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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be pissed off with this?

37 replies

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:01

So Sunday, myself, my dd (who's 11 months) and my dp were invited to a family meal on my dad's side.
So I don't get on with them very well. Mainly because they've out casted me my whole life cause I'm not into their boozy football culture. There's been unequal treatment as well between me and my brother (brother died in 2015) but they always gave him cards and money for birthdays etc. Nothing for me. An Infront of me. Which is fine. I have my mom's side who are wonderful. But you don't do that to a child. So they're awful people just for how they treated my mom. My dad is always in the right. My brother hung himself when he was 11, (i found him in time) an my mom was in the wrong for staying in a camped with him every night and my dad buggared off to ibiza the next day. My mom got so much stick for no reason. My grandparents took me in as my dad's girlfriend at the time refused to have me. She abused us and he let it happen. But you know, he's still a 'great dad' yeah.. Right.

So I really thought after db died, things were patched up and I've still made the effort to see them etc. I've tried. I got nothing out of it.
So surprise, I'm pregnant. Heavily pregnant and I found out late. An Sunday all they did was say how fat I was. Bear it in mind, they know I'm pregnant. They ignored me, dp and our dd all day unless they wanted to use dd as a photo prop. Else wise they didn't bother apart from one.
My cousins child is 7. An she bullied our dd and it hasn't been the first time, all be it dd doesn't realise thankfully. We bought toys for dd and she snatched them from her repeatedly and ripped them out her hands and mouth at one point. Referred to her as "it". Wanted her on her lap to drop her. (dp was quick to get her) all because she wasn't the center of attention. At Christmas dd had some presents and this kid took them from her as she was playing making dd cry. I had to do something so I took the toys off her and gave them back to dd.

So Facebook, they too photos of Sunday and cropped me out. My mom even commented about my disappearance. They like my dp so he was in them. An all the photos of my dd were up. Without permission to be used as a prop.
Then there's a comment. " was so good with her dd today" and underneath my cousin said "apart from when she kept calling her it." and then the previous commenter said "no she was wonderful with her. Future babysitter"

So I saw this today. An I'm fucking furious. I planned to cut them out anyway. But this has really pissed me off the fact they allowed her to act like this towards my dd and act all happy families. Not to mention the comments to me about being heavily pregnant.

Then my dad messaged me on the night telling me I'm unreasonable for not taking dd around to see them more!
Am I right to be pissed?

OP posts:
beckymad1x · 06/03/2018 15:04

Yup, I'd be pissed off!

Cut contact, it seems like they bring nothing to your life but stress!

Congratulations on the pregnancy! x

RandomMess · 06/03/2018 15:05

Yes, it's time to go No Contact and stick to it Sad

DeathStare · 06/03/2018 15:06

Why did you even go? You said they are always awful to you so the fact they would be this time too is hardly surprising.

Try not to blame the 7 year old though. She's only little and learns from the environment she's in.

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:09

Well, my dad sorta just booked us in and I felt rude. But I've been trying for years to even make amends with this family. I give up now. Seriously I really do. Just wanted to know if I'm in the wrong or not. Obviously the bullying is an issue. But if I cut the contact she won't have to deal with it.

OP posts:
SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:10

Fucking hell, they sound like a bunch of cunts. Go NC with the lot of them.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 15:11

Well now they have confirmed they are all twats you can block them all, go nc and move on. You tried, they failed.
Enjoy your dc and your dp stress free.

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:12

I remember being 7 and I'd have never dreamt of being jealous of a baby because she got more attention than me. Especially holding her just to try and drop her and take things from her. No one disciplines her or tells her it's bad. I get she's young. But at almost 8.. I knew what I was doing. I'd be ashamed to know my dd acted like that towards a family member.

OP posts:
SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:12

I've been trying for years to even make amends with this family.
Why? They sound horrible.

I give up now.
Good.
You, your DH and DD deserve better people than this in your lives.

Trinity66 · 06/03/2018 15:12

It would be the last "gathering" with them I'd be going to, that's for sure

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:14

Just after db died just cause it seemed like the right thing to do. At least I can say I tried bring as though I never "make the effort" according to my dad.
Me and him are barely ok. But dd deserves to know who he is. For some reason her face lights up when she sees him.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 06/03/2018 15:17

For some reason her face lights up when she sees him.
It's called the naivety of the very young. Don't worry, she'll learn.

SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:17

But dd deserves to know who he is.

No, your DD deserves better.

Idontdowindows · 06/03/2018 15:20

But dd deserves to know who he is.

He is a bad father and allowed you to be abused. Your daughter really doesn't need him in her life.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 15:23

Fred West carrying a bag of sweets would light up her face. You are her dm and you decide who benefits her. He bloody doesn't so make that responsible decision and keep her away.

DeathStare · 06/03/2018 15:23

But dd deserves to know who he is

But he's not nice. Why does she deserve to know somebody who isn't nice?

Remember that the 7 year old isn't you. She is growing up in a toxic, possibly emotionally abusive, environment. That's bound to shape the way she behaves

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:27

Well, he's really strange. One min he can be lovely and the next vicious they're never unsupervised and the moment he crosses that like with her, if he does at all, that's it. But he's okay to her. He's never bought her anything, I mean, it isn't about that (buys loads for the 7 year old to which she looks at it and throws it away cause she "didn't want that one") but he's okay with her and I'm renting the house from him so he does have to see her as he won't change his address.
Her granddad is my stepdad who took me on from birth. We don't need them. But I thought I'd give her the option.

OP posts:
Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:28

Sorry he won't change his address so he comes over to check the house and get his letters.

OP posts:
SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:31

So he's already treating them differently (the cousins) and you don't trust him to be alone with her. Speaks volumes.

What do you mean renting the house from him and he won't change his address?

SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:32

If it's his house then move.

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 15:32

Meaning he won't change his address to he new address where he's living. So we get all his letters.

OP posts:
sueelleker · 06/03/2018 15:35

Mark the letters 'not known here' and return them.

KC225 · 06/03/2018 15:35

My 10 year olds have never met my Father, don't even know his name or seen a photograph of him. And they have missed nothing. They had a wonderful relationship with their other granddad before he died and wonderful relationships with both grandmas. They will not miss something they have never had.

Why would you subject your children to such odious people. You gave it your best and last shot and they blew it. Stay away now. Stop going back for more if the same. They cropped you out of the photos, you crop them out of your life.

SashaGem · 06/03/2018 15:36

Is it his house?

BewareOfDragons · 06/03/2018 15:37

Why on earth did you even go see them?

You should have gone NC years ago by the sounds of it. Please do yourself and your DCs a favour and go NC. THey are toxic and vile.

TooManyPaws · 06/03/2018 15:38

Agree with all previous posters replying.

Find somewhere else to live ASAP. Cut the lot of them out of your lives; your DC have GP in your mother and stepfather. Your sperm donor won't bring anything positive into your DCs' lives.

And contact Facebook immediately to get the pictures of your DD taken down as they were posted without either of her parents' permission.

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