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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it wrong to ask kids to pay for sweets.

63 replies

lovechocolates · 05/03/2018 15:57

hi. i dont know if Im being unreasonable or not and need reasurance. I was at work yesterday and DH too the kids (7 and 9) for their weekly shop. He brought some Haribo, which i saw i the cupboard. Anyway, today i said to my 7 year old, "would you like some?" He replied, "if i have some, i have pay daddy 70p". I was like, "What??" He explained DH told him, he has to pay for the sweets out of their pocket money if they have any. I'm all for kids being independant and buying their sweets with their pocket money, but i assumed he had brought the sweets for the whole family to share. Apparently, the 7 year old didn't have any yesterday, but the 9 year old did and paid for them. AIBU to think this is harsh and surely the sweets should just be shared out.

OP posts:

MacaroniPenguin · 05/03/2018 16:53

At 70p to get a share of them it sounds like Dad is profiteering!

I have absolutely no problem with children spending their momey on sweets, which would sometimes mean me lending them the money and them paying me back when we get home. This has a very different feel somehow, but I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable or unreasonable to think that.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 05/03/2018 16:56

It makes sense to me. If they want sweets, they can pay for them - if they don't, they can save their pocket money for something else.

ifonly4 · 05/03/2018 16:58

I wouldn't never bought DD sweets and luckily she wasn't that bothered about them. However, as parents we chose to have cake or chocolate as a Saturday afternoon treat for the whole family, so we pay. It's a case of agreeing that you feel is right as parents. If you choose to buy them something then you pay, if they're asking for it (and not essential to health, nutrition, social requirements, school or they haven't done anything special to deserve a treat) then maybe they pay.

BellyBean · 05/03/2018 16:59

If they'd got packs of sweets stashed in their room that they'd already paid for I doubt you'd find it strange. Just because it's in the cupboard it's no different really.

Unless these are sweets you usually buy and freely offer then it seems a good way to learn the value of money to me.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/03/2018 17:03

Nope. All kinds of wrong. If children want to use their pocket money to buy sweets when they go out, fine. NOT fine to put them in the family shopping then tell them they have to buy them from their Dad. Fuck me. He’ll have them buying their ration if toilet paper next. Fuck me.

BewareOfDragons · 05/03/2018 17:05

Next you go to the shops and you buy 'treats' for the house, tell your DH he can't have any as they're not for him. He can buy his own.

Original poster

lovechocolates · 05/03/2018 17:06

i see that side as well Backforgood and really hope that is the reason for charging the kids if they had any. It just strikes me as a bit harsh and mean. I would've personally brought the bag and just shared them with everyone. I trying to see your point of view, mainly to stop myself getting angry that he can be so tight!! Looking forward to having a coversation when he gets home. I suppose i should wait till then, before getting too upset, but thats just me. x x x

OP posts:

falsepriest · 05/03/2018 17:08

Who'd a thought that communicating with everyone involved might possibly help?!

NotTheFordType · 05/03/2018 17:10

Basically DH brought the sweets. He said, If the kids wanted to have them, they would need to pay him.

This sounds to me like your DC said "Daddy please can we have this big bag of Haribo" and him striking a deal. In this case I think it's actually a good thing.

However if you normally buy a multipack of sweets and they just have them ad hoc, then I think he's being mean.

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 17:11

I’m not convinced it’s teaching the value of money. It feels more like being mean!

I suppose it just depends on how you do things in your home.

I do similar to other posters loan ds the money until we get home, if he wants something and doesn’t have his pocket money.

Sometimes if ds is going to the shop and I ask him to get a pint of milk or similar, he will pay, without being asked. As it’s a ‘family’ thing we all use, he says!

I like that. I like that ds thinks ‘family’ iyswim

Original poster

lovechocolates · 05/03/2018 17:11

i'm trying to see that point of view Backforgood. Mainly to stop me getting angry at him charging kids for sweets he'd put in the trolley. I know we need to have a conversation and maybe its not as it seems and he's trying to teach them the value of money. I hope it's that. just seems very strange he would do that. i'd personally just put a bag in the trolley and let everyone share. i know we need to talk about it, when hes home.

OP posts:

BaronessBomburst · 05/03/2018 17:14

I can almost see his point. It's up to DS what he spends his pocket money on; if he bought sweets I wouldn't expect to share them. And if I bought myself a treat I wouldn't necessarily share it with DS. I think the weird thing is charging them afterwards. It's not like he was in the supermarket and said "anyone want to go halves on a bag of Haribo?".

agentdaisy · 05/03/2018 17:14

If I decide to buy sweets for the kids when I go shopping then I pay for them.

If one of them asks me to get them some sweets when I go to the shop then they pay for them.

I'd never buy sweets and tell the kids they can have some if they pay for them. If I buy sweets for me then they're mine but I'll let them have a few.

StormTreader · 05/03/2018 17:21

Sounds a little like the dick-swinging "I'm the one with the money in this house, you're only here on my sufferance" that my dad used to delight in.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 05/03/2018 17:29

You keep saying brought, do you mean bought? Your post doesn't make sense otherwise

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2018 17:33

Yeah I'd have issues with this. Is he greedy or overweight? He might try to plead it's about the value of money, but I reckon he doesn't want to share and he resents buying sweets for his own kids. So if he buys them he wants them all to himself.

Dick move indeed.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2018 17:36

What's he like with buying them other stuff? Does he resent xmas, birthdays, or any extras ever spent on the kids? Or is this the first time you've seen this kind of selfish behaviour in him where the kids get the bare minimum and no more?

youarenotkiddingme · 05/03/2018 17:39

Not a bad idea. But if its those mini bags that contain about 10 sweets then 70p is expensive. They are 20p in the shops.

Teach your kids to shop around

lalalalyra · 05/03/2018 17:44

I think you need to speak to him before you react. If he was buying himself a treat and the kids had money to buy themselves a treat and had the choice between sweets and saving/a toy/something else then it's fair enough. I had to bring in a rule that sweets had to be paid for because one of mine clocked that her sister would always go for sweets rather than saving. So, she'd save for a big toy and then end up with a share of her sisters sweets as well.

As long as it's not the case that the kids aren't allowed any of the nice things that come into the house every time then I don't see the harm in Dad being allowed to buy a packet of sweets for himself and not share.

Midlandertoofarfromthesea · 05/03/2018 17:50

How about you buy some, and undercut his price! A lesson on profiteering.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 05/03/2018 17:53

I give my kids pocket money and they may choose to spend some of it on sweets. It’s good to help them budget. It’s not like your DH is depriving them of real food or a coat.

honeylulu · 05/03/2018 18:04

I can sort of see his point/ logic but i think it leaves a feeling of unease because it was done with the family grocery shop.
My son gets pocket money and he does but his own treats typically but he also "helps" his dad with the supermarket shop and a few treats appear in the trolley, although these are nominally for the whole family.
You can go too far to make a point i think. My dad would have done this. I thought he was mean when i was a child and i still think so now.

Our youngest is too young for pocket money but if we go on a family day out and buy her an ice cream then of course we'd get one for our son too rather than tell him to cough up if he wants one. I'm not a panderer but it just seems really unkind to have such rigid rules.

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 18:09

OP did you all eat the sweets before he got home!

Tink2007 · 05/03/2018 18:12

Sounds a bit tight to me to be honest. I wouldn’t be happy if my DH done this without even mentioning it to me.

wrenika · 05/03/2018 18:23

I don't see anything wrong with it if they get pocket money. Then the sweets are there should they wish to spend some money on them, and if they want to keep it then that's fine too.

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