Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you wouldn’t judge someone for their size?

55 replies

Lovey46 · 04/03/2018 18:13

So I was sitting with a friend in costa having lunch when she pointed out that the barista who served us was rather large, I honestly hadn’t noticed- she was polite and friendly and made me a nice coffee. Yes she was overweight but so am I and I would have thought that by now people would look past things like that. This woman isn’t really a friend my dd likes her ds so we meet up sometimes so the kids can play, I did ask her Why it mattered to her that this lady was overweight and she just said she thinks fat people shouldn’t do certain jobs as it is off putting🙄 I didn’t really say anything else as I don’t know her that well. I didn’t dare tell her that I was a personal trainer who had seriously let myself go since having dd or that I was hoping to return to work this year and now she’s got me worried people will judge me!! Anyway after what she said I’m not sure I want to be around her anymore, my dh thinks I am overreacting a bit. What do you think?

OP posts:
rascallyrascal · 04/03/2018 19:14

I would be delighted to have a personal trainer who had a bit of mum weight. It makes you so much more relatable! Don't worry about it.

Afternooncatnap · 04/03/2018 19:14

I don't care if people are fat but still neat, tidy, clean. But if someone was fat and also gross and slobby then yes it would put me off my coffee and I wouldn't want them serving me. But then that applies for thin slobby people.

It wouldn't bother me someone teaching a class that was a bit over weight, as long as they still taught the class properly. It would annoy me if the teacher couldn't keep up with their own fitness regime though, fat or thin.

MummysBusy · 04/03/2018 19:14

From personal experience I think people are very happy to do this type of thing. Fatism is the last 'ism' that's widely considered acceptable. As a fat women I can deal with people like your acquaintance, Op, they keep it to themselves at least. It's the ones that openly laugh and point that really bother me. I had two men in their early 20s taking pictures of my 'back fat' as I stood in a queue just the other weekend. They thought it was hilarious. Funnily enough this stuff only happens when I'm not with my Oh,but that's a different rant!

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/03/2018 19:16

People are always judged for their weight... though I would imagine an overweight personal trainer would be judged far more harshly than an overweight barista.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2018 19:18

Shades of grey here. How overweight was the barista, personally I wouldn't notice and would hate her comment and would have told her so, but if we were talking extremely morbidly obese I may have done a double take, but if she was just overweight, I'd have thought your friend was strange.

In terms of a personal trainer though I'd not be sure. I'd want one who was fit and lived by what they taught. I think I'd worry about how effective they were if they themselves were clearly over weight. I think having a jobin fitness is very different to a barista. The first I would expect to be fit. The second I wouldn't care.

Lethaldrizzle · 04/03/2018 19:19

'Fatism' isn't exactly the same as racism or sexism is it

Sparklesocks · 04/03/2018 19:19

To be honest she sounds like she has issues around weight and body image and is projecting that onto other innocent people. Don’t drag everyone else into your insecurities, love!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 04/03/2018 19:20

I think it's maybe a bit naive to think an exercise class won't be bothered by on overweight instructor. I'd certainly wonder how it was ever going to help me if even the instructor couldn't maintain a healthy weight, despite (presumably) doing more classes than me a week

Me too, I'd find a new class.

Helpimfalling · 04/03/2018 19:22

Oh @DeathStare oh dear

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/03/2018 19:25

Horrible to hear of people being openly snarked at for their weight Angry Anyone who’s ever judged me for being fat has never dared say it to my face Grin I’m not sure what that says about me, maybe I’m scary? I am certainly very confident. If anyone mocked me for being fat I would honestly laugh in their face.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 04/03/2018 19:27

I personally would judge an overweight personal trainer.

This is politician Maggie deBlock, the Belgian Minister for Health. I have a feeling she's more of a "Do as I say, not as I do" type of woman.

To think you wouldn’t judge someone for their size?
KnitFastDieWarm · 04/03/2018 19:30

Fair point @notasinglefuck, I don’t think I’d be able to take someone of that size seriously when discussing health - but equally I wouldn’t think any less of them as a person, I’d just thing they might not be qualified to advise on that subject. But why the hell a barista being fat is any bearing on their job, I’ve no idea - OP’s friend just sounds like a dick.

Playdohnut · 04/03/2018 19:35

Maggie DeBlock is the most popular politician in her country. Is Jeremy Hunt a better Health Minister because of his BMI?

saoirse31 · 04/03/2018 19:40

She's battled obesity all her life per wikipedia.

You wouldn't take her seriously cos she's obese... What a stupid person you are. I'm judging you on basis of what you said.

