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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss out on her first time...

83 replies

Babababababybel14 · 07/03/2018 07:47

Because I don't want to wear a swimsuit in public.
My daughter bathes with me. She is only 6 months but she absolutely loves water. DH wants to take her swimming for the first time today. But I hate my body. I really want to go in with her but the thought of wearing s swimsuit is making me anxious. What should I do?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 07/03/2018 08:23

I absolutely promise you that nobody will give a shit. But there's nothing wrong with your husband doing it while you watch from the spectator gallery. Nothing wrong except that you could be missing out on something lovely for YOU for no good reason.

Idontdowindows · 07/03/2018 08:26

I wear swimshorts and a swimshirt because it's more comfortable than a bathing suit or bikini. You can get them in swimsuit material nowadays as well. I think my set cost about 30 quid in total and I love 'em.

Quartz2208 · 07/03/2018 08:28

In the nicest possible way no one else will care at all. Everyone will be focused on themselves and their own children and their own body image

MiddleAgedMe · 07/03/2018 08:29

I'm the same, I don't even own a swimming costume. DH takes DC swimming and I go along and watch from the side with a brew...I'm there with towels, chips and drinks when they've tired themselves out :)

Happyland8 · 07/03/2018 08:30

Can I just say, I go swimming a fair amount and have never stopped and looked at anyone's body shape. You'll have your beautiful baby with you. It'll be all eyes on her, I promise you Smile however, if you feel you can't do it, please don't beat yourself up over it. As a PP said, it'll be a chance for your husband to take the lead on something which will be nice for him. In all honesty though, no one will be looking at your figure, they'll be looking at your baby Smile

Kidssendingmenuts · 07/03/2018 08:32

Just go! Once your in the pool no one can see you and tbh no one will be looking anyway.
If people want to stare and my unshaved legs and out of control lady garden let them 😂😂

Original poster
Babababababybel14 · 07/03/2018 08:32

It would be nice for dh to do it himself. He has 3 children already and this is his first girl. But this is my only child and i really don't want to miss it.
Most people usually get anxious because they are overweight but it's the opposite for me. I've always been stick thin and have always had people commenting on it and taking the piss. And now I'm stick thin with a big belly and stretchmarks

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 07/03/2018 08:32

As son as she starts squealing with delight you will forget all about your body.

Go and enjoy it as a family!

nannybeach · 07/03/2018 08:57

Go and ignore eeryone, no-on will be looking at you, especially once you are in the water, not much to see. interesting thread, because I had the same problem years ago, worked in a Hospital communial changing rooms, a huge amount of people felt compelled to say how thin I was, YET as you say, no-one would dare say to someone how fat they are.Under a one piece no-one will see your stretch marks, if you are worried about your belly, you can get a swimsuit (I am pretty sure M & S do one) with a control panel, o just go, and dont even worry about the belly. I have had a lot of abdo surgery, gave me a big belly and of course lots of scars, I used to be really self-conscious, when I was young, had yet any op last year, now I dont care.

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 09:02

I didn't go swimming with any of my kids when they were tiny, I looked awful. It doesn't matter if no one else would have given a damn, I cared! My DH would have seen me for a start ,and that's would not have been good.

It's just a good incentive to go back in shape, then wear swimshorts and tankini top when you are mid way before going back to bikinis.
I just took photos of my DH and the kids, so no wasted time for anyone, just had to be subtle about it!

coffeeforone · 07/03/2018 09:06

I’ve had ‘a belly and stretch marks’ since I was a teen. A swimsuit will cover it up if you feel conscious. I never wore a bikini for this reason.

I would never miss out on swimming though. Like everyone else has said, I promise nobody actually cares what others look like in the pool. Nobody will look at you or notice you.

It’s slightly different but we took my MIL swimming at centreparcs last summer. For cultural reasons she had NEVER been swimming in her entire life, not sure if you’ve been to beaches where people go the sea fully clothed but she does that. You can imagine how anxious/conscious she was about going swimming in the UK to a pool where only swimwear was allowed, when she usually only wears very modest full length clothes. I gave her a modest black swimsuit and she wore a loose vest top on top to cover her bust. She absolutely loved it and went twice a day the whole 4 days we were there. I think if she could manage to to then you should be able to pluck up the courage!

heron98 · 07/03/2018 09:12

No one will give a shit what you look like - genuinely. You need not to be so self-conscious. In the nicest way - nobody cares about you!

