To be furious but a bit too cowardly to do anything about the boob eye-flick?

[OurAveline]

I should say I think I probably know the answer to this but I’m vaguely horrified by a) this person’s Behaviour and b) my reaction... Long story short I was in a 1-2-1 work meeting today. Other person is same level as seniority to me but in a different department. Meeting was a short catch up to see how we can help each other by cross referring projects that would result in additional sales into our respective clients. All very positive, all very win/win. No weird history. No weird power dynamics. Sat opposite work colleague for approx 30 mins and at least once every 30 seconds his eyes flicked down to my chest. I was wearing a blouse buttoned to an inch below my collar bone. Not even a hint of boob on show. I should have said “hey busters eye up”. Instead I sat there questioning whether the blouse was in actual fact inappropriate and whether I was sitting oddly to encourage the boob eye-flick. I’m enraged that he couldn’t NOT do it and even more enraged that I didn’t call him out on it.

This may not be a popular view..... but it doesn't sound like it was intended to be intimidating, or sleazy. Ideally it would not have happened, but very quick spontaneous eye movements like that can be tricky! I mean we weren't talking about like no lingering ogles were we?

At a meeting last week I was absolutely transfixed by a colleagues bald spot. Just couldn't seem to stop looking at it, it was so ridiculously shiny. The harder I tried not to, the more my eyes kept momentarily going there. Sorry I know that doesn't help, but maybe analysing the power balance is turning it into more than what it was? also, don't beat yourself up about your reaction, calling him out would likely have achieved nothing and as women we've learned culturally to first question ourselves and what we might have done when we get unwanted attention.

It may just have been the natural eye movement of someone who finds constant eye contact difficult? Seems odd that anyone would compulsively look at covered skin. Is he generally sleazy?

Plus, I wouldn't call anyone 'Buster' unless I was Blousey from Bugsy.

I called someone out once but he was blatantly talking to my left breast the entire time

I was actually shocked at myself but he was so darn obvious not eye flick full on gawping

A look at least every 30 secs during 30 minutes sounds more like an eye flicker than a letch.

Tbh, I don't think saying anything other than "have I got something on my top?" would work. Otherwise it's too confrontational and easy for him to deny. My friends husband does this to me. It's really awkward and I wish I had the answer. Well, I have seemingly, but not the guts to say it

I expect you had a big gravy stain on your blouse. Unless of course your covered chest is soooo irresistible

Omg I remember going to my sons open evening at school and this happened. At the end of the interview he couldn't recall my sons name !! !! I don't even have good tits. Dad went to future open evenings xx

This story brings so many embarrassing memories for me.
I'm actually 40% deaf in both ears, but having been forced to wear hearing aids at school and bullied mercilessly throughout my school years I vowed I would NEVER wear them again.
I am told I am a superb lip reader by the last audiologist I saw, However sometimes people mumble and in those situations I often not realising I'm doing it but lean forward slightly with my head tilted..you can see where this is going !!
I have been slapped once, threatened by the partner/husband. However I'm completely oblivious that My eyes are staring where they are, I'm so focussed on trying to hear what is being said.
In all the cases above the person I offended is mortified by their own accusations and all is laughed off.

Oh to have perfect hearing.

Funny thing about deafness. I cannot hear the TV at all even on max volume, yet I can hear a pin drop!

I don't understand pixel. Are you saying in your attempt to lipread someone's lips you end up staring at their tits but you simply can't help it? I don't know if I am unusual, but I don't speak out of my chest..

Plus, I wouldn't call anyone 'Buster' unless I was Blousey from Bugsy.

It may just have been the natural eye movement of someone who finds constant eye contact difficult?

Do consider this as an option: sitting across a desk in a 1-2-1 can be particularly challenging to maintain eye contact.
I think it is fine to make it clear you find it uncomfortable by perhaps obviously checking you have no stains/crumbs on the area. That would make me realise I had focused on an inappropriate spot.

