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AIBU?

Unwanted, self invited, house guest. How to refuse?

114 replies

LaceandChintz · 05/03/2018 20:41

The AIBU is is it mean of me to say no to this.?
My cousin has been invited to a party nearish my home town (about 200 miles from his home). He has asked if he and his wife can stay with us. Normally I’d say yes and enjoy a rare catch-up. However this weekend coincides with a very rare, and I mean first time in several years, that dh and I will have the weekend to ourselves. No kids (woohoo!), no work (yay!). He asked a while ago and I said really sorry, explained that we had plans as kids all away etc, really sorry.
He’s now asked again, thinking by plans we mean we are away and asking if they can stay in our house and bring own breakfast etc.. as hotels are expensive, completely missing the point. We aren’t going anywhere. We might stay in, but might go to a grown-up restaurant or a late film. We don’t want to be waiting for house guests to come in (the party is some distance from here, about an hour by public transport so they could be really late).We don’t want to have to get up to host breakfast. We might not want to get up at all.
We have a busy family and working life and I love it. But I am so looking forward to this weekend.
Am I being unreasonable not letting them stay? And if not, how do I spell it out to them?
Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

Report

RubyFlint · 10/03/2018 01:22

Bettercall yes me too, and to my DD!

Bettercallsaul1 · 09/03/2018 20:57

Ruby I remember that one! Mr Messy arrives and wrecks the place, and after Mr Fussy waves him a relieved "goodbye", Mr Clumsy arrives instead. I still read these books in my dreams

TeknoGran · 09/03/2018 18:19

True but you never know - may need to stay with them sometime

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 09/03/2018 18:13

Recently had a child free night and enjoyed meal out and obviously lots of noisy sex. No way would I have wanted visitors over, even if they were just looking after themselves!

Have some posters forgotten what it's like to be child free???? So very rare in our house!

TheCatsMother44 · 09/03/2018 18:09

@TeknoGran but that would defeat the point of the OP wanting a weekend to themselves in their own house.

TeknoGran · 09/03/2018 18:07

You could just give them a key and let them get on with it. Make it clear you have plans and they will be left to their own devices.

RubyFlint · 09/03/2018 18:05

I haven’t RTFT but the title immediately brought the Mr Fussy story to mind where his long lost cousin Mr Messy rocks up to stay for ‘a day/a week/a month’

ralfeesmum · 09/03/2018 11:31

If this cousin chappy believes the old saying "blood is thicker than water" then it's time he was proved wrong.

Cheeky sod!

profile22 · 09/03/2018 08:55

Stick to your plans and enjoy them 👍 He shouldn’t have asked again. You’re busy, it’s not your fault hotels are expensive. You are not being unreasonable. It’s a rare weekend, and of course you don’t want to waste it 👍

extinctspecies · 09/03/2018 07:48

Aimee I'm always happy to help out distant members of my family by hosting them when they are visiting my part of the country.

And I'm glad to say they are usually happy to reciprocate.

I guess that's just me though! Peace & Love.

AimeeNoOneTheSamee · 09/03/2018 07:13

Glad it got resolved OP. Try and get extinctspecies address as it sounds like they could stay there.

theramengirl · 09/03/2018 06:45

OP, YANBU at all. You have done the right thing.

If it's me, I would have taken the chance to use the weekend to get away and cozy up in a nice little B and B and give the house my cuz to stay - but ONLY if the cousin was very close to me. But that's me, always looking for an opportunity to travel.

Thistlebelle · 09/03/2018 04:52

Well, I was trying to be delicate...

MyOtherProfile · 09/03/2018 03:57

Thistlebelle you forgot to mention that OP and DH will be swinging naked from the chandeliers which may embarrass cousin and his dw.

Thistlebelle · 09/03/2018 03:45

Sarah the entire point of the thread is that they will be there.

They just don’t want visitors because it’s a rare child free weekend and they want some time to themselves.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 08/03/2018 23:50

I’d just give them a key, say were kid free so you’re welcome to stay but please clean up after yourselves as we won’t be there

Thistlebelle · 08/03/2018 22:28

Extinct I’m aware you didn’t coin the phrase I’ve been on MN a while myself...

I was just pointing out the small hypocrisy of complaining about name calling while... name calling.

cheval · 08/03/2018 22:15

The importance of saying no is a lesson that has taken me many decades to learn. Have your weekend with husband. The cousin can stay elsewhere. If he really wants to see you, he will make the effort another time.

extinctspecies · 08/03/2018 20:57

OP - you are right, none of us knows you in person or how generous you are in RL. I'm sure you are a genuinely lovely person. We can only base our comments on what we read online.
I hope you enjoy your child-free weekend with your husband.
I've been on Mumsnet for over 15 years, so nothing really surprises me on here any more.

extinctspecies · 08/03/2018 20:51

I didn't coin the phrase, it's been in use a long time.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3144737-mumsnet-a-force-for-good-or-a-nest-of-vipers

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3182245-Nest-of-vipers

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/a731910-Coo-ee-MNHQ-That-Nest-of-Vipers-T-Shirt

LaceandChintz · 08/03/2018 20:17

Thank you everyone for your messages. My cousin is nice, I don't really think he was being (that) cheeky asking twice, if I'm being generous. But I don't think he would consider that we may be really really excited about "us" time! He has no children or dependents so probably doesn't realise what a rare treat this is.
To whoever said I should be more generous with my time and home (I can't scroll back on the app on my phone to see) I'm sorry but you have no idea how generous I am. I am very giving.
And yes I felt guilty for wanting to say no to them. Which is why I sought the opinion of Mumsnet.
But for once, I was thinking about me and dh and giving my time and home to us and our marriage.
Anyway cousin has accepted my declining his request so all is well.

OP posts:

Katyb121 · 08/03/2018 19:52

😂😂 had to google 'sploshing'

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crashbangwhallop · 08/03/2018 19:25

I would have gone with "apologies dear cousin but that weekend is our swingers party and we're hosting... you're more than welcome to stay but you will be expected to join in. DP is has shaved something special into his chest hair and is rather looking forward to getting to know you better!"

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/03/2018 19:22

"the party is some distance from here, about an hour by public transport"
I am gobsmacked by that. In what way is that near you?

TheCatsMother44 · 08/03/2018 19:22

No need for name calling and yet others are called vipers and are told they're mean spirited.... ooookayyy.

FWIW, I don't think the OP is being mean spirited nor should they 'try to be more generous with their time and home'.

I'm with the OP on this, it's a rare weekend with the house to themselves, make the most of it!

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