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AIBU?

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Original poster

Toddler nudity

64 replies

farnorth · 05/05/2007 21:48

In our local pool today an attendant asked if I had "a top" for my 3yo DD. She was wearing her favourite swim knickers. I said "no", he said, "please bring one next time". I said "She's 3!" Bikinis on preschoolers are ludicrous - i'd say obscene. Thoughts?

OP posts:
WK007 · 05/05/2007 22:16

pooka - I think I've unintentionally deprived her of a 'sequinny' role model - I permanently live in jeans and trainers and just about everyone I know treats her like a boy. She'll probably rebel aged 10 and spend 4 years in a fairy costume

pooka · 05/05/2007 22:17

You could be me, clothes wise. DD (nearly 4) is constantly nagging at me to wear a skirt or a pretty pink dress! Or jewellery. Or make-up. Sigh....
Still - hopefully she'll have grown out of the phase by the time your dd enters it!

MrsApron · 05/05/2007 22:23

I have a gutter urchin and I love it. Softplay party today with a tractor ride.

Little girls in silly shoes that don't stay on and frilly dresses. Encouraged to stay looking nice instead of joining in bah!

this book is a fascinating read totally recommend it.

KaySamuels · 05/05/2007 22:24

notanotter - cr*p innit?! obv have now to do with him now.
love your profile by the way - I too like things that look and smell nice babies and sweet peas

To the op - please take this further, if there is not a strict pool policy on this then do you really want aswimming pool attendant who is viewing 3yr old girls in a sexual manner? Be it conciously or not it is very disturbing to think of.

Anyhow off to bed now night all!

MrsApron · 05/05/2007 22:24

I have a gutter urchin and I love it. Softplay party today with a tractor ride.

Little girls in silly shoes that don't stay on and frilly dresses. Encouraged to stay looking nice instead of joining in bah!

this book is a fascinating read totally recommend it.

WK007 · 05/05/2007 22:24

Lol @ your dd nagging you to wear make-up!! Mine doesn't even know that exists either, the most she's seen me do is put bronzer on my face and she asked me if my face was poorly and if it was to make my face better Sometimes worry she's a bit behind in the 'being a girl' department but there's worse things in life!!

exrebel · 05/05/2007 22:26

shock!! this makes me reaaly angry! if this is really the policy, I would really try to use another pool if there is this option. or see if i can take it further with management etc

As said by others, i find the bikini top sexualising and inappropriate for girls until the breasts have started showing. The swimsuit is more acceptable as it doeasnt draw attention to the breast area (well lack of ) like the bikini top does, therefore the latter really defeats what the pool is trying to achieve

I have been in sardinia on holiday last summer and the vast majority of little girls were just wearing swim pants. Over there they still sell girly swim pants for older little girls.

My little girl is four and she will continue to wear mostly swim pants. I just buy them with the bikini top if I must, but it just stays at the back of the draw.

maximummummy · 05/05/2007 22:40

farnorth- i'd phone/write to manager and complain
this really is ridiculus there is no reason for her to cover up i think bikinis are horrible on children and refused to buy them for my dd she is 12 now and wears tankinis

rowan1971 · 05/05/2007 22:42

That book does look interesting, MrsApron. My mother tried to do something similar we me, and of course I undermined her at every turn by insisting on nice dresses and toy ironing boards. I think it can be difficult to work against the gender lines when they are so prevalent. Worth doing, though, of course. I have two boys (no daughters) and am enjoying the fact that DS1 loves to dress in pink!

Judy1234 · 05/05/2007 23:11

Our girls wore swim suits (when not on nudist beaches of course or on foreign beaches warm enough to wear nothing at that age when no one objects). I certainly would never buy a bikini for a child. So they would never have the bottom half of a bikini to wear but not because I'd consciously want the top of their body to be covered.

twobabies · 06/05/2007 09:50

Complain please, this is beyond ridiculous. We have just returned from Centre Parks and DD was the only one there not in full swimsuit/bikini shes not even 2 yet .

