Getting rid of the cat 😔

[Twocatsonebaby]

So dp and my relationship hasn't been too decent lately. I kicked him out last week and finally got him to leave. Then I had a scare with ds (currently 37 weeks pregnant) and in all honesty, he's back in as I need the support and help more than ever with dd as I have severe sciatica and my mom is ill.. He's my only support however useless he is. Which I'll give it to him, it's kicked him up the arse a bit as I've not lifted a finger. So he's here until ds is born and a few weeks after to bond etc. This is irrelevant but I have a point with it.
So I have a cat. A cat that came with my house as its rented from family. This is the home my brother committed suicide in so the cat belonged to him and sorta "comes with the house" when I asked my dad if he could have her back at his.
.. She's a lovely little black cat. But I feel like she needs someone who would put all their time into her like my brother did. Apart from work all my brother did was come home to pander to the cat. He worshiped her and I feel like with such a young dd already and ds.. The cat will really be pushed out and I've googled online and I think in all honesty, she's getting depressed. I'll still have her on my lap if I have 5 mins but I don't allow her in the bedrooms as Im starting to think dd could be allergic to her and as dp is severely allergic and is struggling to breathe due to her everyday.. I can't have the cat in our bedrooms. I've made her a comfy bed in the hallway etc, but she scratches at the doors every opportunity waking us up in the night.
It's difficult as she's the only thing my brother has left behind in the whole universe and I'd hate to see her go to a bad home. She's 13 now but I know she's unhappy.
I'm unhappy too because I really worry with her. She bolt's up the stairs at me and down repeatedly when I'm walking down them or carrying dd down them. Constantly at my feet for food even though I've just put food out for her. (it could be a bit of tuna that I've given her that she adores and she will still be round me) and I'm starting to worry about falling over her (I've been tripping over her) 37 weeks pregnant.

Dd loves her. But if she's allergic I'm not sure what I can do for her after seeing now how ill her fur and dander makes him.
Ive asked my mom if she wanted to take her on as she keeps saying she'd love another cat and she would still be in our family, but my mom lost her two last year and can't go through the heartbreak again.. Which is understandable entirely. An she wants her own life and to go away without having to worry about the cat.
But she's my brothers and I just can't let her go but I'm not sure how much longer she can stay here unhappy :(
I really don't want her to go to some home where she's treated badly. I'd never forgive myself. An she's old and she would most likely be put down.

I don't know what to do :( can anyone offer advice?

By him I mean dp. How ill her fur and dander makes dp**

If you ask Cats Protection to rehome her, they do a home visit assessment on all potential new owners, and would not put her somewhere unsuitable. I’m so sorry about your brother and all your other problems- I hope life gets easier for you soon.

I did think about cats protection as all my brothers funeral donation money went there and I've voulenteered for them and my mom works with them now. But when I asked her earlier she said she was unsure how they kept them. I'm not getting rid of her if she's going to a bad home or in a cage. She deserves happiness and devotion for the rest of her life, I just don't know what to do :(

A lot of the more local type rescue centres will help you find a home through them without putting the cat into a cattery first

DP can have an allergy jab or antihistamines until his system gets used to the cat. You don’t know about Dd but can watch that.

Cats don’t ask for much really, a knee, a passing fuss, a stroke, a few toys, a climbing scratch post thing. I’ll be honest and say I don’t see how having a cat could interfere with new baby. If the cat’s depressed it’s because it needs a bit more attention or at least entertained a bit more. She won’t like bring banished into a hall. If you do get her regimes be very selective where she goes. She gave her all to your DB and deserves the very best whatever you do.

At 13, she may not get rehomed, sounds like she's just getting old rather than depressed

Our local branch of CP don’t use cages or catteries - they have volunteer foster homes that take one or two cats at a time. It’s the same in my daughter’s city branch too. The foster carer keeps the cat until a new owner is found.

He's been taking them daily for a year and he's getting a lot worse. I'm a bit concerned as only he knows how he's feeling.
See, I try all that with her. I have toys and whatever time I have does go on her now dp has taken on most of the household responsibilities. As I type dd is asleep and the cat is sitting next to the bath as I'm in if having a love with one hand. It's just not enough for her I don't think. My dd is 11 months and not yet fully mobile so it's constantly having eyes. A newborn won't really be a problem. But I can imagine it will get harder.

If your relationship with dp is worth saving you have to find a home for the cat. If he's constantly struggling to breathe and feeling ill and exhausted no wonder he's being a bit useless.

Why do you think your dd is allergic?
If you have decided then give your parents the choice- one of them has the cat and you do holiday feeding or the cat goes to cats protection.
Or is your dad saying no cat, no house?

I'd love to find her somewhere like my granddads. He passed away a few years ago but he was devoted to his cats and every second he spent with them. But I'd also love updates etc :( but I don't really think such a home exists.

