Getting rid of the cat 😔

[Twocatsonebaby]

So dp and my relationship hasn't been too decent lately. I kicked him out last week and finally got him to leave. Then I had a scare with ds (currently 37 weeks pregnant) and in all honesty, he's back in as I need the support and help more than ever with dd as I have severe sciatica and my mom is ill.. He's my only support however useless he is. Which I'll give it to him, it's kicked him up the arse a bit as I've not lifted a finger. So he's here until ds is born and a few weeks after to bond etc. This is irrelevant but I have a point with it.
So I have a cat. A cat that came with my house as its rented from family. This is the home my brother committed suicide in so the cat belonged to him and sorta "comes with the house" when I asked my dad if he could have her back at his.
.. She's a lovely little black cat. But I feel like she needs someone who would put all their time into her like my brother did. Apart from work all my brother did was come home to pander to the cat. He worshiped her and I feel like with such a young dd already and ds.. The cat will really be pushed out and I've googled online and I think in all honesty, she's getting depressed. I'll still have her on my lap if I have 5 mins but I don't allow her in the bedrooms as Im starting to think dd could be allergic to her and as dp is severely allergic and is struggling to breathe due to her everyday.. I can't have the cat in our bedrooms. I've made her a comfy bed in the hallway etc, but she scratches at the doors every opportunity waking us up in the night.
It's difficult as she's the only thing my brother has left behind in the whole universe and I'd hate to see her go to a bad home. She's 13 now but I know she's unhappy.
I'm unhappy too because I really worry with her. She bolt's up the stairs at me and down repeatedly when I'm walking down them or carrying dd down them. Constantly at my feet for food even though I've just put food out for her. (it could be a bit of tuna that I've given her that she adores and she will still be round me) and I'm starting to worry about falling over her (I've been tripping over her) 37 weeks pregnant.

Dd loves her. But if she's allergic I'm not sure what I can do for her after seeing now how ill her fur and dander makes him.
Ive asked my mom if she wanted to take her on as she keeps saying she'd love another cat and she would still be in our family, but my mom lost her two last year and can't go through the heartbreak again.. Which is understandable entirely. An she wants her own life and to go away without having to worry about the cat.
But she's my brothers and I just can't let her go but I'm not sure how much longer she can stay here unhappy :(
I really don't want her to go to some home where she's treated badly. I'd never forgive myself. An she's old and she would most likely be put down.

I don't know what to do :( can anyone offer advice?

We rehomed our beautiful cat from a family who had a similar situation in terms of their children, although no allergies. They felt she wasn’t getting the attention she deserved. She is currently lying half on my lap, and half on a heated throw, snoring, and is the boss of our house. I keep in touch with her previous family and send them photos every few months, and they are delighted that she’s so happy and well loved. (And a spoilt madam!) I hope you find a lovely home for her, OP.

I’m so sorry, it all sounds pretty bloody awful for you.

If I could, I’d have her for you and send photos etc but I won’t have cats here because the road we live on is a cat magnet and there’s no safe outdoors space and a bunch of other reasons like maybe having to rent this place out & move due to work contracts.

...but I’m sure there must be other people, like me, that would happily take in an older cat and dote on them & send you photos.

I couldn’t rehome to an unknown person, but maybe there’s someone in your extended family or a parent of friends etc that would take her for you?

Don't ever make the mistake of thinking it's cruel to PTS an animal. This cat has already had the upset of losing your brother that adored her, now you're hoping to pass her on - that's a third owner and upheaval for her when she's an elderly cat. If you happen to find the perfect home, great, but it's more likely that she'd struggle, at least initially. To put her to sleep quietly in her own home wouldn't be cruel. I'd always do that with an older cat over risking the cat be upset and passed from pillar to post. I'm a huge animal lover with a houseful of rescue animals, but I'm not one of these "alive and having a hard life is better than being put down" types.

