To think it's weird that SIL never gets my DC a birthday present?

[AjasLipstick]

SIl is in her 40s and has a child of her own. She lives with MIL who provides her with free accommodation and childcare. She works part time and has no expenses other than her and my nephew's clothing and food.

We always buy her son a present...he's 6 and my DC are 10 and 13. DD had her birthday tea yesterday to which MIL and FIL came along with SIL and her son and a few close friends.

Everyone brought DD a little present...nothing extravagant...just nice craft things etc. SIL, once again arrived empty handed...ate food and then went home.

We took her son a gift a few weeks ago for his birthday....why does she do this?

I'm not going to say anything or stop asking her....I'm genuinely curious. DD hasn't ever mentioned it either so I'm not bothered as such....just a bit because it's such an obvious flouting of "the norm' and tradition.

I think she probably sees herself as a unit with your PIL and, like almost everything else in her life, they provide the present for your DC.

Just to add...nothing for Christmas either, despite a fairly traditional Christmas day thing where we all exchange gifts. We buy her a gift too at Christmas.

Does she assume she is included in MIL and FIls gift, with living with them? Is it possible shes split the costs?

Panda I didn't think of that. It's possible I suppose. But she's in her 40s! She's never really left home though....apart from a small stint.

Nap no...MIL is very clear...she labels her gift and FIL gives them money...usually from his wallet on the day as he's not organised. MIL and FIL lead very independent lives from one another and actually have another property where one or the other is often at for months at a time. They're only married in name really.

It’s quite rude of her to turn up empty handed, birthday or no. I suppose it could be that she thinks of herself as being part of the same unit as pils, so the present is from all of them. Still, it’s quite infantile of her to think that tbh. Was her name on the card or anything?

On the face of it, maybe she is too babied by pils, but obviously don’t know as I don’t know her.

Your husband is going to have a big problem with inheritance, OP. She will see that house as hers and they may well do, too.

Why can't your husband ask her? "Hey, SIL, how come we give you presents but you don't give any back?" It's easy to be blunt with family, isn't it?

Daily no card and no, her name;s not on inlaw's cards.

Brilliant FIL has been very clear about property and has spoken to DH and shown him his will. MIL has been cared for in it but the bulk of his estate is to be spit 50-50 between SIL and DH.

I lived with my mum a bit when i lost my job.

I still bought my nephews seperate presents from my mum.

Yes it is weird / rude.

Stop buying for her children - if she questions it you can say well as you don't by for our DC we assumed we aren't doing DC gifts.

She sounds like a scrounger tbh

Are your DC your DH’s biological children? My SIL and BIL don’t buy for my DS, I presume as he is my DH’s stepson. I already find it very rude as we always buy for their DC. If they were biological relations I would be even more annoyed tbh.

Leave the present buying for DH’s family for DH.

Your MIL probably labels her gift clearly because she wants to make the point to SIL, but your SIL probably doesn’t notice or chooses not to.

Peachy yes, the children are both DH's. Cloisonne where did I say I did all the gift buying? DH often chooses things for our nephew or we do it together. We enjoy it...we won't stop. I don't see why my nephew should miss out.

I just wondered why....now I think it's as the first poster says...she's just used to never having to pay bills or take responsibility for herself and doesn't even think about it.

Not that this makes it any better.

She’s a sponger op.

peachy how horrible of them go your step son. I would tackle them on that.

I have a SIL like that but she does it because she thinks that she is above everyone else when really she is just a miserable tight fisted old devil

I was challenged on why I didn't buy for BIL (by MIL) and just said I thought that was the form as he hadn't bought for me, his DB or our DC. It's odd isn't it?

People are odd aren't they?, imagine having the cheek to ask someone that when he does the same thing to you

You say she works part time, so she will be getting part time wages. The fact she lives with the PILS is largely irrelvent. Perhaps she cant actually afford to buy presents.

I've never bought for neices and nephews either. It becomes a ridiculous merrygoround. And frankly its best put a stop to early on. So stop buying for your nephew, and Christmas too. I know some peoplel really buy into the whole gift buying/giving/wrapping business but some people just don't its a chore, here, have money instead

I think a fiver in a card goes a long way.

Not much effort and expense really.

Op we have a sil like this, sparodic stuff.. Happy to turn up with nothing.

No shame. I wonder too if sees herself as part of their unit even though lives close.

Does she every buy them anything? You don't have to buy presents, but being a parent herself you'd think/hope she'd want to buy them a little something - even if it's a large bar of chocolate on offer.

My SIL is the same .She is also my sons Godmother.No phone call, no card , no presents for Christmas or birthdays.I give her son something every time because he shouldn't suffer for his mean mom .She does it because she doesn't like my husband who is her brother.

What do your MIL and FIL say about it? Knowing you buy for her son, haven't they mentioned her not turning up with anything? I know you said you will continue as you don't want your nephew to loose out but perhaps say to PIL she never buys for our children - why is that? Does she want us to stop?

Do you buy for her at birthday and Christmas too? If you do, that should stop at once.