To ask if any of these are red flags?

[Beautyandlowselfesteem]

First date with someone went well. We originally met when both drunk and I found out from him his last relationship ended around 5 months ago because she cheated :(

We have been messing since and there has been some flirty banter. He mentioned a couple of things which got my spidey sense tingling: I mentioned I was wfh the day after our first date and he replied “ah we’ve got this all wrong! Should have both worked from home today! That should be the plan for next time!”

(Btw we haven’t slept together yet and I don’t intend to for a little while... he has invited me to a restaurant near his house for next time but I will go home after (school night)!)

He has also started referring to our impending second date (he’s going to take me out to dinner) as a third date... given it’s our third meeting. Obviously third date has connotations though which again makes me feel a bit like he’s after just sex?

Irl he was funny and sweet, and quite romantic eg a few times he brought things up indicating he saw us as having a future together.

We were chatting today and he said he was looking at places to take me on our next date (already scheduled); when I said I was looking forward to it, he replied “yeah me too. Seems pretty far away though!”

Is he being nice/rebounding/just after sex?! I’m fairly inexperienced and quite cynical. Would appreciate any advice

Ok, no real proper 'red flags' that I can see. Slightly pushy, possibly. And - this one I would make a note of - if someone is eager to tell you very early on that his last relationship ended because the other person cheated I would think 'Ok, if you say so' - and I would definitely NOT take that at face value until I knew them much better. That's a classic trotted out by men who a. want to get the sympathy vote in straight away and build up their puppy-dog points and b. is sadly common when actually, it's very much the other way around and you find out later that actually, they're the cheat. It's a useful way of laying the groundwork for 'my ex is crazy' if she ever pops back up. Golden rule: honest normal people do not generally spend a first date letting you know all about how badly their ex treated them, so unless it came up in specific conversation in another way - be warned.

So there you go - but apart from that - can't see any issues really.

HOWEVER. The other golden rule is 'trust your instincts'. This one never fails.

Basically, you've met a bloke who seems ok but your instincts are tingling. So don't dismiss them. Don't be paranoid, but don't let your guard down yet and definitely set the pace you're happy with - and don't hesitate to throw him back if things start to not add up for you.

In fairness he didn’t mention his ex once on our date!

On our first meeting (both drunk) I launched myself at him and we went for a drink, i then proceeded to quiz him about himself and whether he was single etc! Mortifying. I asked why his relationship ended! So that’s how I know...

Also re instincts, my instincts are actually all good. The first date was great and I was on a high after. —I messaged a friend saying he was the one— Realistically, I am inexperienced though and fairly anxious and almost looking for problems! Very aware that statistically this may not work out too and always thinking the worst. Guess I just need to enjoy the ride!!

Thanks for all the helpful advice too

I think you are right to be cautious. Is he dating other people as well as you?

Why’s that Flomy? He hasn’t said anything about it, not sure because we didn’t meet on an app/online. But may well be!

I started writing this reply on the tube this morning and then forgot to press Post, and now everything I was going to say has basically been said already. But here it is anyway!

I opened this thread expecting to say ‘yes’, because normally I think if you have to ask if something’s a red flag then it probably is. But actually I really don’t see any red flags here.

However, sometimes we just have a gut feeling that something’s not right, and it’s ok to listen to that feeling even if you can’t quite put your finger on what exactly is bothering you. If he makes you feel uneasy or you’re just not feeling it, then you don’t have to keep seeing him and you don’t even need a reason.

As others have said, wanting to sleep with you isn’t a bad thing and doesn’t make him a perv or a creep. But you also don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and his reaction to that is the important part. Personally if it were me, I’d probably send a message before the next date saying something like ‘this is a little awkward and without wanting to sound presumptuous, in the interest of managing expectations I should make it clear that I’ll be heading home after dinner. Looking forward to seeing you!’ But that’s just me!

Ok sounds good, thanks

As I say, there really is no bad instinct, it’s just me not knowing what to expect I guess. He’s quite grown-up and worldly, and while I am in some ways, am not in others!

He asked again whether i thought I’d manage a wfh the day after our date - hoping it’s not creepy :/ I said no anyway as it’s pretty impossible where I work!

what is creepy there? are you sure you want to go on a date with him? You don't have to - there is no need to look for excuses red flags

Totally ok to change your mind. I'd rather pull out now than wait. You don't sound keen at all (which is totally fine).

I think he needs to chill out a bit.

Work from home after a date = ply you with loads of booze.

Ive been around the block a bit!

Ah I said I couldn’t but am actually down with the booze thing 😳 I am keen, just a massive worrier! He came across so well in real life the first time that i excited/nervous to see if it’s the same again

To some people ‘working from home’ is just a euphemism for dossing around in your pyjamas not really doing any work, so he might just be trying to have a joke with you about that (implying that you can have a few drinks because you’re skiving the next day). I really don’t think it has to have a sexual connotation, so don’t worry too much about that!