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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So sad

43 replies

lakia10 · 07/03/2018 15:53

Okay i know that women settle down have thier family and grow old gracefully welcome grandchildren go thru menopause and settle into life but I can't and I'm so depressed.
I was with someone for 30 years had one son was trying for another and found out I had premature ovarian failure at 36 really devastated and have never accepted properly.
Now 47 and still want another child and can't look at anything to do with pregnancy babies etc feel insanely jealous of younger women who can still child bear.
Me and partner drifted apart and I met somebody else who I gave been with 3 years.
This new partner had wanted a child with me and I avoided telling him why I hadn't fell pregnant because I felt like a poor excuse for a woman like I wasn't feminine and was old and washed up.
I told him eventually and he is fine but god how I would love a baby with him which is insane because I'm too old even if I hadn't of had past history of pof.
I feel as though my relationship is doomed because of this longing and feel like ending it. What the hell is wrong with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 15:55

Even posting here I feel like crying

OP posts:
Theresasmayshoes11 · 07/03/2018 15:58

Is your son local?

I am so sorry op we can’t help our feelings can we Flowers sounds like you have a good guy as a partner?

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:00

I have good relationship with son.
My partner is very caring and loving towards me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:01

He doesn't know about my feelings though.
It doesn't help that he has 4 kids from previous marriage

OP posts:
frasier · 07/03/2018 16:04

Have you seen a doctor? About your fertility issues I mean?

Marylou2 · 07/03/2018 16:04

I’m sad for you OP. I’m not sure AIBU is the best place for your post. Some people can be harsh and I guess you don’t need that right now. Have you spoken to your GP recently? Perhaps some counselling might help. I know it’s hard to get on the NHS at the moment but it might be money well spent to arrange a few sessions privately.

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:05

I have tried counselling no good for me

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:08

Oh OP, I'm not really sure what I can say, but could perhaps your partner come along to a counselling session where he can just sit and listen to your feelings?

Could you possibly/would you be open to looking down an alternative route?

Sorry I'm not much help but couldn't ignore this post x

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:09

Counsellor said that she isn't talking to 47 year old myself but that I am still that 36 year old.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:09

Silly me,just realised you had tried counselling but no longer

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:09

I don't know men don't get it do they

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:10

Would you be willing to let him come along to a GP appointment ?

I'm sorry I'm not clued up at all, just trying to think of other routes for you

SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:11

I suppose you don't know, do you think you could talk to him? Maybe a real heart to heart. It's not fair on yourself for keeping all of these feelings locked away inside you.

You might be surprised and he does get it?

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:11

How I wish wish I could have a child with my guy.
I have thought about walking away from the relationship because of my hurt and the despair I feel when I see him with his kids.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:13

Please don't be so hard on yourself OP. If you could sit down and lay this all out, he may surprise you and be willing to look down alternative routes. I can feel your pain just reading this.
I'll be honest, I have no idea, not a clue. But if you'd be willing to walk away then surely giving him the chance to talk to him about this is worth it?

Whatshallidonowpeople · 07/03/2018 16:15

Have you considered adoption?

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:15

With previous relationship I was better about things that partner wasnt bothered about another child.

OP posts:
Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:17

My life is fucked in every direction. I am not even financially stable enough to adopt and I want again to experience pregnancy carrying a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:18

I think that ultimately this will finish me

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SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 16:20

Either way OP, it'd be wise speaking to someone about how you feel. You can't struggle with these feelings alone Flowers

If you could try and speak to your partner, if not an appointment with your GP, get you on track first.

I can't imagine the feelings you have :(

RafikiIsTheBest · 07/03/2018 16:20

What about donor eggs and that side of things? Is that a possibility? No idea of expensive though. Sorry you're going through this OP.

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:22

I went to fertility clinic at that time they where useless and I even saw a endocrinologist because I had thyroid issues she simply said your going thru early menopause and your chances of conceiving are very slim.
She was so harsh abt it and I cried whilst in there and she showed no emotion towards me.
It has stayed with me.

OP posts:
Pandoraphile · 07/03/2018 16:24

Egg donation? Surrogate?

Pandoraphile · 07/03/2018 16:27

Sorry, I know I'm over simplifying the issue but those were the things that sprung to mind. You'd be physically capable of carrying a baby, wouldn't you?

Ps. One of my good friends had a baby at 48 after several miscarriages and there's absolutely no difference between her and younger mums.

Original poster
lakia10 · 07/03/2018 16:28

I don't know how to afford

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