To ask which phase of your DCs upbringing did you find hardest?

[ethelfleda]

Was it New born stage? Toddler stage or maybe teenage years? And why?

Our DS (1st child) is 4 months and has hit sleep regression and I am finding it tough. I keep thinking "it'll be ok when this phase passes... it will get easier" but what if I am wrong? I adore my son but I am desperate for sleep.

He is EBF and last night I hit a low. About 2am he still wouldn't settle... I didn't know what to do. I said 'shut up' to him a few times under my breath and slapped myself around the face. I don't know why - I think I was frustrated and sleep deprived. Didn't realise DH (who sleeps in spare room) heard me say what I said and saw me do what I did over the video monitor. He came and took DS from me and got angry with me and I said he thinks I am 'not capable'

I didn't know what to do other than just weep!! I am so bloody angry at myself for telling a poor defenceless baby to 'shut up' when he just needed a cuddle. I feel like the crappest mother ever to be honest and I just feel like I need a rough point to 'look forward to' when I can believe that this may be easier than it is now.

But real sleep deprivation is so all pervasive, affecting physical as well as mental state quite seriously, so I can't get my head around how getting 7 hours sleep a night and sending the child to school 240 days a year could be harder than the 24/7/365 mood altering, body breaking, all pervasive experience of sleep deprivation

^This
At one point I had a 20 month old who woke up multiple times a night screaming the house down (night terrors) and was up from 5am every day, at at the same time as a baby who woke up every 45 mins and didn’t settle without a BF. And DH worked away. I can’t imagine much that could be tougher than that, but I guess only time will tell!

Ha! Don’t beat yourself up OP.... I’ve said far worse - many of us have if we’re honest! The trick is to sing it into a baby appropriate tune. I think 3-6 months and then 9-12 were the worst. DD has just started sleeping through at 8 months then BAM she started 2 days at nursery and we were hit with every bug under the sun. For about 2-3 months I spent a good 2-3 hours pacing the floor every night in the wee hours. I kept my sanity by counting paces and an excellent repertoire of profane songs to the tunes of popular nursery rhymes

First 3 months of baby no. 1.

All else was a doddle after that .

I’ve also perfected sleeping while standing up on the tube....

Oh and I think sleep deprivation is much more bearable when you only have one DC. It is even more hellish when you have an older dc to take care of.

Mine is 2.5 and I have to say, the period from 3-5 months was dire for sleep. He's never been a great sleeper but he would go down around 2200 for the night and wake for feeds at 0300 and 0500. Quite manageable. He slept through the night at 12 weeks and it all went backwards from there: within ten days, he was waking every 2 hours on a good night and every 45 minutes on a bad one. The only thing that settled him was boob. He wouldn't take a bottle. He would fight naps and was wildly overtired.

DP was desperate to help but couldn't, and we argued loads (he wanted to do controlled crying, I vetoed that). Dark days. (We were also having noisy neighbour issues and I had undiagnosed PTSD from the birth.) Lots of marching around freezing parks to try to get him to sleep in the pushchair.

I don't think any period has been as difficult for me as those two months. It did just start gradually to improve around six months and we moved him into his own room at eight months. It does get better! But for you - this stage is really, really tough.

You are currently going through a really hard stage OP, please behind to yourself. I certainly said things to baby DS and then sobbed about it late. The good news is he doesn't remember!

You do need to talk calmly to your DH though about how you're feeling though. Getting 7 hours uninterrupted sleep, even if you're used to more, is no comparison to dealing with night feeds.

Sleep deprivation is a bugger, and mine didn't sleep through properly for years. You do learn to adjust to it though, I promise! 4 months is a hard time, but 6 months is lovely when they sit up and interact more.

Oh, and like a poster ^^ I had some sweaty songs set to nursery rhymes too. I'll tell DC about those when much older

Sweaty??? Sweary!!!

First 6 months. They're so bloody boring!

Sleep deprivation is torture , there’s no doubt about that and caring for babies is mind numbing hell when you’re fucking knackered.

I’m still going for teens being the hardest years to parent, won’t bore you but it’s 16+ years away for you.

Op stop beating yourself up, literally!
Try expressing a bottle again then maybe your do can do the next feed after you have gone to bed if he's up till 11pm anyway.
It's perfectly normal to swear at babies when you're knackered - he didn't know what you said, it will not affect him.

All ages have different challenges. 15+ with dd1 was the worse for me, so emotionally knackering.
I have 3 children, 18 months between youngest 2 (now 8 and 10) so remember the sleepless nights when the youngest didn't sleep (til, he was 2, i said more than shut up to him) and still having to get on with it I the day, it's exhausting be kinder to yourself xx

I'm also just experiencing the trauma of not getting your dc into the secondary school you want them to go to and I instead being offered a shit school. My mother said earlier "welcome to parenthood " meaning the real hard, heart trenching parenting is coming into play where you're just so worried sick about their future education/friendships/teenage years, it is so so worrying!

Where once you could keep them wrapped up safe and warm in your arms, now they are going off to meet people who may or may not get them into drugs/alcohol/disinterested in their education/boys/sex/staying out late etc etc. I think I'm entering into a new phase which is scary and unpredictable and partly out of my control. Yet the guilt I feel for not getting the right secondary school is eating away at me and only been less than a week..

Your husband is being a cunt. 7 hours uninterrupted sleep and he has the nerve to tell you you're not capable?
4 months is tough. I had a non sleeper, and it is torture.
You may well have pnd, in which case you need HELP not judgement. Don't slap yourself though, it's not a good idea. Hand the baby over to him and remove yourself from the situation if need be.
It will get better, I promise.

Oh op, sorry you're feeling rubbish, parenting is bloody hard.

I didn't find my ds's newborn phase hard but it was a bit boring, I loved/adored everything 4months onwards when he started doing things, he sat, crawled, talked and walked very early, he was fabulous. It got hard with him when he was around 6, he's 8 now BUT....dd (now 4) is awaiting an autism assessment, all professionals say they are 90% sure she'll get the diagnosis and my god has life been hard since she was 13 months when all this began. It was around the same time that ds became hard work but we've realised this past year he just feels so so left out. Dd takes up SO much time, he is starved of the attention he used to get, he has cried to me about his sister not talking to him and playing with him, it took her until almost 3 to realise he even existed, I feel so sad for him sometimes.
Things are starting to improve lately and they are playing together much more and dh and I are trying very hard to spend more 1 to 1 time with ds. We're just bloody exhausted.

You need support from dh not to be told you're not capable. seems a bit cruel to watch you on the monitor instead of coming in to help sooner

Ah yes, I'd forgotten about Twinkle Twinkle Little Fucking Star .