So sad

[lakia10]

Okay i know that women settle down have thier family and grow old gracefully welcome grandchildren go thru menopause and settle into life but I can't and I'm so depressed.
I was with someone for 30 years had one son was trying for another and found out I had premature ovarian failure at 36 really devastated and have never accepted properly.
Now 47 and still want another child and can't look at anything to do with pregnancy babies etc feel insanely jealous of younger women who can still child bear.
Me and partner drifted apart and I met somebody else who I gave been with 3 years.
This new partner had wanted a child with me and I avoided telling him why I hadn't fell pregnant because I felt like a poor excuse for a woman like I wasn't feminine and was old and washed up.
I told him eventually and he is fine but god how I would love a baby with him which is insane because I'm too old even if I hadn't of had past history of pof.
I feel as though my relationship is doomed because of this longing and feel like ending it. What the hell is wrong with me.

Is it about having your own baby, or would there be any mileage in looking into fostering, adoption or working with children in some capacity?

I can imagine really missing the small baby stage, for some people it's a thirst that you can't conquer so it's good to try and find healthy outlets for it.

but if you feel so low you feel like ending it, you do absolutely also need to go back to your GP and tell them how you're feeling, maybe you got a bad match with a counsellor and need to go again, or consider anti-depressants and other treatment options.

OP, think of the sort of life you'd give that child if you had one now. You're saying you're not in a financial position to adopt, so you won't be in a position to have a baby with all the expense it brings either. By the time he/she turns 18, you'll be 65. Will you be able to look after them still? Or will they be having to look after you?

Appreciate and celebrate the son and pregnancy you did have. Other women never get to experience that joy at all.

I think first things first OP you need to look after yourself, to talk about your feelings and your feelings from the past,as you have mentioned in your last post.
If you are struggling mentally then that should be first port of call x

I just want one with my current partner

I am on antidepressants

You have a son and your partner has four children. I could understand if either of you had never had children but sometimes you don't get what you want. I know you said that you have tried counselling but I really think you need help to move on and enjoy what you've got as you sound like you are wishing it away.

you still need to go back lakia, you've set yourself up mentally in a no-win situation where you believe you've thought and dismissed all the options, you do sound absolutely in need of more help from the mental health team in your area until you can dig your way out of this pit of despair.

It sounds like you might still be stuck in the grief of your pof diagnosis op.

Maybe this isn't so much about the desperation of wanting a baby now but more about the unfairness of not being able to have another one when you wanted to. Perhaps you are punishing yourself severely because of this when actually is there any need to?

What happened was sad, and unfair and horrible and not how you thought things would work out but it is what it is. It is how it is. Only when you forgive your body and allow yourself to come to terms with this will you remember how it is to be happy.

You say you aren't financially stable enough to adopt so the same situation would apply to actually having a child too, surely. Are you expecting the state or rather the tax payer to step in just because you want another child?
I'm sorry, unless this bloke's former partner(s) died, he can't be that great as he's had a failed relationship(s) after having 4 kids. That's my opinion anyway. There's always fostering or treating your new partner's kids like your own. Too much 'I WANT' in society nowadays and not enough TOO BAD!.

I think you need to go back to counselling. You won't be able to have another child unless you adopt or have an egg donor or possibly a surrogate. You have a lovely son and he's got FOUR. We don't always get what we want and it's affecting an otherwise good relationship, that's too good to throw away over something that won't happen.

It's the large amounts of money all at once that would be the problem.
Also queen I do not expect the taxpayer to pay and I would be grateful if u didn't say such stuff.

Of course the op is in no state to foster or adopt! She’s traumatised herself so can’t deal with already traumatised children.

Op you are closing down all suggestions and you are thinking of ending it all when you have a loving partner and son?

You sound do depressed. You need to make a doctors appointment ASAP

And you know you need to want to let this go with help. If you don’t you could really ruin your whole life.

People on here have lost children, partners all sorts of awful things and I am in no way minimising your real pain but false routes of egg divination or adoption are stopping you facing the reality.

You could move past this but you have to want to and to accept help.

Sorry meant

I feel for you OP, its horrible when your body decides its done having children before you are ready. I'm in the same boat and I'm now 37 and having to accept this. The last few years have been very hard to be around babies and I feel angry the choice has been taken from me due to health issues.

I will however gently suggest that most women wouldn't be able to conceive with a new partner at 47? I'm sure there will be posters coming to contradict me and it probably has happened rarely. However in reality, most couples meeting at this stage of their lives wouldn't be starting a new family together. I think you need to concentrate on the son you have and getting to know the children of your partner. This longing you have could alienate you from all the good things you have. I don't know how old your son is but you could be welcoming grandchildren in the future which is a positive and would give you a baby to love. Please seek professional help for this

I get your point white it's ridiculous to feel like this but I can't help it I want my child bearing years back.
My son is 17 and is a lovely confident boy who is doing really well.

I find it difficult that his ex has had the joy of kids with him and it will never be for me