Late birthday present and now cut off?

[oxcat1]

During halfterm, my DDad celebrated a milestone birthday. He was away from two weeks before his birthday until two weeks after, celebrating abroad.

I have a present for him - something that I have made - but as I knew that it would not fit through the letterbox, I delayed posting it until after I knew he was back in the UK.

However, I have now been totally cutoff by my dad and my stepmum, who say that he is devastated and hugely hurt by me ignoring his birthday. I did, in fact, send an email before he left, hoping he had a good time, and then a text on the actual day wishing him a happy birthday, but his gripe is that I had not organised my present to arrive with him before he went away.

So that I don't drip feed, he was actually on holiday with all my siblings (and their families) throughout half-term. He took them all away to celebrate his birthday, but I was excluded: ostensibly because I would have been unable to participate in the physical activity involved (I use a wheelchair), but when questioned more closely, confessed it was because he and my stepmum didn't want to spend the time with me, as they thought I would argue and spoil his birthday.

I don't think I have been unreasonable: I sent a text on the day and had the present ready to send as soon as he got back. He is refusing to communicate with me at all because of how hurt he is, so I only know about this through my brother, who was there.

Surely there are no 'rules' about sending gifts if somebody is going to be away for the actual day? Plus I am sure he would have told me when I was a child that a present was a gift, not something to be demanded?

Am I being unreasonable and uncaring? And if not, what can I email that will maintain my dignity, whilst also trying to imply that I think he is being ridiculous?

I only have time to skim through the thread and can't believe how immature,discriminatory and cruel your family have been.

I would be tempted to send the present with a letter that says something along the lines of
I'm sorry that you feel this way. As you can see by the thought and effort I have put into your personalised gift, I was far from forgetting your birthday. I was thinking of you on the day and text you to wish you well even though I felt thoroughly hurt and excluded. I do feel you are being a little unfair to keep harping back to things that I said when I was a grieving teenager. I'm really happy you have been able to find someone to share your life with.

I agree with what Dobby said - you are being set up to fail. How can you win?

Your Father seems to have a total lack of sensitivity. Moving another woman in weeks after burying your mother and disregarding your grieving. His rejection of you in later life - I personally wouldn't bother. He sounds churlish and cold. How is your relationship with your brother? Could you downgrade your relationship with your Father, and spend more time with your brother

I dont speak to my dad (He's selfish and promises the earth, but fails to deliver) My DB has no contact with him either. I'd still be NC even if my mum wasnt around, because he brings nothing to my life.

What does you dad bring to your life that you cant live without? Are you clinging onto the notion of loving parent in hope one day you'll have one?

He excludes you from family events, cuts you off for minor offences, forced his new woman on you, weeks after your DM died.

Get some dignity, love yourself and let him go.

YANBU.
I am speechless at the other shit you are having to deal with. All the best

He’s cut you off?? I’d be taking my lead from that and leaving him to it.

How about a letter along the lines of

Df please accept this birthday gift. I would have loved to have gifted it on your birthday but you decided to exclude me on the grounds of my grief and disability. If it isn’t an adequate gift please feel free to insert it firmly in your arse and go fuck yourself.

May need some editing. But he’s a shit parent. And you deserve better

How many siblings do you have OP?

Really feel for you op. They’ve done the classic narcissistic parental trick of knowing deep down they’re in the wrong but attempting to paint you as the bad guy so they don’t have to take any responsibility for how badly they’ve treated you. Sorry haven’t read whole thread but I’m sure this is no doubt the latest in a long history of emotionally manipulative stuff? You sound lovely and they don’t deserve you