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/03/2018 19:47

@saoirse31 as I said, I’m fat myself. I wouldn’t take myself seriously as a health minister either.

redexpat · 04/03/2018 19:49

You should follow Sopgie Hagen on twitter and facebook. Everytime sje posts several people just tell her that she is fat and obesity will kill her. I saw her show the other night and she said that 30% of nurses dont want to treat fat people. So yes plenty of people judge others on their size.

saoirse31 · 04/03/2018 19:49

Obviously I don't really think you're stupid , because I wouldn't judge someone on one comment and esp when I know nothing about them. Equally how is it in any way sensible to judge someone's ability based on their size. Doesn't make any sense to me.

CeeCeeMacFay · 04/03/2018 19:55

Honestly I would be put off by an overweight gym instructor and I wouldn’t sign up with an overweight personal trainer. I want someone to inspire me and motivate me. I have been a lot bigger and have struggled with my weight as well as having disordered eating and when at my fittest had a personal trainer. I needed someone I could be accountable to, someone fit and healthy and to me that means someone in a healthy weight range.

Commuterface · 04/03/2018 20:17

My sister is terrible for it. Literally rips one of her friends to shreds behind her back saying she's too big to wear certain dresses.

Your sister is a cunt

iheartmichellemallon · 04/03/2018 20:22

I think that sadly the judgement exists but thankfully most people keep it to themselves. If I were with someone who outwardly judged, I would tell them what I thought of them & wouldn't be in their company again (assuming I had a choice in that).

Re a personal trainer who was heavier due to having a baby - I'd be grateful that they understood & happy with them as I'd assume they wouldn't judge me.

I do think morbidly obese is a different matter though - hard to imagine a personal trainer that size being taken seriously as you expect them to practise what they preach to a certain extent.

Pixelpuffin · 04/03/2018 20:56

Controversial topic as expected
I'm overweight and so is my partner. Neither of us has said anything to each other. I'd guess I'm 2 stone over same for my partner.
The only reason I'm saying this is because a friend who I had not seen for over a year made a surprise visit last night. He had clearly lost weight since we last saw each other and after he left both me and my partner began talking about the weight issue.
A lot was said in honesty and although it's not nice to hear its a wake up call we both needed to hear.

I cannot think of a single thing good about being overweight apart from the fact it tastes nice going in and is a whole lot easier to scoff something instant and delicious than to prepare proper food and more importantly in correct portion sizes.

Today has been the first day of sensible eating, We have both agreed to have pub grub next pay day and willpower prevailing the following payday there after.

The real problem I think is that food is just too accessible here in the UK. A bar of chocolate from the newsagents costs almost as much as the same brand multipack at the supermarkets, so you end up buying the multipacks and of course eating scoffing it as soon as hunger prangs begin.

I'm quietly confident we'll both lose the excess.

mynameisLuca · 04/03/2018 21:12

i wouldn't generally judge anyone on their size, but sometimes its understandable. I have to admit to maybe raising an internal eyebrow at a properly overweight fitness instructor. Not in a "theres something wrong with you" way but in a "do I trust you to advise me on how to do something you haven't done for yourself" way. A bit like a driving instructor who couldn't parallell park.
Never out loud though.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2018 21:20

Re a personal trainer who was heavier due to having a baby

I think for me that would depend on how old the baby was. But to be completely honest I wouldn't expect a fitness instructor to put on a lot of excess weight during pregnancy unless they had been ill.

I do think I'd struggle to take their advice if they themselves couldn't do it or looked like it didn't work. I'd also struggle to follow a class with someone barking out orders who looked like they couldn't do the exercises themselves.

I do think fitness is a whole different ballgame when it comes to being overweight.

Barista, no, I can't see thr relevance, but if your job is fitness I think you need to walk the walk.

Niceandwarmandhot · 04/03/2018 21:22

She sounds awful. But sadly stats and studies show that being overweight really does impact on your career (esp for women, it seems Hmm). There is an assumption of laziness and not caring Angry

moneyish.com/ish/only-15-of-hiring-managers-would-consider-hiring-an-overweight-woman/

RitasEducation · 06/03/2018 09:52

I would never judge anyone for their weight. I do not have a car I walk lots and I am slim.

Others feel it's appropriate to comment on my weigh. I don't care what weigh anyone else is though in the case of healthcare it can be an issue.

I had a midwife visiting when DS1 was born after she weighed him she could not get herself up off the floor. I was not judging her but I did feel embarrassed for her as my body was aching I couldn't lift her much.