She looks so cute in her swim knickers why on earth would I want to put her in a bikini

franca70 · 06/05/2007 09:58

That's ridiculous.
I wore my first bikini only when a vague idea of breasts started to appear. And I was 12. and quite embarrassed.

Muminfife · 06/05/2007 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jonut · 07/05/2007 01:00

Reading some of these posts it seems as though some people believe that being girly and acting like a girl is wrong. Why is this? I'm very feminine and so is Dd1 and I love it. I love to see her in pretty dresses yet I never stop her doing anything in case she gets dirty. On the other hand I don't agree with heels and tarty clothes for children at all - I find them repulsive. My daughter is a 5yr old little girl and I dress her like a 5yr old little girl. I think we should be proud to women and be able to be feminine.

Lovecat · 07/05/2007 09:13

I don't think it's girliness, per se, Jonut, just that quite often girliness is used as an excuse for stopping little girls from doing anything that isn't considered 'nice' or 'ladylike', such as climbing trees, rolling about in the mud etc.

My dd is totally girly (don't know where she got that from!) but I have never stopped her love of a big frock from letting her do whatever she wants. However, there are times when a dress is restricting and so I do put her in jeans if we're going to softplay/tumbletots etc.

I think that the OP's swimming pool people are a bunch of dirty-minded gets, quite frankly. If they think there's something inappropriate about a tiny child's chest, they need to examine themselves rather than tell the child to cover up. Esp. if the boys don't have to! As for the (infintesimal) risk of a paedo getting his/her rocks off over it, they can do that anywhere, why the hell should you have to cover up your child just in case?

This has horrible echoes of the 'In the News' thread about the bombing of 'slags' - that what you wear somehow defines your sexual availability. With women, it's insulting. With children - wtf??? It's enough to make you weep. Sad world we live in.

heifer · 07/05/2007 09:28

I used to wear by brothers swimming trunks when I was younger....

Quite often asked if I was a boy, which was funny as I always had very long hair..

Have to admit that DD has swimming costumes, but don't think I would have a problem with her in just bottoms.

slayerette · 07/05/2007 09:51

I agree that at 3 there is NO need for a little girl to wear a top. However, I do feel sorry for the attendant here! He's probably just doing as he's bben instructed - I doubt very much that it's his policy as opposed to the pool's - but some people seem to be implying that he's some kind of paedophile. Isn't that a little harsh?

mamazon · 07/05/2007 10:17

its sad that he was probably just worried about who would be watching.

i find it quite depressing that childhood is constantly being looked at as sexually explicit simply because of the actions of a few very sick adults.

OrmIrian · 07/05/2007 10:28

No you are not. Attendant needs to get a grip. What exactly is a bikini on a toddler supposed to be hiding?

vimfuego · 07/05/2007 10:55

The attendants at my pool seem quite happy to ignore all policies on any subject. A blue whale could swim past and I doubt it would cause a break in the youth club meetings they appear to be having by the side of the pool.

makkapakka · 07/05/2007 11:12

my dd (nearly 50 always wears swim pants, wouldn't think of covering her up top till older

Lovecat · 07/05/2007 13:26

LMAO at the image of makkapakka's 50 yr old dd swimming topless

Please say that was a typo!

Lovecat · 07/05/2007 13:27

How old would she need to be to cover up, mp? 70? 80?

motherinferior · 07/05/2007 13:28

at word 'feminine'

Rantum · 07/05/2007 13:33

I remember swimming in a secluded lake with my Mum and younger sister when I was about 7.

Sis and I just had bottoms on and this
lady in a rowboat actually pulled up to tell my mother that it was "indecent" to let us swim that way. My Mum told her to mind her own business and that her daughters were not going to be made to be ashamed of their bodies when they were mere children, but she was really upset about it at the time and I remember it to this day because it really shocked me that someone had thought we were "indecent".