Or are manners just not important anymore?

[issy196]

This is more of a rant than anything.

I received a random message on LinkedIn about a week ago, from a sixth form student saying she was looking at pursuing an almost identical uni and career path as what I did, could I offer her any advice.

I was in a good mood and her message was very polite and friendly, so I took 20 minutes out of my day to write back and explain basically everything. Told her if she had any further questions to just let me know. Now maybe 20 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but I have a job, exams, housework and a bunch of other stuff to do. Would much rather have spent that 20 mins slouching on the sofa than answering a random message.

No reply from her. I know she's been online as she's been adding other people that I went to uni with or worked with. AIBU to be pissed that she couldn't even say thank you? Are our children really so rude nowadays?

I'm not expecting a gold star or some kind of award, but a short thank you message might have been nice! Same happens with presents I find, my parents always taught me to write thank you cards or at least say thank you to the person who gave you a present, in person. I gave a Christmas present to a friend's son last year and never heard anything from either of them. Yet I'm sure they wouldn't have been impressed if I decided not to give him a present that year.

Please someone tell me a nice story about the polite young people in the world to give me some hope for the future!

Lost count of the times I've been shoved into in shops. I voice a loud 'an excuse me would be nice' which is usually met with a blank stare.

I drill being polite into my kids, i tell them constantly manners are free and cost you nothing! The amount of parents are their school always say when they talk to my kids and have them for tea 'i cant believe how good their manners are'

They have realised the more polite they are it works massively in their advantage and only good can come from it

I do think it's rather nice how we all thank each other with a little wave when we give way on the roads. It's just a little thing, but it cheers me every time it happens. Obviously it doesn't always happen, which gives me the rage a bit...but those times stick out all the more for being quite rare. I actually think its my favourite thing about driving!

It’s not just children. I mentioned a type of surgery I’d had on here (medical, not cosmetic) and someone messaged me asking about it for her DH. I sent quite a detailed reply including recommending a doctor and didn’t get so much as a ‘thanks’ back.

I find adults are far worse when it comes to manners than kids tbh. Especially when it comes to manners toward kids. My DD held the door open for me and her Gran at the shopping centre last week and the held it for the next person to take - 5 adults went through without taking the door or a single word of thanks. No doubt if she'd let it go in the face of the person after her that would have been an example of the bad mannered youth of today.

I'm a teacher. The only thing sadder than a child not saying "please" or "thank you" is that when you prompt them with "what do you need to say?", they have no idea what you are talking about.

I used to work on a supermarket checkout when I was at uni. Lost count of the amount of times I'd say "Hello!" and be met with silence. I physically can't ignore a person who says hello to me. Its painful to think about ignoring them! Why would you? How hard is it to give even a one-word response?!

I have always written thank you letters. Was invited to quite an important function a number of years ago and afterwards wrote and thanked the organisers for including me. I was apparently the only one who did, it has never been forgotten by the organisers who were very impressed.

I find older people the worst when it comes to manners. A lot of them come across as entitled and bad mannered. The amount of times I've held the door open to older people with no thank you or any kind of acknowledgement as though they are there to be waited on.

The same happens on buses where they always put their bags on the seat because they are older they think they have some special right to hog two seats!

Was brought up to have good manners, as wer my children, to let people out of a shop, before you go busting in. My really big pet hate is when you let someone ou of a turning etc when driving, they dont say hank you. I read a thing in a book once, said if you are near enough o speak you say "Excuse me you dropped something", they they aske "what" you say "your manners" Was in a Sainsburys caar park, woman opened her door threw out a bag of rubbish she was in the passenger seat, I went over knocked on her door said politely "You dropped this", she went "er no", in a sarcastic tone, and hey drove off. Have seen many instances of people eating/drink in car throwing rubbish out of the window. Agree its not just the young. They arent bad where I live, if you stop at a pedestrian crossing where they have right of way, the tend to wave a thank you,w ich I really apreciate. Two instances only yesterday, went shopping, my DH moved out of the way to let a woman probably 50, pass by, although he didnt have to she looked at him as they he had just commited murder. Walking along the pavement later, 3 woman I would guess 20s, in a row, I had to walk in the mud to get round them,my lovelly DGKs wirte thank you letters.Had the misfortune to go into local Asda (just happened to be nearby, popped in for paper) "served" by older man, didnt say a word, not, hello, didnt push my goods towards me, I had to stretch over and get them, forgot one item, mentioned by lady behind me, I could see it past card machine, went to Customer service, gave his name, interestingly, when I have complained in other shops, the book I filled in requsted my name and contact details, theirs didnt so I suspect nothing was done, went in there with DH last week, exactly the same man exactly the same treatment.

I insist on good manners whether it is adults or children, I used to work with children and would absolutely insist on it. A colleague would never have good manners and it was always ' do this, do that' and in the end I turned round to them and said 'What do you need to say?'

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People who consider themselves the good manners police can sometime be just as rude. I remember when I was about 12 going into a local shop, and as I thought someone was coming in behinds, I left the door open for them (as I was a very well brought up, polite girl ). I noticed the shop assistants giving me filthy looks as I browesed, and then when I wine to pay, they were incredibly nasty, saying sarcastically 'do you know what manners are', saying how incredibly rude I was for not closing the door behind me, and chucking my change back at me. I was mortified and tried to explain I thought someone was coming in behind me, but they just sneered at me. I left the shop in tears (as I said, sensitive, polite girl!), and never went in there again. Felt a quiet glow of satisfaction when it shut down ten years later, though I suppose those girls were long gone. As other PPs have said, not everyone does it on purpose, perhaps there's something going on in their life, and being aggressive back is not always the best tactic to use.

An elderly man barged past me in Boots and knocked me flying, he never even looked back, a young receptionist at the local doctors is very ignorant and arrogant, she puts the phone down without saying bye and tried to tell me that I wasn't even registered at the surgery.

I am surprised how many people approach me for career help etc and , as with your experience, are either rude or at best gauche.

It's not good business sense - good manners allow you to have positive interactions that make people want to support you /your project/whatever. Those positive connections add up and they do mean something in business - people want to do business with people who are easy to work with.

I'm afraid I don't write thank you letters.

I am a firm believer that manners need to be taught from an early age and instilled. I can't speak for other parents but my two DCs are taught to say please and thank you, and also to make eye contact with the person when they say it. They are taught to offer their seats for elderly people and to hold doors open. Thank you notes are sent out in the form of drawings.

I'm setting my kids up for life. Charm can change the world. That's my motto. I've seen my children do a couple of polite and kind things unprompted and I was really proud of them.