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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My heart hurts

37 replies

Housequeen101 · 04/03/2018 21:24

This is really hard for me, please be gentle. I’ve had to stop breast feeding my 7week old and I’m hurting, quiet shocked at how upset I am. I’ve had to leave breast feeding groups on Facebook as posts about mums reaching their 6 month breast feeding mark are making me feel inadequate and to be honest, jealous. Baby has terrible terrible colic, it’s so bad. For various reasons I’ve had to combi feed but have enjoyed breast feeding. But breast milk has given baby bad reflux - you could see how uncomfortable it made her, so had to give her gaviscon but that gave her constipation so switched to carabel but that also gave her constipation, so on top of colic she now has terrible constipation, so I’ve had to stop breastfeeding. I feel like my baby won’t be able to tell me apart from other women, like I’ve failed as a mum. I just saw a mum breastfeeding and my heart aches. Anyone have any advise?

OP posts:

hesterton · 04/03/2018 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 04/03/2018 21:28

I feel like my baby won’t be able to tell me apart from other women, like I’ve failed as a mum. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Your baby loves the sound of your voice, the smell of your skin, your face, not just your milk! You have given her the best start by even trying to BF and the fact that you've persevered for 7 hard weeks should make you feel proud. I understand why you feel as you do, but you must know that you haven't failed.

You have years of difficult decisions to make on behalf of your DD and this is one of them, you've had to make the decision because as hard as it is, you know its for the best.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 04/03/2018 21:29

You haven't failed as a mum, you have done you best for your baby given your circumstances.
Could you contact La Leche League or a lactation consultant for support if you want to try again/think you can resolve the reflux?
DS had reflux which greatly reduced when I stopped havig dairy.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/03/2018 21:30

I'm sorry you're so upset. Could it be something you're eating that is causing the colic? Have you tried adjusting your diet to see if it help?

Armadillostoes · 04/03/2018 21:30

Am sure that lots of people with more knowledge and advice will arrive soon, but I didn't want to read and run. You are obviously and utterly devoted mother, determined to do what is best for your little one. Please don't feel bad. It is okay to feel sad, but you are choosing to feed your baby in the way which is best suited to her health needs, which is what any caring mum would do.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/03/2018 21:31

I'm wondering if your baby is sensitive to dairy.

LizzieCorday · 04/03/2018 21:31

Who told you that breast milk caused the reflux? Because it generally doesn't make much difference what method you are feeding, they either have reflux or they don't.

TheFaerieQueene · 04/03/2018 21:33

Breastfeeding isn’t a prerequisite for motherhood. Loving and caring for your child is. You love your baby and are doing the best for her. Enjoy this wonderful time with her and relax.

badgermushroom · 04/03/2018 21:36

You've done so well already. I only made it 2 weeks and that wasn't for want of trying but I tortured myself over it (similar things about thinking she wouldn't know me etc) and ended up with PND. She's 4 months old now, thriving and we have an amazing bond.

Those early weeks are so hard as it is, don't beat yourself up. Focus on the goodness you've already given her and the amazing bond you have.

I had to put all breastfeeding stuff away from me for a while, I hid the breast pump so I wouldn't see it by accident. But now those feelings are a distant memory and I can happily sit alongside friends breastfeeding without feeling sad. You'll feel better soon, just don't underestimate how well you've done X

RavenclawRealist · 04/03/2018 21:37

Your baby loves and adores you! She already knows your smells and sounds and the unconditional love she gets from you! Please don't feel bad! You have done your best and made a difficult choice for yourself in her best interest what more could she want from a mum?

LizzieSiddal · 04/03/2018 21:39

I had to stop at 3 weeks, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel.

If I could change anything about the first year of my DD’s life, it would be to recognise that as long as she was being fed and was healthy, the way she was fed really didn’t matter.x

Ginkypig · 04/03/2018 21:40

Breastfeeding is only best if it is best for the baby and for this baby your baby it's not!

You are a mum and the most important part of that job is to do what is best for your child no matter what the rest of the world say or you feel and your doing that so what does that make you? a brilliant mother

sourpatchkid · 04/03/2018 21:44

I'm still breastfeeding at 15 months.
I'm saying this because it has made absolutely no difference to our relationship. He's no healthier than his peers, no happier, no better bonded. All the babies I know are happy and adore their mums, I'm the only one who breastfed past 6 weeks.

