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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can I be fired for this?

75 replies

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 06/03/2018 16:24

Picture the scene:

A small office. Close knit working relationships. A previously harmonious balance.

January comes, and a new presence enters the office. Although he's only 6 inches tall, you can tell immediately that your boss is smitten. You're surprised he took the plunge, but here you are.

It's Colin the Cactus.

You start to suspect that your boss likes Colin more than you. He directs comments at Colin. He waters him, moves him to the windowsill to get more light. You're asked to turn off your fan heater in case it's affecting the ambience of the office and stunting Colin's growth.

Then it happens. Your boss is in a meeting. You only went to his desk to pick up a file you need. You must have brushed against the pot. It goes flying. It crashes to the ground.

And now you have to make a choice. You can't just go back to the way things were. Because however much you pretend otherwise, you still know. You've seen things. You're not the woman you were.

However hard you try, you can't ignore the fact that for two months... your boss has been lovingly tending a plastic cactus.

AIBU to resign and flee in the night rather than break a grown man's heart?

Help me, MN. You're my only hope.

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 16:25

You need to get to the plastic cactus shop ASAP...

Trinity66 · 06/03/2018 16:26
Grin
DalekDalekDalek · 06/03/2018 16:29

The only reasonable thing to do would be to by the poor man a new cactus. It was obviously love and he will grieve badly.

And obviously Colin needs a full funeral.

You, OP, are a monster! Grin

Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 16:42

Buy a slightly bigger one and convince him all the tlc he gave it made it grow!!

BalloonSlayer · 06/03/2018 16:55

What's been happening to all the water then if it's plastic? Grin

MichaelBendfaster · 06/03/2018 16:55

Just do the children'sgoldfish thing except it's weirder and funnier that it's an adult and a plastic plant –buy a new one the same and hope for the best. Grin

ineedamoreadultieradult · 06/03/2018 16:57

I hope Colin's incident has been recorded in the accident book and an appropriate risk analysis carried out should any other Cacti (plastic or otherwise) visit your workplace.

LanaorAna2 · 06/03/2018 16:57
Grin

Tell your boss Colin LTB.

ididntmeanitlikethat · 06/03/2018 16:59

I'm gathering that boss doesn't realise his cactus is plastic due to his investment in it's care! Don't break it to him...you know too much and breaking his heart would be a sackable offense surely!!

Wait OP...how badly damaged is the cactus?

Could you not do a Blue Peter job with sticky back plastic and hope boss doesn't notice Grin

Mrsdraper1 · 06/03/2018 16:59

Let's hope your boss doesn't ring 101 to log it

MrsXx4 · 06/03/2018 16:59

Please can we see a photo of Colin! I think I also love him a bit!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/03/2018 16:59

Does it look real? Confused. How could he not tell the difference?

flumpybear · 06/03/2018 17:00

But him another one --- with a flower on it ... he'll have a fit Wink and won't even notice Colin is counterfeit!

Morphene · 06/03/2018 17:01

I'm assuming the cactus itself is undamaged...its the new knowledge of it plasticity that is the cause of the trouble...

As for the missing water, that'll be evaporation that will!

TheJoyOfSox · 06/03/2018 17:04

Cactus should not be watered with tap water! Gather rain water for your live cactus please.

Longdistance · 06/03/2018 17:10

Colin sounds like a right prick!

Tara336 · 06/03/2018 17:11

I was put in charge of my directors beloved pot plant while he went on holiday. It’s leaves started to fall off, so I sellotaped them back on I got away with it for a week or so until they went brown and he noticed the tape. Come clean OP it’s the only way to save your job 🙂

Firesuit · 06/03/2018 17:19

I can see how a fake cactus could be quite convincing.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 06/03/2018 17:23

www.matalan.co.uk/product/detail/s2672638_c000/cactus-in-pot-45cm-green

is it one of these? :)

mypoosmellsofroses · 06/03/2018 17:27

I killed (accidentally) my bosses wifes bonsai tree when tasked with holiday care for it for 2 weeks, she was not happy, he seemed strangely relieved that it was no more! Maybe your bosses wife will be similarly pleased to have her spouse back in the land of normal?

LeighaJ · 06/03/2018 17:28

Aww poor Colin, he probably dreamed of being a real cactus.

PumpPumpItUp · 06/03/2018 17:30

Well I'm assuming the doesn't give loads of water to Colin as he's plastic so what's given could simply evaporate in to the peat or whatever he is planted in.

Personally I'd tell everyone because I'm a bastard.

EggysMom · 06/03/2018 17:32

Maybe your boss knocked Colin the cactus off the windowsill a couple of weeks ago, but didn't want to let on, so he bought the plastic replacement? Think, have you seen him water it recently?

DalekDalekDalek · 06/03/2018 17:36

Colin sounds like a right prick!

Grin
TheEmmaDilemma · 06/03/2018 17:43

This is brilliant.

I think it's best to have a quiet word.