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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that secondary school parents' evenings are a bit ...

35 replies

Butchmanda · 06/03/2018 16:11

.... I dunno - bizarre? pointless? stressful?

Off to the second one I've ever been to - Year 8. Lovely school but just not enough space to hold this kind of speed-dating affair. We're all crammed in, virtually on top of one another, which means you can hear all the other conversations going on around you (I deliberately block it out, but not sure everyone is as discreet).

It's lovely to meet the teachers, put a face to a name etc but, apart from that, I find it not particularly useful. If there was anything difficult to talk about (and, actually, I would quite like a private conversation with some of them, as my son has ASD, and it would be useful), that wouldn't be the place - limited time, too many people, and in front of your own child. I still don't get that last bit - it seems to be the done thing these days - can't remember what it was like in my secondary school days. I know for a fact I didn't have to go as well.

We haven't booked appointments with all the teachers - just the ones teaching core subjects and / or things my son is likely to want to carry on with for GCSE. But DS says some of his friends have booked appointments with everyone.

Above all I feel sorry for the teachers - it must be so stressful.

What are other people's experiences?

This isn't at all a moan and I really respect the teachers (and I wouldn't be in their shoes). Not sure what the alternatives would be?

OP posts:
Batmanwearspants · 06/03/2018 16:12

Why would you not want feedback on how your child is doing in individual subjects?

I would think they were MORE useful than primary school parents evenings considering secondary school teachers have far less contact with parents than at primary.

Foslady · 06/03/2018 16:14

Dd is in year 10. I’ve managed to get some of the extra appointments issued in order to see all her examination subject teachers, if there’s a problem I want to know now so e can work together to help dd

Foslady · 06/03/2018 16:16

And when dd was in lower years it helped to find areas to work on- improved her grades and changed her mind on one or two further study subjects

sonjadog · 06/03/2018 16:17

As a secondary school teacher, I am very happy when parents meet up. The vast majority of times there is nothing special to report, but it is good to have the opportunity to have a conversation should there be anything, and also it is good to know who the parents are. It makes contact easier should the need arise at a later date.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 06/03/2018 16:18

You reckon teachers enjoy them? Grin

stikessecretlover99 · 06/03/2018 16:20

Ours sounds similar, and it is actually a struggle to get appointments for even core subjects. 8 form entry so manic!
teachers tend to email if there are issues , so I'm never that worried if one of us can't go or no appointments free as I know school will be in touch if they have concerns.

I think I preferred it in my day when pupils had to stay at home !

MaryBread · 06/03/2018 16:22

I agree. Pointless. Many times the teachers have just talked to DD with a nod and hello to me.
I plan to attend very few in the future.

Original poster
Butchmanda · 06/03/2018 16:23

Foxy: did you not read my post? I said I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, meaning I'm sure it's a trial for them.

I think if it weren't just so packed and chaotic I might find it more productive. A quiet chat with some of them without my DS there would be useful but I know it doesn't work like that.

Still, in some ways, looking forward to meeting them as its a good school and I'm impressed by what they do.

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 06/03/2018 16:25

I'm a secondary teacher and I actually quite enjoy them especially as SLT bring round a tea trolley 😆 It's so interesting being able to meet pupils' parents - some genuine surprises and some totally as expected!

I find a few short easy to digest points are best and always have work to show them as 'evidence'

AmIAWeed · 06/03/2018 16:40

I find parents evening a smidge pointless. My son's year 8 they told me how wonderful he was, a delight to teach. I was genuinely confused, I turned I pointed at my son and said 'him, that's my son, are you sure?' yes, yes they all said hes great so enthusiastic, wish we had more kids like him.....very next day is on report for ongoing bad behaviour WTF?!

Then there's my daughter who is the typical 'model student' all told me shes great, no concern no issues....I pushed and pushed for areas she can concentrate on, weakness etc and all said shes average, there's no issue. One teacher told me the class average score on tests and when pushed had NO IDEA what my daughter actually got and didn't even bother to bring the results with her to look up.

I sit with both of mine after school now whilst they do their homework as its the only way to see what they are doing well in or struggling with.

Original poster
Butchmanda · 06/03/2018 17:27

2 appointments done, 5 to go. Actually having fun!

OP posts:
AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 06/03/2018 17:58

They are a bit like the Hunger Games with Kevin and Perry.

littlemissrain · 06/03/2018 18:04

If it's too crowded, then I don't think YABU.

My dd's school had a particularly large entry in her year, so they split it into 2 parents' evenings on different nights which made the whole experience a lot less stressful

(But, I know, I know, more work for the teachers...)

OpalTree · 06/03/2018 18:15

It's so interesting being able to meet pupils' parents - some genuine surprises and some totally as expected!
That's intriguing. What sort of surprises? I'm thinking like Saffie and Edina from Ab Fab. Grin

Original poster
Butchmanda · 06/03/2018 18:36

All done. Off for beer and pizza now. ...

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 06/03/2018 18:55

You reckon teachers enjoy them?

I quite like parents' evenings too! I agree it's interesting to meet pupils' parents and keeping to the 10 minute appointments while also trying to make sure you line up the parents you need next before they get swallowed up by the queue for the English department is about as much of an adrenaline rush as I get these days.

Original poster
Butchmanda · 06/03/2018 19:51

Dahlietta - that's exactly what it was like!

Some locations were so noisy we had to almost shout. Others were freezing cold and teachers visibly shivering. Parents practically climbing over each other. At least that's it for another year.

OP posts:
minionsrule · 06/03/2018 19:58

Our school is strange, year 8 as well but you get appointment times (btw i ly see teachers i want to, not all of them) but the times are a bit irrelevant as you just find the teacher and wait in the inevitable queue Confused.
Pmsl at Hunger Games with Kevin and Perry Grin

ClemHFandango · 06/03/2018 19:59

I definitely prefer doing parents evenings to writing reports. They’re only 5 times a year, we get served dinner (albeit at 4pm!) and I’m usually home and in my jammies by 8pm. We have them spread out around the school, though, so we’re not all squished in the hall.

I’m very efficient, but there’s nothing worse than getting to the second half of your list of appointments to find they’re all running 10-15 minutes behind. (That must be very frustrating for parents too.)

GreenSeededGrape · 06/03/2018 20:00

My high school (in Aus) had 12 forms per year up to year 12. I'm not sure how it was done as students generally didn't go or if your dm made you to show her where the rooms were you stayed outside.

Tbh I struggle with one meeting once a term with primary school. I'm going to hate high school!

OpalTree · 06/03/2018 20:27

Do you mean because Clem said they were 5 times a year? I think that's because she's a teacher. We only have 1 PE a year at our state high school

OpalTree · 06/03/2018 20:28

Sorry if I've misunderstood your post!

MaisyPops · 06/03/2018 20:32

I always find they can be a logistical nightmare if you have more than one class in a year.

But I actually like parents' evenings. It's easy dsy to day to end up spending more time on children who take up.more time (some for good reson eg SEND, Others not good reasons e.g. timmy doesn't do homeowrk). Meeting with parents is always a nice opportunity to tell parents how wonderful their children are.

My last one I spent 3-4 hours telling parents how much I love teaching their child.

GreenSeededGrape · 06/03/2018 20:38

Is your question to me @Opal? If so I meant because in Aus it was at least twice a year seeing all the teachers so I did assume it was the same here!

Once a year I can handle Smile

OpalTree · 06/03/2018 20:44

Yes once a year Green. Smile

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