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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking the bridesmaid should get a plus one?

43 replies

CraicMammy · 07/03/2018 21:58

The bridesmaid has received her wedding invitation this week, she is the sister of the bride.

The invite is just for bridesmaid, not her boyf of three years. He’s a lovely lad, has seen the bridesmaid through some very tough times, but her parents don’t like him basically because they’re snobs.

Wedding is 100+ day guests, more for the evening, so it’s not a numbers thing.

AIBU thinking it’s totally out of order to put the bridesmaid in this position when she’s giving up her time to help with preparations, organise the hen etc, but leave her to explain why the boyf isn’t welcome?

OP posts:
CocoLoco87 · 07/03/2018 22:01

They're sisters? The bride isn't inviting her sisters boyfriend of 3 years to the wedding? Seems very odd. It's up to the bride and groom though so I'd speak to them and ask why. It's not up to the snobby parents unless they're paying for the whole thing.

Bunbunbunny · 07/03/2018 22:01

What are the in laws going to do if she marries this guy? Not turn up! I think it’s horrible situation & I’d decline to be a bridesmaid if I was in that situation

Bitchywaitress · 07/03/2018 22:02

How very very rude!

beardymcbeardy · 07/03/2018 22:04

Yanbu. Essentially the bil is not invited to the wedding? Unless there is some back story and he is an absolute arse then that seems so rude. I don't think I would have attended my sister's wedding even as a bridesmaid under those circumstances.

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 22:04

That's very rude, if it were me I'd feel quite hurt by it.

Rachie1973 · 07/03/2018 22:05

I'd decline the invitation to be bridesmaid in those circs.

3 years is long enough to be considered 'serious'

Original poster
CraicMammy · 07/03/2018 22:06

It is rude isn’t it?! And I’m struggling to believe the bride doesn’t know how hurtful she’s being. Parents aren’t paying for everything, but got their names as the inviters on the invite iyswim.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 07/03/2018 22:07

Seems mean. Assuming that he has not insulted the family, is an ex boyfriend of the bride or something else of similar ilk.

Original poster
CraicMammy · 07/03/2018 22:07

Re boyfriend, there’s no backstory, just snobbishness

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/03/2018 22:10

Can't you/she speak to the bride about it and see what her take on it is?

Original poster
CraicMammy · 07/03/2018 22:19

The bride can be difficult. I think she’s a bit snobbish and will have been under some pressure from her parents. She didn’t want to invite her oldest friend’s husband either cos she didn’t like him, but has done now because of parental pressure not to look bad Hmm

OP posts:
BookHelpPlease · 07/03/2018 22:20

How old is the bridesmaid?

Original poster
CraicMammy · 07/03/2018 22:24

Old enough to own a house and have a responsible job

OP posts:
NickyNackyNoodleNoo · 07/03/2018 22:24

The bride sounds delightful, not sure I'd want to be a bridesmaid to be honest.

DPotter · 07/03/2018 22:27

I don't know about bridesmaids having a plus one, but sisters should and frankly I think being a sister outranks a bridesmaid.
Her family are being rude - bride and parents. This sort of thing will be noticed by other guests. The sister should warn the bride and parents that she will be honest when asked where her DP is.

GinUser · 07/03/2018 22:28

When I was a bridesmaid I didn't get a plus one, but I was only 4 at the time (and the only bridesmaid).
My boyfriend didn't get an invitation to my sister's second wedding in 2009 and is not invited to my niece's wedding in August.
We have been together since 2006.
Horses for courses.

HobnobBob · 07/03/2018 22:31

She sounds lovely, as do her parents. Hmm

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 07/03/2018 22:32

I wouldn't say that a bridesmaid automatically gets a plus one but in this case where she is the sister of the bride and they have been together for 3 years it ridiculous that he hasn't been invited!

LegallyBrunet · 07/03/2018 22:35

When my boyfriend's sister got married last year, the only bridesmaid who got a plus one was the bride's sister and the only usher who got a plus one was my boyfriend- bride's brother. Groom was an only child.

CoolCarrie · 07/03/2018 22:40

That is shit to not invite him, especially after 3 years. I would be very pissed off if I was the bridesmaid and my sister did this.

Eeeeek2 · 07/03/2018 22:41

That's pretty mean if there is no backstory, I'd probably ask my sister nicely if it was an oversight. Then I'd rise above it and still be a bridesmaid and then not invite bil to my own wedding in the future.

BackforGood · 07/03/2018 22:44

"A bridesmaid" needn't have a 'plus one' because she is bridesmaid, as suggested by your thread title, but a boyfriend of 3 years to a grown woman, when the woman is the sister of the bride, should obviously be invited.

Mookatron · 07/03/2018 23:02

Were you the bridesmaid and bf expecting an invitation? Is that how they found out? Rude and horrid. Really rude and horrid. I can't imagine my sister doing this in a billion years, but if she did she'd soon know about it!!

S0upertrooper · 07/03/2018 23:19

When my SIL got married she invited her aunt and cousins but didn't invite the cousin's fiance. Her cousin went to keep her mum company but left after the meal. When the cousin got married she didn't invite any of that family and all hell broke loose, my MIL wrote an horrific letter. They still don't talk 20 odd years later. Just wait till the bride's sister gets married.......

LeighaJ · 08/03/2018 00:00

This reminds me of when my exBIL got married, they had a co-ed wedding shower in which only my ex (Who was also the best man) was invited to on the very formal invite that arrived. We'd been together for 12 years and I'd known his brother longer than his fiancee had.

I then received (addressed to me only) a quilt square they wanted me to personalise for the couple to be later sewn together with all the other squares with the sentimental quilt to be presented to the couple at their shower. Then a follow up letter 2 weeks later asking why I hadn't completed and sent back said quilt piece.

You can imagine how well all that went over. Angry