I used to work with a senior manager who was incapable of looking people in the eye. So he would try to make eye contact but fuck it up big time and look down. Every woman, me included, thought he was being creepy. Then I happened to be on a training course with him and noticed he did the same with men too. Even men more junior to him. Not sure if it was a confidence thing or potentially Aspergers. I had a young lad reporting in to me a few years later who had Aspergers. He would occasionally cut off from speaking to me to apologise for no eye contact, even though we had fully covered off his Aspergers in wellness meetings and he had no reason to apologise.

So perhaps give him a break and wait to see how he is around other people and different style tops!

I know it's of no help but I could not take my eyes off my consultant's hair transplant last year. It was perfectly symmetrical rows of baby hairs pushing through a very shiny, long bald scalp. I was transfixed. Paid him £360 and don't remember a thing he said.

I knew a girl who did this when we were mid-late teens. She was a very nice girl, friendly and chatty, but she did the boob eye flick to everyone. My sisters and I thought it might be just girls, but my dad said she did it to him too! I think it must have been a nervous/tic thing. I ran into her unexpectedly recently, we are now both early thirties and she doesn’t seem to do it now.

Maybe your colleague was like this and wasn’t being a perv?

FGS, every possible explanation apart from: yes, OP, that sounds inappropriate and unpleasant.
FWIW, OurAveline, I accept your assessment that he was being inappropriate.
Even if it wasn’t due to sleaziness then he still needs to change his behaviour. Not easy to call him out on it though.

I understood Pixelpuffin to be saying that it appears as though they are leaning in for a lips kias.

Or kiss.

My understanding of pixel is that when people mumble it's not possible to lipread so they lean in and their eyes zone out as the concentrate on trying to hear. I do similar (but apparently my hearing is fine? I need bloody subtitles though)

Thanks for the responses all. I posted as was genuinely interested in other people’s interpretation of situation. Interesting, as Aunty Elle points out, that we have many possible mitigating circumstances (which of course could be the case here. I don’t know). If I’m honest though I don’t want to have to observe his behaviour with other people or question his hearing or whether he’s on the autistic spectrum I’d just like him to not look at my tits. I’ve got lots of other body parts. A whole head, neck and quite large hair which would all be fine to look at if eye contact really is that painful. I’m still pissed off with how it made me feel and maybe that’s the source of some of my intolerance about the whole thing.

I'm going to go against the grain here but only because I know that in the case of the person I refer to, they were not perving.
A friend of mine has severe OCD. If they glance somewhere they shouldn't then to 'correct' it, then they have to repeat the glance 3 times.
So if they accidentally looked too closely at a spot on your nose, or at a bald spot, or at your boobs - then they'd be compelled to repeat that glance three times. If you caught them doing it, then they'd be highly embarrassed, but their OCD would mean that they have to repeat the behaviour three more times.

I've got a friend with autism too but they mask very well. Eye contact is uncomfortable, but they go for looking at an ear, or the hairline or a point just beyond the shoulder. It sometimes feels weird, but I understand why they do it.

Thanks GinAndSonic
Didn't realise I'd made it so hard to understand.

@ Snowyhere2018 - I lean in, twisting my head slightly so my ears can try to catch what is being said.

Half the time I rely heavily on the speakers body language to get the gist of what the conversation is about as lip reading misses a lot of words.

I had a colleague who was a chronic boob starer. I tried to draw his attention to it by looking down at my own chest as he did it and asking him if there was something amiss, whilst brushing at imaginary crumbs... he briefly paused from staring, looked me in the eye, said 'no' and looked a bit puzzled, then went back to staring.
I've a new colleague whose eyes drift and I've taken to standing with my arms crossed in front of my chest if I need to speak to him! I really don't think either of these men appreciate what they are doing.
I think the eye flick is to look at your boobs tbh.

Are you particularly large of nork OP?

Relentless eye contact would have been intimidating. It's usual to look away / around.