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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confiscate DD1s Hair straighteners and curling tongs?

35 replies

FlamingGalar · 04/03/2018 14:18

I bought my DD1 (14) some hair straighteners for christmas, with a heat proof pad to avoid scorch mark disasters. She was also given some curling tongs for her birthday a few weeks later.

First thing I said to her before she used her straighteners was that she must rest them on the heat proof pad when she is using them as they will very quickly leave scorch marks on the surface otherwise. She does her hair sitting on the carpet in front of a mirror so the surface she is putting them down on is her carpet.

Needless to say she bloody burned the carpet with the tongs! I was pissed off about it and told her if it happened again they would be taken away from her. She has form for damaging her (fairly new) carpet - nail polish, makeup spillages etc. Each time we have had a conversation about respecting the home and taking responsibility for her own space (which we spent hours redecorating for her last year). It all sinks in for a couple of weeks then it just goes to pot again.

After finding another scorch mark on her carpet yesterday I've taken her much loved heated styling tools away and as far as I'm concerned she can only use them supervised now.

When I was a teenager my room was an absolute dump (far worse than hers is to be honest) and frankly I didn't give a shit about looking after my carpet or my walls etc. In fact I painted union jacks all over my vintage fireplace tiles, but my mum just wasn't worried about it and put it down to normal teenage behaviour.

As far as I'm concerned my sanctions are entirely reasonable but my dh thinks I am too harsh on my dd and should accept that teenagers pull these sorts of stunts and relax a bit. Clearly my mum had a more lenient approach to this sort of behaviour too.

I'd be interested to hear the thought of the mumsnet jury. Should I just unclench a bit and readjust my expectations around this sort of behaviour? Quite honestly I'm sick to the back teeth of being the wicked witch of the west while the sun shines out of my dhs arse as far as dd1 is concerned (thats a whole other thread though!).

OP posts:
Beamur · 04/03/2018 14:32

Whilst I agree with you, I fear you're on a hiding to nothing.
My DSD was like this, nail varnish spilt on duvet etc. So, I didn't replace anything she damaged - I kept using the same covers etc, they'd be regularly washed so were clean, but I wouldn't replace them simply because they were marked.
She isn't doing this to annoy you, it is just carelessness. Maybe a few stints of removal will help, maybe not!

BackforGood · 04/03/2018 14:46

I think with the spills, etc, your dh is right. It is part and parcel of growing up. i wouldn't replace the carpet, or quilt cover or whatever, but I wouldn't get too stressed about it.
However I think the straighteners (and presumably the curlers if they get hot ?) are different as there is the potential for setting the carpet on fire, and that could lead to the bedroom and whole house. I think you are right to only let her use them under supervision as she's proven she can't be trusted.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/03/2018 14:52

Do break her of that habit!

I've just done a check out in a lovely house. It was all pristine, no problems with 1 exception, scorch marks in the real wood, 150 year old floorboards. A lot of them across a 2ft square area.

The young lady who had done them looked at me in utter shock when I said that this would probably cost her a fair amount of her deposit! Totally unaware that anyone would find her GHD marks a problem.

It isn't an accident, it is deliberate "can't be arsed" damage!

Original poster
FlamingGalar · 04/03/2018 14:53

Yes I fear you are probably right!

I take this stance on not replacing anything thats damaged too, although we are thinking about putting the house on the market in the next year so the damage to the carpet is particularly infuriating. The carpet is fairly new and the marks are just as you walk in to the room. Bloody annoying, but can't be changed now we have to just suck it up!

I understand that she's not doing it on purpose to annoy me but it is bloody annoying!! I could do with being a bit more zen around these situations.

OP posts:
EsmeMargaretNoteSpelling · 04/03/2018 14:59

I would be cross as well especially as you have had the discussion about respecting property and have supplied her with a heat mat.
However I would be more worried about her setting fire to her room and for that reason alone she wouldn’t get them back unless supervised.

Original poster
FlamingGalar · 04/03/2018 15:06

backfor Yes the safety aspect is a huge concern for me. Both of the hair stylers have an automatic cut off but that doesn't completely reassure me that they won't cause a fire if left. DD1 will hate having to be under supervision but needs must for now.

curious that's a bloody tragedy - and so simple to prevent. This is what drives me so crazy about it.

Thank you for all of your replies.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 04/03/2018 15:09

No you aren't being mean, she's being lazy by not putting the mat next to her on the floor! It doesn't take that much effort. I would never have done something so silly as a teenager.

It isn't as though you're saying she can't have them, just that she needs supervision because she clearly can't be trusted.

Allthewaves · 04/03/2018 15:20

Simple. Get her to use them downstairs. I do mine in the hall now as i rest them of the top of the radiator also make sure me unplug them and pop them in kitchen ontop of a mat to cool.

MarSeeAh · 04/03/2018 15:22

Beyond the annoyance factor, and that's not insignificant! - there's a very real and serious fire risk here! For that reason, I'd take them off her.

