
Lots of amazing friends and family.

It’s jjust me, definitely another child would help.

Nothing interests me, everything is just meh generally. Holidays, days out all good but nothing amazing!

I’m just a miserable sod!

OP posts:

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 21:24

Why would another child help?

Have you ever been assessed for depression? I'm not saying I believe you have it but people can live with it quite Mike for years and it can flare up with these passive thoughts of death and total lack of pleasure in anything.

It sounds like you're missing any sense of actual joy or elation in your life. Just all gray. Have you ever felt that absolute sense of deep euphoria from anything in your past?

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 10/03/2018 21:37

Another child would help as I think my depression may be rooted in my infertility battle

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/03/2018 21:39

I think this time of year doesn’t help at all. Still short days. Weather generally shit. It’s a looong time since Christmas.

I reckon.m a lot of people have SAD this time of year and don’t realise it.

dontbesillyhenry · 10/03/2018 21:45

Have you had any investigations/ treatment for infertility?

fireBird3000 · 10/03/2018 21:55

I get it OP. I’ve been there

All you can do is keep on going. Although that in itself feels like pulling yourself through treacle wearing a lead suit with the current against you.

Try to find one thing each day that’s not dreadful even if it’s just a nice hot cup of tea. That’s where I started just a few mins where I told myself how nice it was because there was literally no other joy in my day. Build it up from there

Meditation apps or similar. Just a few mins to think about your breathing etc means your focusing on only that.

Re infertility also been there and I found acupuncture and reflexology immensely helpful in the sense that it could help but was also a relaxation tool as were long walks listening to music
Distraction is key
But I totally get the feeling that you wouldn’t commit suicide but that you really don’t care whether you’re alive or not.

Might not seem like it but it will get better💐

GreenBox53 · 10/03/2018 22:15

I've just got a new mortgage, won't be paid off until i'm 70 fml. Sole earner, all my responsibility, haven't got a fucking clue whether I'll manage it or not.

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 11/03/2018 16:44

I have had a full hysterectomy after years of fails treatment. Just feel a child would give me my umphh back maybe I’m mad.

Just feel is this it

OP posts:

Iooselipssinkships · 11/03/2018 16:50

Adoption? Fostering? Is this a possibility? They're calling out for Fosterers and if I'm entirely honest it is really good money.
I appreciate that this might not be an option and please don't be offended. I respect you'll be craving a biological child, possibly pregnancy, I don't want to assume anything. It's just an idea that I thought might possibly help or give a new direction.

Beeziekn33ze · 11/03/2018 16:50

You could try to provide a healthy meal for all three of you. Next stage could be getting DH or DS to do the same. You’ll all benefit.
Write down how you feel. You might read it a month later and realise you feel a bit less despondent.

cucaracha · 11/03/2018 16:53

walking then running is free (once you have bought yourself a decent pair of trainers), you could join a running group local to you. It does wonder to your mood, would help you lose weight and feel better, and give more energy.

Eating rubbish is expensive, if you start a healthy diet, you'd save money too.

MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 17:05

Can you go to your GP and ask for some anti depressants to lift your mood a bit and then also have some counselling at the same time. Sending

Flupi · 11/03/2018 17:27

I just want to say how sorry I am you feel like that, and that life can seem very hard at times and overwhelming. I think the key is to try to have end goals and then to draw up a plan of tiny steps to get there. You’d have several end goals and several pathways to get there, which would probably interlink e.g if you walk to work, you’ll lose weight, save money on transport and your state of mind would improve because walking can help clear your head. This is obviously very simplistic and only an example. I was about to say maybe a life coach could help, but then they cost money.....Good luck and try to be hopeful and not dwell on things that just aren’t possible.

dontbesillyhenry · 11/03/2018 17:59

I don't know- many people contribute having kids to their 'meh' feeling

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