I know it's hard, especially as you'll still be full of hormones which make everything hard, but you're doing nothing wrong at all, don't feel bad x

RainyApril · 04/03/2018 21:45

We're doing something wrong as a society is women struggling to breastfeed end up feeling like this.

You've persevered for two months and are taking medical advice. You are doing everything you can so that your baby thrives, and are obviously devoted.

I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but can assure you that bottle fed babies still bond with and love their mothers; your heartbeat, smell and voice will all be unique and comforting to her.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/03/2018 21:48

You've done so well already.

YY to this. However even if you didn't breast feed at all would not make you the devil. I had absolutely no intentions of BF.
I wanted my body back. I have no qualms whatsoever about admitting that. My body my baby my choice.
There's a lot more to being a good mum than breastfeeding. It doesn't work for everyone. It's not the end of the world.
You gave it your best shot. Like I said I wasn't even prepared to try it.
Please stop being so hard on yourself.

Slanetylor · 04/03/2018 21:48

I had to give up after 3 weeks and felt like such a failure, so ashamed. But then I got busy being a mother and failing at so many other things that I totally forgot about the breast feeding. I look back and think why did I do that to myself, why not be kinder and enjoy holding my baby in my arms and enjoy falling in love. Take care of yourself, you're a good and loving mom. You'll be beating yourself up about baby led weaning/ purées and sleep routines in a few months, so be good to yourself now. Xx

Ishouldntbesolucky · 04/03/2018 21:50

Honestly don't beat yourself up about it.

It's one of those things that seems such a major deal at the time, but in a couple of years when your child is a bit bigger (and you watch them gorge themselves on sweets and cake at birthday parties!), it really doesn't seem it anymore. It's such a small part of their lives.

Of course you're still massively important to your child. How you feed your child doesn't affect their love for you.

ranoutofquinoa · 04/03/2018 21:53

You've done what is best for your baby. That's the best you can do. You can't do anymore. I think you mentioned colic so look into what might help your lo. Get some rest yourself and look after yourself so that you can recharge your batteries.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 04/03/2018 22:00

Please speak to a qualified lactation consultant before assuming that changing to formula will help this situation. ...

bobstersmum · 04/03/2018 22:01

I am bf my 10 month old and I bf ds2 until he was 3 but I did not bf Ds1 and I honestly have no less of a bond or anything in fact he's a little bit more special because he was my first baby (and he's a quirky little thing)
Please do not give yourself a hard time, at the end of the day ask that matters is that your baby is fed!
I will echo what others have said though that bf does not cause reflux.
It is very common for babies to be colicky/refluxy around your baby's age. It does not occur less is formula fed babies. It's just something that comes with babies. You could try cutting dairy out of your diet for a week to see if any improvement but as I've said, it doesn't matter how you feed your baby. Make the right decision for you and enjoy your baby.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/03/2018 22:04

Not helpful Devine. We can't all afford
lactation consultants. . I assume they're not free or cheap. Full apologies if I'm wrong.
Judging by how upset op is. I don't think she'd made this decision lightheartedly.

Baubletrouble43 · 04/03/2018 22:07

I lasted under a week for various reasons with my twins and they both ( although one even moreso) cling to me and won't leave me alone for a moment prefer me to every person in the world so please don't think it will affect your bond. It really really won't x

jessei · 04/03/2018 22:07

You baby just loves you! They know who their mummy is. Please don't be too upset about this. As long as your baby is loved and cared for that is all that matters.

I was formula fed and have such a close bond with my mum and such fond memories of her when I was younger
My dd was breastfed till she was 3, now she's 6 and can't even remember being breast fed!

ReturnfromtheStars · 04/03/2018 22:11

Babyhood passed so soon, feeding types won't matter at all.

But in the meantime (and I'm sure you do this already) what matters is that you hold baby close during feeding in a similar position to breastfeeding to give baby the same experience of closeness.

pointythings · 04/03/2018 22:14

You did 7 weeks. That's great. So now get on with finding a feeding regime hat your baby is comfortable with and enjoy life with her. Cuddles, baths, tickles, talking to her - all those things will be everything to her. You clearly love her so much - how you feed won't matter.

I am one of those people who found bf easy and whose DDs took to it. It's great if it works for you. Not so much if it doesn't.

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