MarSeeAh · 04/03/2018 15:25

www.itv.com/news/meridian/update/2016-03-04/warning-over-fires-caused-by-hair-straighteners/

Show her this, and let her have a google herself to see the consequences of a house fire caused by straighteners left on, or in the wrong place.

IslingtonLou · 04/03/2018 15:25

The thing is, these things happen from time to time with that sort of set up. You could get her a dressing table/vanity so she can sit and get ready there rather than on the floor. Lowers the chance of carpet burns/makeup spillages. Or tell her that her straighteners can only be used in a certain room, like an uncarpeted one preferably.

I would be most concerned with the way that she forgets to turn them off rather than the burns. All it takes is the straighteners to be resting on its own cable, or on a hair brush, or something falling and resting near the plates for a disaster. She needs to be more conscious for herself, what if she forgets that they’re on and steps on them accidentally. Hair straighteners don’t take long to turn on, so it’s not really an inconvenience to turn them off prematurely

When I was her age I had a carpet and when I redecorated I went for a nice white oak laminate floor. Much easier to keep pristine.

HidingFromTheWorld · 04/03/2018 15:25

I bought DD a styling station from Lakeland. It holds straighteners, curling iron and hairdryer while still hot and is brilliant.

It has saved the day in terms of the amount of nagging about minding the carpet, cabinet top, etc, etc.

Everything stays in there permanently now. And it can be wall mounted.

This is a smaller version of the one we’ve got:

www.lakeland.co.uk/24158/Mini-Style-Station-

alltoomuchrightnow · 04/03/2018 15:27

My friend has neighbours two doors up and that house is now evacuated as the top of it is burnt out due to the daughter's straighteners

Peanutbuttercups21 · 04/03/2018 15:27

It is a massive fire risk

I'd say, pointing at the scorch marks, that she is clearly not mature and responsible enough for straighteners and pack them away for 6 months.

One of my friend's DDs accidentally set fire to her room with straighteners, luckily the house did not burn down.

I am saying this as a mum of teens!

Mabelface · 04/03/2018 15:33

I did it, and yes, my daughter did learn not to do it.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2018 15:33

Has she a dressing table? We use glass table mats to put straighteners on.

And I'd be livid

MrsGrindah · 04/03/2018 15:34

I’d be very disappointed that at her age she doesn’t appreciate the time effort love and money you use have put into making her room nice . Also she’s lucky to have straighteners etc and needs to,learn the value of things more. Stick to your guns op.

BeyondThePage · 04/03/2018 15:35

a friend of mine's DD scorched her carpet so badly you could smell it when you went in the door - her DH made a shelf with a wall tile inlaid in it to put on the wall in front of the mirror, got him to do one for us too for the price of a few beers - best money spent!

JennyHolzersGhost · 04/03/2018 15:38

Nail polish etc is annoying but straighteners can be dangerous. If she can’t be trusted to use them unsupervised then I think you’re very reasonable to remove them til she’s more mature about it.

speakout · 04/03/2018 15:39

Again I would put up with it. In the great scheme of things it's no big deal. In a few years she will have her own place/ university.
We moved to a new house recently ( my DD was 15) and I allowed her to choose her bedroom carpet on the understanding that this was her" teenage carpet" until University.
She chose a white carpet.
Two years on it has lots of stains, nail varnish etc. But I had written it off two years ago.

I would just chill OP. Forget the carpet- it's your DD that has to live with it. Shut the door.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/03/2018 15:43

They are such a big fire risk that I wouldn’t let her use them in her room. She can use them in an open communal space where you will be able to see if she’s left them on or put them on something unsuitable.

My goddaughter brings hers when she stays and I hate it because, despite me giving her a heat proof mat, she puts them on the bed/carpet and I’m worried she’s going to burn the place down, but she’s an adult so I can’t confiscate them. I just check them when I’m home and keep my fingers crossed.

With the carpet, if it’s not twisted, you can actually cut away quite a bit of it with nail scissors before you’d notice a difference. However, if she’s ruined it in other places it might be just as well to resign yourself to replacing the carpet in her room if you put it on the market.

Mugglenet · 04/03/2018 15:45

Speaking from experience
...My straighteners were removed from me when I left them on as a punishment... I soon learnt my lesson. Best thing my parents done and i learnt to look after things.

ginch · 04/03/2018 15:49

Never mind teenagers, I was always scorching stuff with my straighteners. I bought a cheap bendy silicone loaf tin 3 years ago and that's where my straighteners live at all times. No problems since.

Idontevencareanymore · 04/03/2018 15:51

It's a massive fire risk. She's ignoring that so she shouldn't be allowed them unsupervised.

GU24Mum · 04/03/2018 15:52

My DD is a similar age - and hers have been similarly confiscated. She (like many others but still annoying) simply can't be bothered to be careful. If you confiscate them that's no guarantee she'll learn a lesson but if you don't, she definitely won't short of causing a house fire and you clearly don't want her to learn that way.

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