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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need urgent advice regarding toilet training

29 replies

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 14:57

Hi, I would like to stress that this is a genuine post and I am not a poo troll! I am at my wits end today and need advice before I ruin all of our progress. I genuinely do not know what to do next.

I started toilet training My 2 yr 10 month old on Thursday and she took to it brilliantly. Dry pants after the first two accidents but last night and today is withholding poo. She is constantly crying today, getting pains but will not do it in the toilet. I was supposed to leave the house today and had to cancel. I also have a five month old who is basically abandoned today, I even gave him a bottle in the bathroom.

I have sat with her, encouraged, read stories let her watch spot the dog video while she tried. I have offered rewards for a poo etc

It has taken me two hours to write this in amongst all the crying from both. Please help how can I get her to go

OP posts:

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 14:58

Will she pop in a nappy for now? If you put one on her will she pop? You have to pick your battles and take it slowly.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 14:59

Pop is poo obviously!

Namechange16 · 09/03/2018 15:01

We potty trained 3 weeks ago. My dd is 2yrs 7months. She asks to go for a wee now. No accidents for a while. However still she's not 100% comfortable with pooing on the potty and loo and like yours holds it in. I would never go back to nappies though and I've told her that. It will just take time and encouragement.

Namechange16 · 09/03/2018 15:02

It was suggested by nursery to put a nappy on for poos but I think it would be a step back and prolong everything.

callmekitten · 09/03/2018 15:03

It is really really common for kids to take longer to poop in a potty than to pee there. I would not put nappies on her but be prepared to clean up some messy pants. When it looks like she might need to poop, offer her the toilet and then help her to give it a try. I wouldn't make her sit for long periods of time though. You don't want the toilet to become something that brings up really negative feelings for her.

Original poster

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 15:04

Thank you for your reply No I offered it to her and she wouldn't let me put it on. Last night she was in her night time one and woke up screaming which she never does complaining of a pain. after an hour she went but it was only because she couldn't hold it any longer. Today has been a nightmare.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 09/03/2018 15:04

pull ups.

she is dry and uses the pull ups like pants and goes to the loo as normal, and then poos in the nappy like pull ups til she gets the hang of it. (constipation is tricky in kids to sort)

relax. it is not a big deal if she does not learn to poo in the loo this week, this month..or for a few months yet.

give her plenty to drink and lots of frruit veg to get the poo moving.

MaximumVolume · 09/03/2018 15:06

It might be worth visiting the pharmacy to ask advice. They may suggest you give lactulose to help soften the stools and make them easier to pass. Withholding is a bit of a cycle: the more she withholds, the bigger and harder the poo will be so it will feel painful.

Original poster

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 15:09

Thanks again for the replies. I hadn't been letting her sit for a long time until today

. She started off the day running back and forth crying in pain. I gave her the video to try to get her to relax.

I agree that l really don't want her to have negative associations. I've been trying to be bright breezy encouraging distracting her. Paw patrol is on again hence why I can post. She needs to go but how???i am at a loss as what to do. I even gave her a warm bath earlier ?i amnow covered in puke from the other!

OP posts:

Original poster

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 15:12

Thank you! I'm not dismissing your suggestion re fruit and veg but her stools are usually soft because she eats so much fruit anyway. It is like she is actively withholding and it is causing the pain.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 09/03/2018 15:14

Blowing bubbles on the loo is meant to help.

Mamabear14 · 09/03/2018 15:15

My son would not poo on the toilet. He has special needs and was 5 when he started finally doing it! The trick from the learning disability nurses I saw was bubbles. Let her sit on and blow bubbles. It relaxes the right muscles and gently pushes down until they pretty much go without realising.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 15:16

Seriously. Pull ups. She isn’t ready. Let her poo in her own time for now. It will come!

Original poster

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 15:16

Oooh bubbles great idea! Thank you I'll give it a go I have some upstairs!

OP posts:

Original poster

unbelievable1 · 09/03/2018 15:19

I'll try pull ups too as soon as I can get to the shop if she'll let me I can only get a few minutes before she cries again.

I was trying to wait as long as I could but of course other people's comments about her not being toilet trained yet had me thinking I better start.

Thanks again I really appreciate the replies as it has brought my stress levels down

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 09/03/2018 15:22

Poor wee love. Keep going OP. Pull ups are a step back. If it were me, I’d get my LO in the garden running about to get her moving? Can you let me watch you poo? And normalise it? Can you put a wipe on the bottom of a potty and let her try in there?

GnusSitOnCanoes · 09/03/2018 15:22

I would stop - she isn't ready. My DS was dry (during the day) from fairly small, but continued pooing in nappies for a full year - he got really stressed about it, and just wasn't ready. I tried everything - books, videos, blowing bubbles on the toilet; everything. Nothing worked. And I could (retrospectively) shake myself, because he just got there in his own time. I would be more worried about constipation than potty training at her age - perhaps give her some movicol to move things along now, as she's uncomfortable, and then just go back to pull-ups or nappies for a few months.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 15:27

Pull ups aren’t a step back. The child isn’t ready

ItchyKondera · 09/03/2018 15:28

We had the same - but DS1 was happy to poo in a nappy so we would put the nappy on 15 mins before nap time (lucky us he was still napping!) and he would poo.
Or try ipad or similar while sat on the loo?
And yes I had heard bubbles help
Problem is the longer they hold it, the more it hurts and the worse it is when they go :(

PS ignore other people's comments, do it when you and her are ready, maybe it is best to leave it for another month or so and try again?

splendide · 09/03/2018 15:32

My DS spent about six months completely dry but putting a nappy on himself to poo.

It was fine, he got there about 3 and a quarter.

Personally I would rather go entirely back to nappies and try again in a few weeks than risk a long term constipation issue. Read some threads on here, it was be an awful problem once they get in the habit of withholding.

ItchyKondera · 09/03/2018 15:35

PS: fast forward 16 years, and is she going to be comparing potty training notes with her mates and boasting she was under 3 when she learnt to poo in the toilet? Will it be a question on job applications? If she does it now or at 3 years 2 months or whatever - in the grand scheme of development, waiting a few months will not make any difference....

DS1 was 3 years 2 months before he was ready to get out of nappies, the holding poo thing was only for a week or so.

helpmum2003 · 09/03/2018 15:48

Have you tried laying a nappy over the potty? I completely agree that it is not a step back to try pull ups - there's no rush and getting into constipation issues can be very tricky. Bribery? I always found it useful!! Good luck!

Morphene · 09/03/2018 15:49

your child is more important than other people's opinions on your child.

Don;t do toilet training until she is ready.

LostMyBaubles · 09/03/2018 15:52

Im struggling with this.
My 3yr old.
Fine weeing on toilet, dry etc but wont poo for upti 10-14days despite being on treatment for constipation.

Hes back into nappies again atm.

I try again once hes loose so he cant physically withold it but getting there is tough.

Nursery has said not to worry too much as its very common main priority is him passing stool.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/03/2018 15:55

DD used to obsessively watch videos on YouTube of cats pooing in the toilet

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