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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hold off on potty training

31 replies

cadburyegg · 09/03/2018 14:01

DS1 is 3 years 1 month. He is still in nappies. About a month ago he started displaying an interest in wearing pants so we tried it, but after a week his accidents were constant , he was finding it stressful and he never wanted to interrupt what he was doing so back to nappies we went with a view of trying again in late spring / summer.

I have just had another baby , DS2 is 5 days old and so DS1 is adjusting to being a big brother. Nursery have now told us they want him to be potty trained in the next 2 months as he will be going into the pre school room. I would prefer he adjusts to one thing at a time and would rather not get him out of nappies on the pressure of their “deadline”. AIBU? I just feel that right now forcing him out of nappies is a bit unkind

OP posts:

rebelrosie12 · 09/03/2018 14:02

Go with your gut. A new baby is a huge adjustment and not the right time for either of you. Wait til the summer!

x2boys · 09/03/2018 14:05

He might just get it one day ds1 was 3 yrs and two months when it finally clicked ds2 is a whole different matter (disabilities) nursery can say what they want but they can't refuse to move him because of nappies .

SweetMoon · 09/03/2018 14:09

3 years is quite old tbh unless he has special needs. Can you try the bribery route? At 3 he'd probably latch onto that one pretty quick.

They can have lots of accidents when first starting out, but that's how they learn. Some take to it quicker than others but it is a case of just simply persevering. He will get there if you give it 100% commitment.

One thing which worked for a friend of mine who was struggling, was creating a box of small wrapped up 'lucky dip' presents. Tat basically from the pound store, or small bags of sweets. You get the idea. Mostly because her dd loved opening presents. Her dd got to pick one each time she got something in the potty. I think she had her sorted within 3 days with this method and was able to stop the 'prizes' within about 2 weeks.

Arapaima · 09/03/2018 14:10

I think the issue with nursery might be to do with ratios? If there are fewer staff in the older room they may not easily be able to spare one to change nappies. Maybe give it another go in a month or so, OP - he might be ready. But don’t stress, it’s not the end of the world if he isn’t!

lostherenow · 09/03/2018 14:26

Do what you feel is best. Nursery are just trying to make it easier for themselves, and not taking account of the fact that potty training around a big life event is usually a very bad idea. My eldest was toilet trained just before his brother was born at 2 Years 10 months, when his brother was born he then regressed and cleaning up multiple accidents a day while also having a newborn and keeping older child and younger child apart was a nightmare.

Iloveacurry · 09/03/2018 14:32

My two girls were potty trained at 3 and 3.5 years. They weren’t ready before. Do what you feel is best.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 14:34

I’d leave it now until the weather gets warmer. I would probably have tried it before the new baby arrived though as it is a massive upheaval for siblings and not fair to introduce more change

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 14:35

My daughter potty trained at around 2 Years 9 months. She had gone into the pre school room. They had no issues with nappies until she was ready

Vinorosso74 · 09/03/2018 14:42

A friend's DS didn't get it until he was 3 and a half. She was sick of people asking when she was going to train him but she had tried and he just wasn't ready. I have to say her DP wasn't very helpful, we were visiting them and went for lunch; it was her who took him into the ladies toilet when he could have easily taken him to the men's.....

my2bundles · 09/03/2018 14:42

I would not be pressured, he will learn only when he is ready. My son was just st I ver 3 and did it himself in one day. Sweet moon 3 is not old to be training..

ItchyKondera · 09/03/2018 14:46

3 years isn't that old, we tried a couple times with DS1 before be was 3 but he really wasn't interested so we left it 6 months as DD1 was due just after his 3rd birthday, and he was moving up to pre-school room at the same time and he was struggling with the changes so we didn't want to add to them with potty training

We tried again when things had settled down at 3yrs 2 months he just clicked and got it literally in 1 week.
Nursery were really good and worked with him, and yes waiting till the summer was great as he could run around the house / garden with no nappy on with a potties dotted around, then the following week he was just in pants and t-shirt at nursery all week (with their permission of course!) as its quicker when he suddenly had to go!

Don't stress, don't push him if he isn't ready and ignore people that try and tell you what is best

Batteriesallgone · 09/03/2018 14:50

I wouldn’t be impressed by nursery pressuring like that tbh. I don’t understand the pressure to train children early - charts, rewards, etc etc. A bit of patience goes a long way. It’s much easier to have a newborn and a 3 year old in nappies rather than a 3 year old having tonnes of accidents. And I don’t agree that accidents and being uncomfortable is how they learn. Once they understand their own bodies well enough, they train quickly. Takes some longer than others.

SweetMoon · 09/03/2018 15:16

I didnt say 3 is too old, just in my own personal experience (5 children) it seemed quite old. All mine were potty trained just before age 2 because they had to be dry before starting nursery here. So I had an incentive I guess to get them dry. It's also unusual where I live for children over 2 1/2 to still be in nappies. I suppose mainly because school nurserys (for age 2 and over) do not take children still in nappies here. I don't though think a 3 year old in nappies is wrong or anything. TBH if mine didn't need to be dry at 2 I'd most likely have waited til they were older.

