AIBU to think my OH is being unreasonable?

[AriAliyah]

I'm 4+3 weeks pg. My other half snores very loudly and has only done so for the last few months. I've been asking him for weeks to go to the doctors and he keeps saying he will, but never does. I sleep with headphones in and when it's loudest I sleep on the sofa. Am I being unreasonable in calling him a selfish a** for not just going to the doctors when he knows I'm exhausted and can't sleep?

@chailatte64 @nannybeach thank you. Was a bit shocked to see someone tell me to 'wake up'. People can be mean. I guess they get a kick out of it...

Thank you both x

Would he cooperate enough to try out different pillows ? My husband had some shoulder pain and in finding the right ( firmer, higher) pillow for that, discovered that the snoring stopped. Beconase type nasal spray, just before bed can also help ( we carry that if sleeping away from home). He isn't overweight but I know I will start intermittent snoring if I put on only a few pounds - it's a better indicator for me than my favourite jeans not fitting !

DP is a terrible snorer (he always has been - has a deviated septum) - so I often wear the squishy foam ear plugs and they really work (even when I had babies - Somehow it drowned out his snoring enough, but I could still hear their cries)

DP also refuses to go to the doctor, because he knows what it is (and has seen deviated septum surgeries on TV and doesn't want any part of it!), BUT when I nudge him to roll over, he does, with nothing more than sleepy token complaint for being poked. If he snapped then it would be a whole different game.

My husband used to snore terribly. I make him sleep on his side and it stops it. He used to always sleep on his back, but knowing that it makes him snore he actually makes the effort to be on his side and then I tell him (nicely) if he moves onto his back in the night. Nothing else worked for him but this works fine.

pictish - harsh. Early pg is knackering. Doctors can do a lot. My BIL was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and has oxygen at night. Docs can also check that there aren't any other underlying conditions that can aggravate snoring.
If the Op's H isn't bothered, then he is a selfish git.

I did say "remove" healthy toncils, just to stop snoring, if they are enlarged and blocking the airway, they areant healthy are they!

If they're not enlarged, then they're not causing you to snore. I don't really get your point. I suggested tonsils could be removed if they were causing snoring. "Healthy" tonsils (is there such a thing - they're vestigial organs) were not what I was referring to.

HA you're only 4 weeks - wait till you're 30 weeks gone, sleep will be a thing of the past. Think of it as preparation for when baby arrives ;)

40 odd years ago toncils were removed when you got sore throats, as were forskins believing them to be vestigal, like apendixes, now a lot of surgeons (yes, ones I have worked with) feel toncils go a long way to reventing germs bacteria from emtering the lungs.

And NO before any idiot says it, I wasnt saying forskins were removed for sore throats!

I agree with pp that your OH is being selfish in refusing to try anything to stop snoring and I'd be very concerned about him shouting at you.

But as part of a couple that both snore on occasion can I suggest: encouraging him to blow his nose before going to sleep, gently waking him when he's snoring loudly and asking him to roll into his other side (the less snorey one if he has one or just the one facing away from you), if the snoring is just low level rhythmic stuff trying to sleep through it as you can get used to it (there's no getting used to some of the more dramatic stuff).

Also snoring is a really common pregnancy symptom so you may find you are the snorer in a few months and appreciate some gentler solutions yourself.

YANBU. My DM resorted to drugging herself due to my dad's refusal to address his snoring, which I found horrific.

YANBU. DW has inoperable airways and sinus scarring. We're on our 18th year of separate bedrooms. There's also the shift patterns and my screaming sweating nightmares.

I have my alarm on vibrate next to me but yes I can hear it but I can’t hear the snoring.

Snoring is HIS problem - and he needs to sort it! It's not normal to snore, and can actually be really damaging to his health. People who snore are 3 times more likely to develop heart disease and 6 times more likely to have a stroke (gleaned all this when I was so worried about DH's snoring!)

If he's refusing to go to the doctors, buy him an anti-snoring product like a throat spray. All he has to do is spray it into his mouth before bed - and that's it. If that doesn't work, try an oral device for severe snorers, or nasal strips/spray if his problem is nasal snoring. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, there's a product for all types of snorers!! You don't have to live with it.

My DH used to use the Snoreeze throat spray, and now he uses their Oral Device. I saw it in Boots and it's been a miracle worker. Try it!!!

Not surprised you're knackered, constant exhaustion was my earliest pregnancy symptom, even before i took a test. So you do need your sleep.

'now a lot of surgeons (yes, ones I have worked with) feel toncils go a long way to reventing germs bacteria from emtering the lungs.'

Lack of sleep lowers the immune system and can also make a person more prone to infection. Sleep apnoea can seriously compromise a person's well being. People who snore usually aren't getting quality sleep. And if it's caused by enlarged tonsils then the tonsils are not healthy, anyway.

I really empathise OP. My ex started snoring 2 years into our relationship after gaining some weight (about a stone) and it took about another year to persuade him to see his GP. I was exhausted and needed an extra hour or two in bed after he woke up at the weekend - then he'd be frustrated that I was in bed delaying the start to the day as he wouldn't eat until I got up too. Weekdays were tough as we were both up early for work.

Holidays were terrible as I was shattered. The doctor prescribed a nasal spray which he would only take 5 mins before jumping into bed, although it was prescribed for twice daily usage. I tried countless types of earplugs and listening to audio books with headphones in. I'd get up and sleep on the sofa but could hear him through the ceiling. He wouldn't exercise or drink more water etc. After many arguments - and another year - he asked to be referred to a specialist who found a very deep-rooted sinus infection. Treatment for that did help somewhat.

Eventually we were in separate rooms probably 6 nights of the week which didn't help our relationship.

The only suggestion I have is to try talking about it when out of the house some afternoon and explaining calmly how it's impacting you. Talking about it at home always led to arguments with us!