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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding gifts- cheap & cheerful?

85 replies

Paie · 09/03/2018 13:40

I've been invited to a colleagues wedding in the summer, 2 weeks before my due date so I will be huge!
Money isn't great, and certainly won't be 2 weeks before DC2's arrival!
On the invitation it simply says "a donation towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated". Much like a thread I saw earlier the couple already live together, do not need household things ect.

I've only ever been to a few weddings- what on earth do we get them?

AIBU to try to make this gift as cheap as possible but not appear so?

OP posts:

trinity0097 · 10/03/2018 19:34

When I went to a colleague’s wedding they asked for dontions towards their house. We all decided as colleagues to buy one if those piggy banks you have to break to open and decided we would only it in £2 coins. The piggy bank was kept hidden and people put in what they wanted to and signed a card as a collective gift.

They really appreciated it and never knew how much or little people out in individually as it was a collective gift.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 10/03/2018 19:36

Get a bottle of wine and a card, let them pay for their own honeymoon.

Trialed, if people resenting hosting due to the costs then they simply shouldn't host. If they want to recoup the costs from the guests then they should be honest and charge an entry fee.

NerrSnerr · 10/03/2018 19:47

Get a bottle of wine and a card, let them pay for their own honeymoon.

I don't know why people resent giving cash gifts. Why not give them what they want? If you're going to their wedding you must like them so why not try and make them happy?

Zapdos · 10/03/2018 19:56

I agree to give them what they asked for. £20 in a card. Job done.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 10/03/2018 20:01

I don't know why people resent giving cash gifts. Why not give them what they want? If you're going to their wedding you must like them so why not try and make them happy

We tend to decline pretty much every invite that asks for cash, if being charged an entry fee I'd rather go somewhere of my own choosand better value for money.

I don't mind a wedding list that's available upon request but mentioning gifts on the invite is crass and shows it's less about the vows and actual marriage and more about what they can gain from guests.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/03/2018 20:04

Give them cash. If you really don’t want to, a book of love poetry is cheap and appropriate. Or I recently bought a newlyweds cookbook.

iamyourequal · 10/03/2018 20:08

AIBU to try to make this gift as cheap as possible but not appear so?
Yes, you are. That sounds really mean. If they are bothering to invite you and it’s not until the summer you have plenty of time to save up a respectable gift.

BarbaraofSevillle · 10/03/2018 20:09

I agree with most other PPs. Buy them a load of crap that they don't want to make a point about your superior approach to conventional etiquette that makes no sense in today's world .

LaurieMarlow · 10/03/2018 20:20

Just give them what they've asked for, £20 in card, job done. I'm sure they're not expecting riches.

If that's totally unpalatable to you, then a bottle of fizz, but I wouldn't go down the route of hampers, mugs, cookbooks, because that's just more stuff they probably don't want.

Bluelady · 10/03/2018 20:20

If you knew how many wedding presents end up in a charity shop you wouldn't even ask. Give them what they've asked for. It couldn't be easier than popping some cash in a card

Crunched · 10/03/2018 20:24

I think trinity has a lovely idea with the piggy bank.
My student DD really couldn't afford much when she went to wedding where cash was requested. She put 4 £5 notes fanned in a lovely photo frame which had actually only cost £3 from Tiger. It made a fairly small sum seem a bit more special.
I told her I thought £20 was kind of the minimum for an invite to the whole 'do' but then we all love getting a wedding invite, so would certainly see it as something that you would contribute to if you can.
I wouldn't accept an invitation if I didn't care about the couple though.

missymousey · 10/03/2018 20:39

A book that means something to you, with something nice written in the front.

My cousin gave us a copy of a recipe book she has relied on, with little notes written on post-its where she wanted to highlight a recipe she likes or make some suggestions. But it could equally be a novel that has inspired you, a guide book for the place they are going on honeymoon, or something you know they will use again and again, like a nice atlas if they are into travel.

gttia · 10/03/2018 21:01

We love our Mr and Mrs mugs. Use them every day. Perfect present xx

Pikehau · 10/03/2018 21:06

Do they cook? Maybe a nice cookbook? ASk for some reccomendations on here and maybe find a £ suitable that isn’t JAmie or nigella obvious?

Pikehau · 10/03/2018 21:10

Mclaggan Smith mugs are nice

SimplySwimming · 10/03/2018 21:13

I get currency...I always enjoy it if they're going somewhere like Egypt where you end up putting a few hundred E Pounds in for £25

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/03/2018 21:13

Mr and Mrs stuff will only be appropriate if she’s changing her name.

TroubledLichen · 10/03/2018 21:16

They’ve asked for donations for their honeymoon, donate £20, buy them a card and be done with it. I don’t see why you’d waste your money buying them something they don’t want.

If it were me getting married, of all the suggestions on here (mugs, hampers, restaurant vouchers that don’t even cover the cost of a meal, board games, canvas photo package, cook books etc.) the only one that wouldn’t go straight in the bin/to the charity shop would be a bottle of fizz.

Sorry to be blunt, honestly I’d never say anything but thank you to anyone’s faces but if you go down the cheap and cheerful gift route then chances are you’ll be giving them something they really don’t want.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 10/03/2018 21:18

We asked for honeymoon donations if people really felt the need to give something - we had friends who we knew were financially struggling and the fact that they gave £10 or £20 meant so much.

We chose to thank everyone individually (no generic thank you notes, everyone got an individual hand written card) and detailed what we spent THEIR contribution on, whether it was a meal, tickets to an attraction, a bottle of something, a book etc.

Maybe you could give a small amount of money and a note like "have a drink on us" or something

Original poster

Paie · 10/03/2018 21:18

Thanks for all the replies!
I quite like a few ideas- bottle of nice fizz/ Mr & Mrs mugs, or a round at the pub! We're only going to the evening do as the rest of us will be at work! There's less than 10 of us in the workplace, otherwise I'd love to do a big collective thing like the £2 coin jar suggestion

For those saying I'm mean for not wanting to spend out, it's going to cost us more than £40 to attend the night anyway- And we won't be there for more than a couple of hours. We really don't have the cash to spare- lots of sick time recently has seriously messed with our finances. So by June we'll finally be able to start buying baby bits- only a month before DUe date!

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 10/03/2018 21:19

They've asked for a contribution to their honeymoon so that's what I'd give them. Even £20/£30 is better than something they won't want.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/03/2018 21:20

Put £3 pw by until the wedding - you'll have £30+ to give them then (change it into notes, though!)

kaytee87 · 10/03/2018 21:21

Cross post. It sounds like you can't afford to be attending weddings tbh and I doubt you'll even feel like it 2 weeks before your due date. You could just turn the invitation down and save the money.

BackforGood · 10/03/2018 23:31

We're only going to the evening do as the rest of us will be at work! There's less than 10 of us in the workplace, otherwise I'd love to do a big collective thing like the £2 coin jar suggestion

eh ?
Out Team isn't much bigger, and, on these occasions, an envelope goes round and you cross off your name when you have seen the envelope. You could (if you so wanted) pass it on without putting anything in. You could put in £20 or £5. Everyone gives what they would like to / are able to, and only the collection organiser and the recipient knows the total, and no-one knows who gave what.
The recipient has £100 towards spends on their honeymoon and everyone is happy.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 11/03/2018 09:16

So it's an evening only invite, that's even worse. Not good enough to see the actual wedding but good enough to make up numbers for the party as long as you pay for the honeymoon

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