I don't think there's ever an ideal time to do it, you just have to go for it. Just make sure you're committed before you start and have no major outings or long car journeys planned for the next few days as it's bloody easier if just at home!

My friends dd (who really took to the lucky dip pressie thing) was just turned 3 and just didn't need to be dry before that so it wasn't an issue but this really helped her associate the potty with something good and she picked it up quick then. Something similar may well appeal to your ds op or may not sway him at all, you just can't tell until you try.

bettinasofine · 09/03/2018 18:17

To be honest I'd make a real effort to train him. Barring special needs, they're more than capable at three of being toilet trained.

My DS is at pre school nursery and they encourage children to be trained when they start at age 3

Nanny0gg · 09/03/2018 18:59

You know your son. When they're ready it's really quick, when they're not it's not.

Would he go for a sticker chart and bribes rewards?

Nanny0gg · 09/03/2018 19:01

And I don’t agree that accidents and being uncomfortable is how they learn. Once they understand their own bodies well enough, they train quickly. Takes some longer than others.

^^This. Absolutely.

permanentlyfrazzled1 · 09/03/2018 19:29

Eldest was not interested in the slightest in being clean and dry, plus had some delayed speech issues, so although I spent a few months trying every technique in the book, piled loads of pressure on him, I'm afraid to say, we had no success. He finally did it himself at 3.25 years. 2nd child, also a boy, no speech problems or sen, did it himself at 3.25 years. Exactly the same with our two girls - all at October half-term at aged 3.25 years, again no speech problems or sen. Nursery were making disgruntled noises about the eldest not being able to move up into the pre-school room whilst still in nappies, so I researched the law and had great fun quoting it to them. 😆 I was also told that there's a link between how easy the father was to toilet-train, and how easy the children are: didn't find this out though until a few years after MIL had given me constant grief about the boys being 'late', when she revealed that my DH had been a tricky one to sort as well! Don't worry, op, they each do it when they're ready. The number of friends I had bragging that their child was in pants just after turning two, when the reality was they couldn't go further than 30 minutes from home because the child would need the toilet again - that's not a child who's ready to be out of nappies! I also found that by 3.25 years, the kids were largely able to take themselves to the toilet (for a wee, not a poo), leave the seat clean, flush the toilet, and do a decent job of washing their hands, whereas kids younger than that often seem to need an adult to go with them to the toilet to do all those jobs for them. Sometimes, things are better accomplished late than early!

WhatAPowerfulPerm · 09/03/2018 20:07

CONGRATS on DS2!

We had a similar situation - DS turned 3 last year, we moved house and DD was born all within a few weeks. I really didn’t want to pile more stress on him. Up to that point, we’d had a few gentle attempts which went nowhere, so we left it. At 3.7 though, with school looming in Sep, we went for it, cold turkey, no more nappies (DD is now 10 months). Two weeks in, he’s doing amazingly well, wees all in the loo. There’s been a few poop accidents (doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing, waits til the last minute and then it’s too late) but there’s been so much improvement in the two weeks we’ve been doing it.

I would wait til life out of the newborn stage (it’s quite hard when you’re feeding the baby and they announce they need a wee) and then maybe go pant-less for a few days and see how he gets on, this helped my DS know when a wee was coming. Good luck!

OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 20:09

Well the accidents are constant at first-that’s how they learn.

WhatAPowerfulPerm · 09/03/2018 20:10

^til you’re, not til life

Dipitydoda · 09/03/2018 20:42

My ds was 3 years 2 months. He basically toilet trained in one day. Probably had about 5 accidents in the 3 years since. I never get this rushing kids thing they do what they do when ready

Xmasbaby11 · 09/03/2018 21:23

Both my dd toilet trained at about 3.5. They didn't show signs of being ready until then, and then trained within days, barely an accident at all. It was later than average but it didn't bother me.

jaseyraex · 09/03/2018 21:42

Definitely don't rush to train him, especially if he's not ready and he's adjusting to the new baby. You'll get nowhere with it. I don't think it's fair that nursery is pressuring you. 3 is really not that old.

My DS is 2 and 9 months, he's still nowhere near ready for training. He still isn't really talking, communicating about the potty is really difficult. He's cried any time I've tried to get him to sit on it, even with a nappy on! He's not ready, I won't rush it. He'll be 3 in June and I'm hoping he'll be ready and trained before new baby comes in September but I'm not going to stress if he's not. It's much easier when they're fully ready.

elliejjtiny · 09/03/2018 22:14

I would leave it for now. He is only just 3 and there has been a big change in his life recently (congratulations on ds2). I've got 5 DC and only one of them was toilet/potty trained before aged 4.

bettinasofine · 09/03/2018 22:43

ellie

Were the rest over four when toilet trained?

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