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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cannot escape poverty, what's the cheapest place in the world for me to move to?

367 replies

despair1234 · 06/03/2018 15:36

I can't cope and getting depressed again. I can't earn enough money. Had a real go with lots of tries at being freelance, because my health problems make it extremely hard to keep a normal job. Time off for hospital appointments etc.

I'm on my own in the UK and just done. I have a partner is another country but don't have a visa.

Need to move somewhere it's really cheap to have housing and food, I can't cope here anymore. Everyday is a massive struggle worrying how to pay the bills once my savings totally run out. No money is coming in. Not entitled to any benefits apart from Jobseeker's Allowance maybe which I don't bother with because I can't stand the effect it has on my mental health.

I just can't cope. It's too expensive just being alive. I have no family I can go to stay with, there is literally nowhere to go to relax.

It's like being in a nightmare except I never wake up. Constant, constant stress of money I can never overcome. Yeah I can borrow money but have no way of paying it back if I can't earn.

Where can I go??? Where can I find somewhere to rest???? I need to calm down and can't calm down, I'm having nightmares when I'm asleep, I'm not depressed but the impossible financial reality is making me depressed...because... where can it go from here?

It will never get better? Just breathing and eating and sleeping somewhere safe costs too much money? Let alone upkeep of clothes for interviews, reliable computer to try to find jobs, even small fees for retraining???

I just want to go away and escape, I need to escape.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 06/03/2018 17:33

Quote your rudeness? OK, here goes...

Does that make you feel better or something? Maybe more secure, because you're so smart this could never happen to you?

I'm probably fairly stupid but not that fucking stupid.

Ok you win. I'm upset now. Thanks for your suggestion that my DP basiclly doesn't give a shit about me or I'd be over there recuperating. It's not that fucking simple, and I don't want to give up on earning my own money as opposed to going there where I'm not allowed work. I have tried to explain this several times.

Tournesolet you just can't help one last dig eh?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Fruitcocktail6 · 06/03/2018 17:34

Wow this thread is rather dramatic

harshbuttrue1980 · 06/03/2018 17:34

Out of choice, you haven't claimed Jobseekers Allowance, so you clearly don't need the money that badly. No one can help you if you don't help yourself.

Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:34

Thank you for all the suggestions, like I say I'm making a list.

And to people who are in similar difficulties, fucking hell it is hard. I hope you're coping somehow. It is so overwhelming at times.

OP posts:
user6542458953 · 06/03/2018 17:34

Wow!
You are extremely aggressive!
Could this be why you are struggling to work? Not sure I know anyone who would hire someone with your attitude.
As hard as life can be for us all we do need to try account for some of our own happiness, if money really is such a cause of feeling depressed for you then aggressively dismissing PPs suggestions of trying to claim some form of benefits Is absurd.
It sounds like you just want someone to wave a magic wand and make everything better for you.

Knittedfairies · 06/03/2018 17:36

I can’t see where the OP is particularly rude either; just frustrated and sick to the back teeth of not having any money, or the prospect of changing that much.

TournesoletLavande · 06/03/2018 17:36

Lavande you kept going on, and on,about my withholding information AFTER I'd said visas were difficult and there were kids at school.

No, I really don't. If it appears that way then it's probably down to crossed posts more than anything else.

Anyway, as I said, good luck. I'm out.

Takeaweeseat · 06/03/2018 17:36

Fucking hellShock.

Who the fuck do the people who are on here giving the OP a hard time think they are? Picking apart her thread, does that make you feel good? Fucking shameful.

Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:37

Does that make you feel better or something? Maybe more secure, because you're so smart this could never happen to you?

I'm probably fairly stupid but not that fucking stupid.

-- In response to somebody asking if I'd ever even met my DP or if they were an 'internet partner'. I call that bloody rude.

Ok you win. I'm upset now. Thanks for your suggestion that my DP basiclly doesn't give a shit about me or I'd be over there recuperating. It's not that fucking simple, and I don't want to give up on earning my own money as opposed to going there where I'm not allowed work. I have tried to explain this several times.