Honestly, I’d say persevere and keep trying with her. Push through this and she wil reward you more greatly than you could ever imagine.
It sounds like she could be exactly what you need in a few weeks / months times.
You know it’s proven they lower our heart rate and blood pressure just by purring on our laps

I’m allergic to our cat and although my youngest seems to cope better he has coughing fits if he sleeps in his bed after she has been in. I take antihistamines (a lot of them so I can breathe) and keep her out of those bedrooms. I’m not really a fan of cats but I took that responsibility on.

At 13 you can’t rehome her it’s not fair.

If she’s inconvenient, maybe PTS will be a better option or a foster home.

@missy, it was horrible watching I'm struggle this morning even with tablets. He's really suffering and dd is starting to get snuffly, itchy etc around her. Eyes watering etc. She adores the cat though.
I can't force my mom, she can't take anymore hurt but I don't see another option.
My dad just refuses and tells me she comes with the house.

If I could find her a decent home I'd even still pay her expenses. I can't afford a lot and her vet bills were extortionate being as though she had something wrong with her ear, id still pay for her luxury for what little time she has left and for the happiness she deserves. I know she's a cat, but when I lost my brother, she lost her world I want her to be happy :(

I know. My kitty from a young age was put to sleep last year. He was so loyal and so so loving. I'm still devestated over it and I miss him terribly. I just feel she isn't happy and I feel like an awful owner because I can't give her my full attention all the time all she wants is to be on my lap on a cushion, which she does get, but dd is always with me and pulls at her. I'm trying to teach "nice to cat" and keep her hands away. Thankfully the cat is golden and she wouldn't hurt her although they're never left unattended. If anything the cat guards her

What Is PTS?

PTS is put to sleep.

I can see that isn't an option for you but I really think you need to choose bw your cat and your partner. It's really unreasonable of you to expect him to live somewhere that makes him so ill. If he's only with you for a few weeks couldn't your mum have the cat til he moves out again? Or a foster home for that time?

Put To Sleep

PTS = Put To Sleep 😢

PTS to me sounds like put to sleep - which is terrible advice!

I agree with pp - you may be able to find local rescue centres that put their cats in foster homes rather than catteries.

I am a big cat lover and belong to a facebook page called Crazy Cat Ladies (there's a few with similar names...it's this one: www.facebook.com/groups/crazyCCL/ ) and it's full of the biggest cat lovers ever. If you posted on there I think you'd have a taker, and someone willing to keep you updated etc.

Personally, I think the kindest thing to do is let her live out her final years in the comfort of her own home. It sounds as though you do give her attention and your DD must do too.

:o never. I Could never put her down. That's worse than rehoming her. She's very healthy and very much still kitten like and very active. I Could never ever do that to her unless she was ill and necessary. Thank you ladies and especially for the Facebook page I'll have a look.
Honestly if dp is still willing to help me like he is, it is worth saving and he's suffering so much. But a foster home is worth looking into just Incase. I really don't want to do any of this. I'd love to be able to give her a happy life but I don't think I can give her everything she needs and wants. But she does need comfort and attention and to be a happy spritely cat that she is

Op I promise you, decent homes can be found for her.
I recently took in a little one, don’t know much of her background, only got an estimated age and vet agreed roughly with it. I immediately had her spayed and she lives the life of Riley with me and my dc- they adore her.
People like me are absolute suckers for stories like yours and if I’d taken mine in and a condition was that the previous owners had updates, I’d be perfectly happy with that, specially given how she came to be with you.

Please contact cats protection. Your family and she deserve the chance to at least know

I do try to give her as much as I can but it doesn't seem to be enough from my perspective. My dd is still so young and doesn't understand. She accidentally trapped her between the walker and the door and hurt the poor cat. I've never heard her yelp like it. Thankfully there was no damage done and the cat after a thorough check was okay. Just shocked I think. :( I felt awful but dd doesn't know and I turned my back for a second. I felt terrible and gave her dreamies after and made sure she was okay. But I can see it getting worse with two children under one for the cat

I rehomed a cat through Cat Protection and they got me to send a pic, a few details and they advertised him and I kept him until he was rehomed. This was because they had no space for him.

I had to rehome because he kept attacking my DC. I had to put them first, as you do.

Maybe they could offer this to you?

Thank you @ellen I love my cats and it really is last resort to do any of this. I'm going to keep her until myself and dp have figured it out. His mom before she died took in any cat young or old and it's made him ill most of his life. He's been popping the antihistamines for years. His nan visited today and said about the injections but I'm not sure how decent they work? I would like to keep her but I'm unsure what's best. I do hope so though, there needs to be more like you. It breaks my heart going into cats protection and all the little cats needing adoption on the screen. It's a shame they're mostly black and white and black cats and elderly. But that's why I worry for my kitty