AIBU to think my OH is being unreasonable?

[AriAliyah]

I'm 4+3 weeks pg. My other half snores very loudly and has only done so for the last few months. I've been asking him for weeks to go to the doctors and he keeps saying he will, but never does. I sleep with headphones in and when it's loudest I sleep on the sofa. Am I being unreasonable in calling him a selfish a** for not just going to the doctors when he knows I'm exhausted and can't sleep?

Arialiyah, you're definitely not being unreasonable.

Have you got a spare bedroom?

What do you think Drs do about snoring? There's no cure. Sedatives can relax the muscles to lessen it but that's about it.

Can we always demand our partners take sedatives when we think it'll help us?

No-one has demanded anyone take sedatives.

It's often extra weight that causes snoring, or back sleeping, there are steps that can be taken if he gave a shit about his partner's ability to sleep.

Has he heard himself snoring? Can you record it on your phone and play back to him? Maybe it’ll embarrass him in to getting help if he hears how loud he is.

Does he also have sleep apnea? It often goes hand in hand with heavy snoring.

Has he tried Breathe Right strips? An elevating pillow? Side sleeping?

What do you think Drs do about snoring? There's no cure.

Doctors can do things to help, like removing tonsils and adenoids, but they're mostly invasive. There are also oral appliances a dentist can make for you that can help.

Yanbu about the snoring. If it's bothering you, he should at least try to get it sorted.

I assume by 4+3 you mean 3 days late for your period? With all due respect, early pregnancy is hard, for some, the hardest part, but you won't be experiencing that properly yet. Unless you're counting differently, and are 4 weeks since your missed period (8+3?) in which case, I have the utmost sympathy.

@staySeated I think it depends on what causes it. I don't think sedatives would usually be used in a case of snoring? It would likely make it worse as they relax you further.

If you have an abnormality in your nose (polyps for example), a very minor surgery can be carried out.

If your nose is blocked or dry, you can be given a prescription nasal spray.

If you have a narrowing in either of your nostrils they can be opened up with special devices.

If you have sleep apnoea (which can actually kill you), you must be monitored and can be given a cpap machine.

I'm sure there are more but I won't carry on.

Sorry, you're having a baby with a man who refuses to act on something that is causing you stress (your word) whilst pregnant?

Nice bloke.

Have you noticed that he stops breathing at night? My father had sleep apnea and my mother always said she knew when he'd stop breathing. If so, he needs to get checked out ASAP.

You can buy over the counter saline nasal spray which is excellent for dried up noses

@ToastyFingers I'm 4+3 in normal terms but have high HCG levels and have actually been quite unwell for the past week. I have other health issues to do with my immune system which contribute.

Ltb

So this has been an issue for years. His response is to shout at you until you shut up. Now you're having his baby and somehow thinking this will make him change his tune?

Get yourself over to the relationship boards and read the posts of women who are years down the line of living with and making children with men who shout at their wives. You think this is different. You think he will change. Go and read about all the other women who thought the same.

Wake up.

sedatives can relax the throat muscles and make you snore even more, and where do you get sedatives. My DH doesnt drink isnt overweight, no cause can be found for is occasionally really loud snoring, what surgeon is going to remove healthy toncils to stop snoring. Ifs its every night all night, yes a visit to the GP, youn have covered everything in your last posting AriAiyah, I sleep really badly after retiring from 25 years of night work, sometimes 1 hour a night, but its my problem, not his, so am doing a sleep "retraining" thing, so as not to mind the snoring. Has it just become a problem?

Fair enough, if you're ill, you're ill. DH snores badly, but has done all his life. As he isn't overweight and has no apneoa, the GP isn't interested. There is one position he lies in, where he doesn't snore, so you could try that. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

@nannybeach thanks for the sensible comment lol. Not sure what to make of being told to 'wake up'. People can be extremely harsh!

It started in the last 3/4 months. It's all night every night. I'm just struggling a bit and needed reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable asking him to go to the doctors.

what surgeon is going to remove healthy toncils to stop snoring.

Why wouldn't they? If they're enlarged and causing issues such as snoring. My son snored and the ENT suggested removing his adenoids. It did the trick. He sleeps a lot better now that he doesn't snore like a buzzsaw.

@ToastyFingers thank you. I'm just at a loss. I think we've all been in a situation like this before and I just needed a bit of advice/reassurance from people who have maybe been in the same situation.

It bugs me how some people get arsey and feel the need to leave unhelpful, mean comments when someone is asking for help/advice. YANBU. Ignore the nasties!

Tbf to OP I found 4 weeks to be the most exhausting bit of pregnancy. I napped at least once a day with DD1and still struggled to stay awake in the early evenings. It completely wiped me out!

he's not the one being kept awake

That's your bottom line I'm afraid - my DH didn't do anything about his snoring til I started waking him up every time he woke me up. Not spitefully, just for a couple of nights to give him a proper idea of just how bad it was.

I suspect your DH is anticipating being told he needs to cut back on the vape, lose weight, drink less etc. depending on his current lifestyle - and all these things can help. But he also needs to be properly examined and find out if there's anything else causing it.

@MrTumblesSpottyHag oh no! I'm hoping it'll get better as my pregnancy progresses. I'm usually a night owl, but find myself going to bed earlier and earlier and still not being able to stay awake at work! Thanks for your comment

I did say "remove" healthy toncils, just to stop snoring, if they are enlarged and blocking the airway, they areant healthy are they! as with any operation, it carries risks.with you chailatte64, so very unpleasant
unhelpful folk out there! Ari, thank you, and no you are not being unreasonable! Men and Doctors, eh!

Maybe try silicon earplugs from Boots and separate bedrooms for a while - is there room for a single bed in the nursery? And yes he should go to the Doc. Neither or you will value sleep more than you will once the baby is born. You'll be fine, everyone manages but sleep is a commodity now in our house! Good luck OP x