-- in response to somebody saying if my DP was serious about me I'd be over recuperating there. When I had repeatedly tried to say its not that simple

Tournesolet you just can't help one last dig eh?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

-- In repsonse to somebody saying I should rethink my relationship.

OP posts:
KochabRising · 06/03/2018 17:37

@KochabRising that is really interesting re the chemical imbalance thing being refuted

I wouldn’t say refuted so much as people are realising it’s grossly simplistic. It may be the case for some, but i doubt its the primary or dominant mecachism.

Nanna50 · 06/03/2018 17:37

Lavande I thought you were out?

Missingstreetlife · 06/03/2018 17:38

If you are too ill for job seekers you should be able to get esa (previously incapacity/sickness benefit). Speak to your doctor about whether they will support your application and get a skilled advice worker to help you. Is there a support group/charity/organisation for your disability? You may be able to do a little work on top, and get housing benefit.

Buglife · 06/03/2018 17:38

You haven’t mentioned when asked whereabouts you live? You haven’t said if you live down South. Moving up north really would make a difference to rental costs if you do. In my old home town in Northumberland you can rent a room in a shared house for £75-£85 per week. Close to Newcastle where there will be jobs.

Nanna50 · 06/03/2018 17:38

Oh you are, again, cross post.

Creambun2 · 06/03/2018 17:38

If you don't want to listen to any advice and get rude when people have taken the time to reply then why post?

Takeaweeseat · 06/03/2018 17:39

You are extremely aggressive!
Could this be why you are struggling to work? Not sure I know anyone who would hire someone with your attitude

What are you doing? OP is at the end of her tether worrying about future income(lack of)...What is your post supposed to achieve? Have you no empathy? Or is it just total ignorance on your part? You're alright so have no clue what the OP is actually going through in real life???

Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:39

Funnily in the workplace nobody has ever hectored me about my relationship, or anything else, so I've never felt a need to defend myself.

I may have problems but arguments aren't really on the list.

OP posts:
Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:41

I have off the back of this thread decided I'm applying for ESA for a few weeks.

It's not forever. It's not giving up. Thank you for all the suggestions. ESA while I work out next step.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/03/2018 17:42

You are being really very aggressive OP. People are trying to help.

Anyway, did you have a look at the commune living link someone posted earlier? Looks an amazing frugal way of life.

Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:49

Where am I aggressive? Where?

Why is it 'rude' and 'aggressive' for me to say 'who the fuck do you think you are' in response to somebody else telling me to rethink my relationship??

How are they not being rude in this context? They're not saying that to be helpful. They're saying it to try to be a bit clever and a bit sarky.

Or is sarkiness ok but rude words not ok or something?

I don't get it, I really don't.

I think some of you are confusing aggression with not passively agreeing to somebody else's assessment of your own situation.

OP posts:
user6542458953 · 06/03/2018 17:56

Where am I aggressive? Where?

Pretty much every reply!

I really sympathise with you, but you are really coming across as so defensive and angry.

Hope you get the help you need.

Original poster
despair1234 · 06/03/2018 17:57

What words am I saying that are aggressive?

I am not being aggressive in pretty much every reply. That simply isn't true.

OP posts:
Stpancras · 06/03/2018 17:58

OP, you have been horribly treated on here. I don’t have any more advice than has been given, but I wish you well and hope your luck changes soon. 💐

Missingstreetlife · 06/03/2018 18:00

Sounds like esa is the right move. Just gp certificate is enough at first. Try to get help with the forms when needed or look at 'benefit and work guides'. Good luck.

MoralBeryl · 06/03/2018 18:01

I think some of you are confusing aggression with not passively agreeing to somebody else's assessment of your own situation.

It is very difficult to give advice on a very complicated situation over an anonymous Internet forum. Sometimes you just have to throw things out there and see if they resonate.

You could just say “no, that’s not accurate, the situation is this...”. Asking people who the fuck they think they are is aggressive.