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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Birthday card!

66 replies

ruthieb77 · 08/03/2018 20:03

It was my birthday yesterday and although I had a nice card and gift from my husband, he didn't organise a card from our 4 and 5 year old daughters because 'he hasn't had time'! I'm a full-time mum to the girls so they are my life. I am therefore really hurt and upset that he didn't either buy or make a card with them. I've just told him that I was upset and he's thrown it back at me as though I'm being unreasonable. He has been been genuinely busy at work but I'm talking about a card! Am I being unreasonable or is it normal to be hurt and upset?

OP posts:

lostlemon · 08/03/2018 20:56

I'm with you OP and would also be disappointed. This would have been a great opportunity for your DH to spend some time with your children encourating them to to draw you a card. All it has to be is a piece of paper and some pens, a 5 minute job which would mean a lot to you.

Mumsnet is full of people whose husbands don't do this kind of stuff or it doesn't occur to them. There's a lot of men out there who don't care if they don't get cards/presents/a fuss made of their birthdays. As with other posters this is exactly what I would do to my OP if he couldn't be bothered to put some effort in.

What a shame, if we all couldn't be bothered to make people feel extra special on their birthday, that we can't show our children that this ONE way of expressing love/appreciation etc what a dull place the world woudl be. I suppose the other option is to treat every day the same and go around thinking that people 'know' they are special.

DextroDependant · 08/03/2018 20:59

If he got you a card from himself he must have been in the are shop so being bust is no excuse, he was already there.

He has obviously not thought about it then got on the defensive when you mentioned it and tried to twist it round on you.

bridgetreilly · 08/03/2018 20:59

I'm a full-time mum to the girls so they are my life.

This is very, very unreasonable in every respect.

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/03/2018 21:03

I'm with you OP. If he had time to pick up a wife card he could have picked up a mummy one too.

daffodil10 · 08/03/2018 21:07

I would hate to bring children up to think that when it's their birthday every single year there has to be a massive fuss. This then just leads to tears and drama when this doesn't happen. Some years my husband sends roses to the office on Valentine's Day, some years he doesn't - I don't expect it and I don't kick off. He buys flowers regularly on other days. Some years my children get parties and lots of presents, some years they don't - they've been brought up not to kick off if a huge fuss is not made.

GrannyGrissle · 08/03/2018 21:08

Having spent last weekend ordering too many too expensive pairs of shoes my Mothers' Day presents and enabling DD (4) to make me a card, i say be the change you want to see, or in this case buy the present you bloody well want and deserve.
Lets face it if MN is anything to go by most DH/DP couldn't give a toss whether their DW/DP likes receiving cards and gifts, so i'd advise you to take matters into your own hands on special occasions and thus avoid dissapointment.

PinkLemonade4 · 08/03/2018 21:09

YABU. He bought you a gift and card.

Yes, it would have been nice to have received a handmade card from your children but it's not the be all and end all. He's been busy and he showed he loves you by buying you a present and card. You know your children love you, you don't need your husband to buy you a present 'from them' to know that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 21:15

Crikey I thought you were going to say you didn't get anything at all. But you did. A nice card and gift.

Did he sign it just from him or did he put their names in too?

Adventuritis · 09/03/2018 11:39

For goodness sake, if you want them to make you a card then get out the paper and glitter glue and let them make it! When is he supposed to have time!

blastomama · 09/03/2018 11:41

I think you're being very unerasonable. He got you a card and a gift and you're still not happy!

Trinity66 · 09/03/2018 11:43

wouldn't bother me tbh, it's not like he forgot your birthday

Ubercornsdiscoball · 09/03/2018 11:45

Meh. I wouldn’t be bothered. He got you something. It’s not great that he didn’t sort a card from the children but it’s not the worst thing to happen.

KinkyAfro · 09/03/2018 11:46

Why do people have to be so nasty ffs

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2018 11:50

Nasty?! Don't be so dramatic.

blastomama · 09/03/2018 11:54

Why do people have to be so nasty ffs

Where?

KinkyAfro · 09/03/2018 12:14

Why do people have to be so nasty

Flair for dramatics
Get a grip
Being daft
Absolutely ridiculous
Very very unreasonable

LexieLulu · 09/03/2018 12:28

I agree with you OP. I am certain your DH had five minutes to sit with the kids and colour a picture

FizzyDipDabs · 09/03/2018 12:46

It was only at 6 the DC started to get excited about mine and DH's birthdays and they asked to make cards, chose and wrap presents, help make birthday cakes. Before that they didn't really care, and it would have been DH, and he gets me presents anyway.
At 6, they went into random shop and picked me presents, I got a stuffed lizard and a yoyo that meant something.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2018 12:54

Those comments are not nasty kinky for goodness sake. Direct and possibly abrupt but given what the OP asked I don't think they were really that out of order personally.

Nasty would have been something very different.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2018 12:56

Lexie how can you be certain the H had to time to sit and get the dc to colour in a picture?

Do you know him then? He bought a present and a card for his wife's birthday which is perfectly fine.

LexieLulu · 09/03/2018 14:25

5 minutes is nothing! He was in the shop getting his own card. An additional card would have took no effort.

Putting it in front of the children? I'm sorry but 5 minutes is overestimating the time it would take! I'd be worried if he wasn't spending anytime at all with them.

"Here's a card for mummy want to colour it in?" That's all he had to do.

daffodil10 · 09/03/2018 14:35

Lexie- that's quite correct it would have only taken 5 minutes but he didn't do it. It's not really something to get so wound up and upset over though is it. Accept it and move on - bigger issues in the world. If this is really so upsetting perhaps you need to find more to do !

ittakes2 · 09/03/2018 14:37

sorry but I think you are being unreasonable - he got you a card. if you would like a card from your children - why don't you ask them to make you one? It will be just as special as I am sure what they will make will come from the heart.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2018 14:41

It doesn't make him a bad husband because he didn't get a card off his children for their mother. Goodness me. He forgot or didn't think to. It's absolutely nothing.

IF he'd not bought the OP anything for her birthday then yes this would be lousy but he did. A lovely card and gift. That's more than many people get.

SweetMoon · 09/03/2018 14:48

YANBU he could have picked up a card from them when he bought his one. It sounds like he just didn't think tbh.

On the bright side my oh once decided that he would help my dcs (3 and 2 at the time) make a birthday card for me. He'd bought craft stuff and everything including glue and FIVE pots of GLITTER. He then let them go ahead with the card making whilst he made a cup of tea . They opened the glue and glitter and just tipped it out on their cards. When I got in there was glitter everywhere. Seriously it was bloody EVERYWHERE. I was presented with lovely cards for which I was extremely grateful but FFS the GLITTER!

Oh looked quite sheepish and admitted he cocked up there once they had gone to bed but for weeks later we were still finding glitter on things. I appreciated the idea, I really did and he did just get some card and stickers the following year for them! So at least you didn't have that headache op

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