@Twocatsonebaby: your cat means so much history to you, and is such a symbol of many things you hold dear, that perhaps you're forgetting a bit that she's a cat.

All the things you write - scratching at doors, trying to trip you over, demanding more tuna - are normal cat behaviour! In fact it sounds pretty healthy, and not unhappy at all!

Your head is in turmoil because of your human circumstances and you seem to be projecting some of them onto the cat, who really doesn't feel pushed out, worried about the future, unhappy etc. She really doesn't.

I wrote the above NOT to dismiss your feelings or instinct after all, it is your cat. But it struck me that perhaps dealing with the cat by making her a bigger problem, you're trying to get some control over your life back. Otoh maybe that's too deep and far-fetched, in which case: it's a cat, put her out when she's being annoying

My cat is 14 and more attention seeking as he ages. He gets plenty of attention but when he's too needy I tell him off and he leaves me alone. He is happy. He knows his home, his garden, where his food is etc. I couldn't bear to put him through the stress of a new home at his age.
I give him 5 minutes a day with a laser pen to tire him out. Come spring I will barely see him ' he'll be out killing things.

So maybe the cold weather has seen you spending more time with him indoors?

She's been an indoor cat all her life. I do offer her especially in summer to go out but she has a look and runs back in

If she’s inconvenient, maybe PTS will be a better option or a foster home.

Ouch! Good luck finding a vet who’ll euthanise a healthy cat.

Re-home her, OP, so she’s loved, safe and your children aren’t affected. Your dd sounds allergic and can’t be comfortable. Don’t feel bad, this is not your cat.

Twocats sorry for calling her 'he'. I do sympathise on the indoor thing - it's like you never get a break from her.

@Twocatsonebaby are you based anywhere near London? (Thinking of an amazing charity who accept referrals for rehoming).

Your cat sounds like my cat's twin. I got mine 2 years ago & she's now 11 but her favourite things include running in front of me on the stairs and spending all day trying to get more food..even if her bowl is full. Although she is the most wonderful loving cat & so tolerant with our 8 month old who isn't always gentle. No idea why she spends her life following around a tiny human who manhandles her but each to their own! She's indoors only & is happy with 10 minutes a day of laser pointer time & just gets involved in whatever we're doing whether she's sitting in the middle of building blocks or following DD around the floor. They're usually just happy being involved. I don't have a lot of time to sit with her on my lap as I used to but she seems happy with her new set up. What makes you think your cat is depressed? However if people in your household have serious allergies that's another thing.

Twocarsonebaby . If I were you I would have this thread moved to 'the litter tray' section. There are some amazing knowledgeable cat lovers over there who have been known to save the day with urgent and specific rehoming problems. It certainly won't hurt! Good luck

Whereabouts are you, OP? I’m involved in a cat rescue and have contacts for fosters etc; we might be able to help (or even offer advice, to see if there’s a way you can keep your cat)? Feel free to PM.

I think that the cat would be much more distressed being rehomed, they are very territorial, she would have to find new territory and new neighbour cats might be mean! Leave her where she is settled. She just needs to get used to a little less attention. She doesn't need to be in the bedrooms, my cat isn't allowed in.

Who cares about your DPs snuffles when you've kicked him out anyways?!

Oh! just seen she is kept indoors. Please rehome and give her a chance to experience a full life. Indoor cats do seem to have a tendency to end up all messed up and neurotic without high amount of attention and stimulation.

Cats protection are wonderful, just give them a call. They will give updates at the beginning and can do home to home rehoming, or she will go to a foster home til the home has been found. We got our cats through them and while the more established foster carers do sometimes have (large) pens for the safety of the pets or because they are fostering several at a time, lots just keep them in a spare room with a bed til a home is found. The foster carers we met couldn't have been more caring and attentive to my cats, spending time with them and making sure they were happy. They are all volunteers and do it for the love of cats.

Give them a call OP, it sounds like your cat and you will be happier so feel no guilt!

PTS - what crazy advice