To think that I drink too much and have a problem?

[cutebabybunnys]

I drink about 2-3 bottles of wine a week. I don't drink every day but when I do it is normally 2 glasses, sometimes 3.

I only drink in the evenings and don't get hangovers. I feel fine in the mornings and work full time. I don't have any children.

But deep down I know this isn't right. I remember being about 20 and hating the taste of alcohol. I would maybe have a glass once a month. My husband only drinks at weekends and I wish I could do that.

I also don't like the fact that I use it to relax. I should be able to relax without it. I tried to stop completely a couple of months ago but it only lasted two weeks and I soon slipped back into bad habits.

I don't want to go to the doctors or anything like that. I feel that they would think I wasn't bad enough but still judge me. To me I feel like it's a problem. Does any one else feel like this? I feel so ashamed of myself.

It’s not a stupid amount to be drinking.

Have you tried not drinking inthe week and failed?

I know it's not as bad as some people drink but it is still over the recommended units a week I think.
I have tried that too a while ago but found it hard to stick to. I think I feel like I need it to relax after work. I'm going to try again and see if I can stick to it this time.

It's not a horrendous amount, but, if you feel it's a problem then I would say you need to seek help. If you go to the doctors now then I would imagine that it'll be easier to sort than if it ends up developing into full blown alcoholism.

Do you have to drink? Does the thought of not drinking fill you with dread? Can you have alcohol in the house and not drink it?

@Whatshallidonowpeople
To answer those questions
I don't feel like I have to drink and the thought of not drinking doesn't fill me with dread. But the thought of not having it in the house does!

I think I feel like I need it to relax after work. I'm going to try again and see if I can stick to it this time

I definitely know what you mean here, I’m guilty of this myself. I quite like a G&T. If I feel I need to “treat” myself to a drink I often make myself a tonic water.
It’s in a posh glass with ice and lime. I take some time out to enjoy it. I find this is a good replacement for having a drink.

Often the winding down is as much about the ritual of having a drink. Having a booze free drink in the same way fulfills the same ritual for me.

No idea if it would work for you though.

Don't beat yourself up. A couple of glasses a night is not a problem. It is over the recommended levels but then how many of us always stick recommended calories / five a day / exercise all the time.

If you find you can't go a night without drinking then you are becoming dependent on it and you need some help.

But otherwise, reducing the amount would probably do you a bit of good. Maybe if you currently drink five nights a week, you cut down to four or something.

I don't think you need to panic though.

I think you are very wise to be aware of how much you are drinking. Two to three bottles is 12 to 18 units, and I believe women are recommended to have no more than 2 units a day which would be 14, so you are not wildly outside that amount.

However you also mention that you feel you need alcohol to relax, and that doesn't sound like a good thing.

There are various self help books available online. Maybe that should be your first port of call. However, like I say, it's really good that you are aware of this potentially being a problem, and trying to act sooner rather than waiting until it is a problem.

Honestly, I think you're worried about a problem that isn't there. You don't drink to excess, and it doesn't negatively effect your behaviour. Relax and enjoy your wine!

There can be 12 units of alcohol in some bottles of wine , it depends on the strength . It will tell you on the back of the bottle.

I used to drink about this before I had my dc and it was also mostly to relax because I had a very stressful job. I used to get a bit ratty if we had a night off with no alcohol. Haven't had a drop since I had my first dc over 5 years ago, and I do not miss it one bit.

Constantlycold made a good suggestion... why don't you try alvahol free wine one or two evenings a week. Or instead of that say to yourself ok I will not drink on a Monday or Tuesday and do something else ? A nice bath and pamper session ? Or make arrangements to go out and do something those nights (obvs not the pub)

I’ve found the Drink Less app helpful to keep a record of how much and when. It’s encouraged me to have alcohol-free days.
Two bottles of 12% is 18 units.

Well I drink about the same as you. I don't consider myself to have a drink problem, and neither does anyone else. I am never drunk because the amount simply isn't enough. I have two small glasses while preparing supper (I love cooking). However, it's how you perceive it, not anyone else. If you think it's too much, cut down. If you think you will be tempted, don't buy it in the first place, or just buy one bottle (assuming you are drinking at home) and make it last. Use a smaller glass too. Often I will drink more if I am very hungry, I don't know if you find this.

I've wondered the same OP.

I've moved from drinking just one bottle at weekends to 2 and am very aware of my growing dependency on it.

Just to correct a PP though, I'm pretty sure that the recommended or safe amount of units per week for women is 14, and there's 10 units in a bottle. If the OP is drinking 3 bottles per week, that's 30 units.

I remember filling in a questionnaire for a health procedure a few years ago and it asked if you're a heavy drinker (I can't quite remember the actual question), but the example they gave was 21 or more units of alcohol per week.

If you're worried that it's becoming a problem, then it probably is. You'll need to cut it out for a weekend, just don't buy it - and see how you feel and cope. I need to do the same.

The fact it’s not an horrific amount isn’t the point really - op is worried about it and not able to regulate. I’m pretty sure an awful lot of full on alcoholics were at this stage at one point, then things just escalate or there’s a stressful period or the amount just creeps up.

Op I think you’re wise to address this now. Look at when you drink and why and go from there. If it’s weeknights to relax then find something else that’s easy, occupies you and helps you relax. Do that. Be prepared for setbacks and sips and just get back on the wagon and try again.

If after a while (you do need time to set new habits) that’s not working then you can reassess.

I know exactly what you mean! I managed to think about what the wine was representing for me and realised that for me it was giving myself a treat, as I felt that I deserved something nice at the end of what was usually a difficult day. I managed to swap the wine for a herbal tea and a trashy TV program, and it felt just as good. I know that sounds crazy but it worked. Had wine just half the week.

*12 units
I don't know why I said 10

I thought a normal bottle of wine was 10 units, so 2 bottles seems ok, and 3 perhaps a bit much.

The Drink Less app I mentioned is developed by researchers at UCL, and I think it’s really good:
itunes.apple.com/gb/app/drink-less-help-reducing-your-alcohol-consumption/id1020579244?mt=8

I think you're right claraschu, I was thinking of volume

A normal bottle of wine is 750 ml.

A medium glass of wine - 175 ml - is 2 units.

I thought a normal bottle of wine was 10 units, so 2 bottles seems ok, and 3 perhaps a bit much. In which case 2 bottles is 50% over the recommended amount and 3 bottles is more than twice the recommended amount.

OP - how easy is it to reduce? Only fill the glass 1/3 full (recommended to allow the aroma to fill the rest of the glass). Have a glass of water beside the wine glass, to make sure you're only drinking for the taste of the wine and not because you're thirsty?

If you cut it out, you need to replace it with something else to calm you.
A walk? A swim? A hot bath? Some ritual that you do as soon as you come in the door that is for you to unwind from work and wind into home time.
The longer you go without it the easier it is. I drank as much as you before pregnancy, drank a bit in early pregnancy as like you i missed it, stopped with morning sickness and felt no need to start again. So when you miss it and have a drink or two, dont think well that's it, I've failed, just start again the next day. And go as long as you possibly can. Build up your habit of not-drinking, it takes a while.

"I don't feel like I have to drink and the thought of not drinking doesn't fill me with dread. But the thought of not having it in the house does!"

This seems like a good place to start - try not having it in the house for a few days and see what happens. If the drinking is actually helping you cope with or mask another problem, having a few days without it in the house may reveal to you what the true issue is - it may be the alcohol or it may turn out to be something else like anxiety or depression or even boredom. Once you know what it is, you can start to work out a plan to help.