To hold off on potty training

[cadburyegg]

DS1 is 3 years 1 month. He is still in nappies. About a month ago he started displaying an interest in wearing pants so we tried it, but after a week his accidents were constant , he was finding it stressful and he never wanted to interrupt what he was doing so back to nappies we went with a view of trying again in late spring / summer.

I have just had another baby , DS2 is 5 days old and so DS1 is adjusting to being a big brother. Nursery have now told us they want him to be potty trained in the next 2 months as he will be going into the pre school room. I would prefer he adjusts to one thing at a time and would rather not get him out of nappies on the pressure of their “deadline”. AIBU? I just feel that right now forcing him out of nappies is a bit unkind

Just a thought but we bought a potty and toilet seat before DD was ready to lose the nappies. They were in the bathroom and if she wanted to use them she could without having to use them. This meant some nights before bath she would sit on the loo and kind of got used to it. If they are around he may show interest?

It's swigs and roundabouts,my DD decided she wanted to use the toilet like I did when she was 20 months,I had been waiting until summer but she had other ideas,in summer she liked peeing in the garden as it was quicker than going indoors!, She was dry at night at 3.At 4.5 she was full time at school and was wet at night again for another 2 years,she was tired and just didn't wakeMost will sort it all you can do is not pass your concern onto them.I think give a bit more time as a new baby is a change for both of you,talk to the nursery.

cadburyegg I hope I dont come across as rude here but Im sure you alreafy know the longer you put it off and revert back to nappies the harder this will become for you and Ds. I see the nursery are adding a bit of pressure but your DS doesnt need to know about that he will also pick up on any anxiety you have. All you can do is try....even if you start the process and the nursery staff can assist while he's there. Accidents are common just pack some wet wipes and spare clothes pull ups and pants.
I found it worked for me to break into steps or targets for myself (No actual time limits though) For example this week I will start teaching dc to wipe themselves or I will teach dc how and why I sit on the toilet and invite them to try etc

Teach child to pull pants up and down.
Now for you OP stop the nappy changing! By all means assist your child with cleaning up but try to encourage him to do what he can himself here he might really enjoy 'helping' you and the independence that will gradually follow.
He should be able to remove soiled pullup and bin/bag it, If its pants tell him where you would want dirty ones to go or to call you to assist. Show them to wipe their front, Teach them to wipe their bum next and to wash hands etc. This could be a messy experience but youll need to grin and bear it. If you are consistent you can get the basics done withon a few weeks and work on improving his skills over time. Some take a while to get it but its really important to lay the foundations asap. Remember to give lots of praise for each new step. And expect lots of accidents.

I found swimmer nappies useful just before transitioning to big pants as they are very thin and absorb less than a nappy or pullups. We started using them mostly for poo catching purposes until kids recognised the 'urge' then moved on to underpants. We would only use proper pull ups for really long journeys and bedtime. (used poundshop puppy pads for in the car)
I would put pants on mine during time at home and send them out in garden to play. They need to experience the discomfort of wet undies a few times to get the message. Then you can ask how he felt before the wee wee happened. Remind him that 'feeling' means its time to go sit. Praise and encouragment for everytime he gets close even if he forgets to take pants down first or doesn't make it on time.

I've potty trained a few l.o's and I've noticed not every child takes to the potty. One of mine preferred to go straight to the big toilet after having many tantrums with the potty. I used one of those toddler inserts and a step. We made a big deal of it being where the 'big people go'.
Maybe now your Ds is a big brother he will be ready to join the ranks.

We used to make up a stories about having to go through obstacles to 'save the day!' For example 'Phil' saw 'spongebob' was in trouble..rescue blah blah. 'Phil' had to take off his armour, open the treasure chest, sit on the throne, flush the monster haha etc anything to keep them there as long as possible. I later discovered a high step to raise knees closer to chest very useful, like a natural squatting position to help get things moving on their own.
We also had a handmade sticker chart on the wall so we had a sticker for letting me know they wanted to/willing to try, another for sitting on the seat, another for results,wiping,flushing,handwashing etc. So even on one trip they earned a ton of stickers! Although I started each dc seated I realised with my son he would sometimes have difficulty peeing downwards it would usually spray forward so I drew a target on a ping pong ball and told him he had to hit the target (helped him focus and kept a tidy stream) oh btw p.p balls float even when the toilet is flushed.
Good luck and don't give up it will take a few accidents until child get the knack for it.
Congrats on your new baby xx
I also potty trained Dsis and Ds1 with a newborn. I hope you have some support available during this time xx

My DD toilet trained at 3 years and 8 months. We had tried before then but it as a no go. Then one day, off she went to the toilet and that was it, she was dry and never had an accident. Day or night.

Ds was ready at an earlier age, 2 years 9 months, but he did the same thing pretty much, only he was in nappies at night for about a month after that.

Well the accidents are constant at first-that’s how they learn.

Not when they understand what it's about.

My DGC aged 3.3 had very few accidents when training started at 3. I brief regression otherwise clean and dry. And some SEN there too.

I agree there’s no point in training before they understand and are ready, but also if I’d expected that there would be quite a lot of accidents even when he was ready I wouldn’t have got so stressed. I paid too much attention to all the “when they are ready they’ll be dry in 3 days” etc crowd so when DS continued to have some issues with occasional wetting and also a real aversion to using the toilet to poo I was incredibly stressed out. Then I spoke to other parents or nursery children and they pointed out that accidents are common even in a child who’s older and it doesn’t mean they aren’t ready to train. Honestly it’s a lot messier than I expected but he got there in a week in terms of he knew what it was about, but there were occasional accidents for a few months after. Many children have accidents not because they aren’t able to use the toilet/potty but because they recognise but ignore the signals because they are playing or out and absorbed with what’s going on, or they hold on until the last moment. Also having issues with pooing is so so common (as I later read!) even in a child who is great with wee and using the loo. DS didn’t like pooing on the loo at all, and even now after 9 months will do it in the toilet if he has to but at home he will often do it in his night nappy as soon as he wakes up or asks for a potty. When he started nursery he would occasionally soil his pants due to ny wanting to ask for the loo. This is very common even in Reception children when a change in circumstance and group toilets worry them. So these issues in themselves aren’t a reason not to potty train... if there’s not one wee/poo in a potty after 3-4 days them maybe it isn’t clicking but it takes constant sitting on the potty and watching like a hawk and telling them and praise and bribery and there will be some puddles and issue with the whole pants on and off thing for a while. I would say at over 3 it is worth a no pressure try again. Wait until your partner is off perhaps so you can have eyes on baby and child for those days!

So I wouldn’t get upset/think it isn’t working if he’s not amazingly dry and trained in a few days.