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 09:16

it's all very good to say "go for it" but when a woman is not feeling confident , finding herself in a swimsuit next to a toned and gorgeous new mum is going to make her feel like a pile of crap. Nothing wrong with caring about what you look like. You have years to take the kids swimming

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 07/03/2018 09:25

  1. your body is a magnificence, the house you grew up in, a ship that carried your daughter, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you are an amazing creation.

  2. repeat that to yourself as you walk to the water, remembering that everyone else is busy inside their own head and that once you're in the water you'll be having so much fun with your daughter you won't mind for a moment what you look like while doing it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/03/2018 09:27

I didn't go swimming with any of my kids when they were tiny, I looked awful. It doesn't matter if no one else would have given a damn, I cared! My DH would have seen me for a start ,and that's would not have been good

Bloody hell. Are you serious?

I’m fat, I’d far rather be fat than live in your head.

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 07/03/2018 09:27

@CavoliRiscaldati I actually think it's quite sad that you felt anxious about your husband seeing you in swimwear Sad

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 09:32

Why? I didn't give up on being "me" because I had children, I just had to take the time I needed to go back in shape. I want to stay attractive for my husband, and I found my flabby belly disgusting to look at. Some women go back in shape immediately, I didn't, I looked like a beached whale, so I needed time.

I don't accept that your body changes permanently after pregnancies if you don't want to.

metalmum15 · 07/03/2018 09:38

Cavoli but surely your husband must have seen you naked or in underwear after having children? Or did you get dressed in the dark?

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 09:44

I kept strategically placed items of clothing to preserve both our sanities after I had babies Grin It doesn't have to take years to get back in some short of shape either.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/03/2018 09:47

baba just go with your DH & wee girl. I seriously doubt anyone will say anything when you’re with them. Focus on her wee face & what she thinks of this E N O R M O U S bathtub with loads of people in it. She might be scared, she might be puzzled or she might just giggle loads, but it’s great seeing their reaction the first time.

People are judgemental pricks, but they’re irrelevant in your life, your DH & DD are important, as is your enjoyment of doing stuff with them. Don’t let the twats get to you.

Then buy whatever swim wear gives you the most confidence for next time, if you don’t feel ok today.

Go. Enjoy!

Rockandrollwithit · 07/03/2018 09:48

My MIL is a larger lady and she is extremely self conscious.

DH remembers lots of things she wouldn't do with him and his sublings as a child. She didn't go swimming, wouldn't visit the beach as she became too hot in full sleeves, never played in the park with them as she was too self conscious to run etc. We only have one photo of her from our wedding as she refused to be in any more. We have two DSs now and she won't get down on the floor and play with them as she feels she is too big.

Don't let things get this bad OP.

flumpybear · 07/03/2018 09:48

It a flattering swimming costume with tummy control if you're worried about it - six months post birth is always going to be a time when you're feeling different in your body, embrace it, and add control from the clothing manufacturers of the world

Asda, next, M&S all do tummy control costumes and I'm sure most other places do too

Enjoy your baby

howabout · 07/03/2018 09:49

I have 3 DDs, including 2 teenagers. One of the best things about this is that they make me feel so old and past it I never think about what I look like in a swimsuit anymore.

No-one will be looking at you because they will be too busy admiring how cute your DD looks with her Mummy and Daddy. That said, if you don't like swimming then YANBU but my DDs got more out of swimming when they had one adult to look after them and a second adult who could actually show them swimming.

blastomama · 07/03/2018 09:50

Bloody hell. Are you serious? I'mfat, I’d far rather be fat than live in your head

What a lovely thing to say to someone with clear issues. I don't think any of us would like to live in your head.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 07/03/2018 09:51

Could you get a burkini? Maybe not wear the hat bit? You can get ones that are non clingy and really cover you. Nigella Lawson wore one so they are worn by quite a few women outside Islam for various reasons.