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AIBU?

Unwanted, self invited, house guest. How to refuse?

114 replies

LaceandChintz · 05/03/2018 20:41

The AIBU is is it mean of me to say no to this.?
My cousin has been invited to a party nearish my home town (about 200 miles from his home). He has asked if he and his wife can stay with us. Normally I’d say yes and enjoy a rare catch-up. However this weekend coincides with a very rare, and I mean first time in several years, that dh and I will have the weekend to ourselves. No kids (woohoo!), no work (yay!). He asked a while ago and I said really sorry, explained that we had plans as kids all away etc, really sorry.
He’s now asked again, thinking by plans we mean we are away and asking if they can stay in our house and bring own breakfast etc.. as hotels are expensive, completely missing the point. We aren’t going anywhere. We might stay in, but might go to a grown-up restaurant or a late film. We don’t want to be waiting for house guests to come in (the party is some distance from here, about an hour by public transport so they could be really late).We don’t want to have to get up to host breakfast. We might not want to get up at all.
We have a busy family and working life and I love it. But I am so looking forward to this weekend.
Am I being unreasonable not letting them stay? And if not, how do I spell it out to them?
Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

Report

LaceandChintz · 05/03/2018 22:18

I messaged reiterating it was not possible for them to stay (very polite) and sent details of some local (to party) hotels.
Have just had a message back saying
Thanks, that's fine, I understand.

So that's good, but disappointingly no at the end so he probably thinks we're planning to use the time decorating or something

OP posts:

theftbyfinding · 05/03/2018 22:18

In what way would an hour by public transport save them money anyway? By the time they get a cab back to your house, they could have booked a decent hotel surely? Cheapskates. Just text back no, it won't work for us. Have a great night.

ohfortuna · 05/03/2018 22:18

Reasons will be seen as an invitation for the other party to start negotiating
broken record technique is the way to go

Flobalob · 05/03/2018 22:20

I'd be really explicit so it's crystal clear "sorry cousin, the kids are all away for the first time in forever. Therefore we plan on fucking each other senseless all over the house and it just won't be the same with you and your wife there to watch"

MapleMuffins · 05/03/2018 22:24

Oh I am so glad you stood your ground.I can live vicariously as we are about to be asked to put someone up this weekend (I can feel it....) and I am SO unlikely to say no, even though I really really want to.

(Friend of dH's. There's an annual event near us he likes to attend.... we never hear hide nor hair of him until roughly this time every year. )

ladymariner · 05/03/2018 22:29

Just googled sploshing...every day is a school day on here!!

And no, op YANBU!!

caringcarer · 05/03/2018 22:32

Lace sending the link to Premier Inn sounds perfect and you can have house to self for serious adult time.

MsJolly · 05/03/2018 22:36

Could get messy😂😂😂

ReanimatedSGB · 05/03/2018 22:36

To be fair, maybe he just thought you were going to be away and it was worth asking if he and his wife could use the house (though that in itself is a bit cheeky unless you are so close to them that they have keys already.)
But at least he's backed down politely.

DunkandEgg · 05/03/2018 22:40

Sploshing adds to the fatberg problem. Tut.

starlightafar · 05/03/2018 22:43

Who asks twice?? I'd take the first no as firm.

KarmaStar · 05/03/2018 22:49

Op,
Be honest,it's your home you don't need to invent excuses to not invite people.
This time is precious to you.
Explain calmly and offer to help find an alternative accommodation,like airbnb.
Don't be pressured into back trac king and absolutely don't feel guilty.
Have a wonderful time

LeighaJ · 06/03/2018 12:38

Politely say no again and include a link to airbnb.

Perendinate · 06/03/2018 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clairaloulou · 08/03/2018 17:47

Tell them “no CF allowed, so do fuck off”

extinctspecies · 08/03/2018 17:48

Sorry, but I think YABU, and mean-spirited.

Although I appear to be the only one on this thread.

They are family, and as you say, it would be a chance for a rare catch-up as they live a long way away.

They are not going to be encroaching on your space much as they will be at a party for the evening. So you could invite them to arrive at, say, teatime, on the day of the party so you have a cup of tea and catch up, they change and go to the party, and then leave after breakfast the next day.

You and your DH will still have plenty of time on your own together.

Try and be a bit more generous with your home & your time.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2018 17:56

'Although I appear to be the only one on this thread.'

Yep.

MadMags · 08/03/2018 17:57

Try and be a bit more generous with your home & your time

I think you left off “if you want to”.

TheTab · 08/03/2018 18:01

No you are not being mean OP, I know what it's like to have absolutely no time to yourself and constantly at everyone else's beck and call.

Have a clear conscience on me.

TwitterQueen1 · 08/03/2018 18:17

Try and be a bit more generous with your home & your time.
Said interfering, bossy, unreasonable complete stranger....

Are you the cousin extinct? How funny that you feel you are entitled to lecture the OP on whom she should invite into her home...

Sparklyglitter · 08/03/2018 18:21

Sorry for cousin, but No! No! No! That rare time without kids is way too precious!! Hope you have fun!!! xxx

Bettercallsaul1 · 08/03/2018 18:23

No-one has the right to stay in someone else's house. This is basically trying to use the OP's home as a hotel. The OP already had plans for that weekend and should definitely not be guilted into changing them. Her life is just as important as her cousin's, and here it is a matter of her cousin's "important occasion" (party) versus her own "important occasion" (rare weekend alone without children). The only reason that the OP is facing this dilemma, and having to defend herself, is because her cousin has asked twice, not accepting her first answer, which was wrong. The OP has made it clear that her cousin is welcome to visit on another weekend, so if her relative is interested in a "rare catch up", he/she has the opportunity.

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Daisyduckisawhore · 08/03/2018 18:37

I woul have told them 'sorry cuz, but DH has just had his gimp suit dry cleaned and I've just had my whips re-threaded so we're in for one helluva weekend'

perfectstorm · 08/03/2018 18:39

Have a lovely weekend. (And not in the teeniest tiniest way are you being unreasonable, either. This time is really valuable.)

dustyparadeground · 08/03/2018 18:40

Is your cousin 12?

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