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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Woman at work only interested in herself

70 replies

Birdscape · 04/03/2018 09:52

There's a woman at work who, although she is very nice is very self absorbed. She never asks anything about anyone else's life - in face I have worked with her for 4 years now and she only found out six months ago how many children I have. She never says have a nice weekend, asks what you did or queries anything about anyone's life. We all know every aspect of her own life and get shown constant pictures. Anyone else work with someone like this? It doesn't really bother me to be honest and I still show an interest in what she's up to because I think it's rude not to.

OP posts:

Original poster

Birdscape · 04/03/2018 15:33

Eltonjohnssyrup I certainly don't hold back and do talk about my life outside of work - she really just isn't interested and will steer the conversation back round to her life.

OP posts:

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 04/03/2018 15:37

I'm not self absorbed but it doesn't come naturally to me to ask those questions, I've only just learnt to ask them in response to someone asking me. I think I may have ASC.

The80sweregreat · 04/03/2018 16:11

Bird, if she does the 'turn it back to me' thing there's really no hope! They will never change and get worse. They are hard work.

mynameisLuca · 04/03/2018 16:14

Some people have poor social skills.
some people just really don't care about you or your weekend, and are not obliged to.
Why do you care? Unless you have a particular need to make sure everyone you work with cares about where you went Sat night, what could it possibly matter to you?

The80sweregreat · 04/03/2018 16:19

Luca, it's just draining when people are totally disinterested in anything apart from themselves and their family . I understand what your saying, but the op is obviously just fed up with it and wanted a rant!
Lots of people are around the same though. They are unaware they are like it I think. Or they just don't care.

mynameisLuca · 04/03/2018 16:20

Not unless you let it be. Disengage. They aren't interested in you, and in all honesty you're not actually interested in them, you're just more polite. So stop bothering and there is no issue.

Bramble71 · 04/03/2018 16:20

I must admit I feel awkward asking people too many questions about their lives. I don't want to come across as nosy or prying.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 04/03/2018 16:22

When I was at university I lived with a friend from back home. When she came home we had a soliloquy about her day. She never once asked about my studies, when my exams were how my final dissertation was going.

I have another friend and I knew her feeding regime how many Poos her children had per day, I found out my child had to have an mri scan for epilepsy and I was worried. She basically blanked me when I tried to tell her.

The80sweregreat · 04/03/2018 16:26

There's a character in the sit com 'mum' ( Kelly) who is the exact sort I try to avoid - if I can.
Tom, you need to try to drop that friend! I know it's hard but it will never get any better! To blank you over your own worries for your child is really not on. It's cruel.

AfterSchoolWorry · 04/03/2018 16:40

wrenika well unless she hasn't been diagnosed I am pretty certain she is not on the autism spectrum

Very possible that's she's not diagnosed. It's only in the last decade that scientists have realised that autism presents differently in females.

Therefore it has been very much under diagnosed, especially in middle aged and older women.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 04/03/2018 17:56

The80sweregreat
Friend completely dropped now. I am quite a laid back type so will listen and quite happy to do so. However this did rather take the biscuit.

InHibernationTilISummer · 04/03/2018 18:01

There's one of these in my office too...or maybe we work in the same office!

The80sweregreat · 04/03/2018 19:18

Tom, good! You don't need them in your life.
I hope your child is ok by the way.

whirlygirly · 04/03/2018 21:03

We have one of these. I'm convinced she's on the spectrum. I've interviewed with her before and she dominates interviews by talking about her particular and very niche interests. You can see interviewees thinking wtf..

She's more senior than me but so lacking in social skills and emotional intelligence it's painful.

RainyApril · 04/03/2018 21:21

This is interesting because I think I might do that. I was brought up to be seen and not heard, to know my place and that prying was the height of rudeness. I don't ask questions because I think 'they'll tell me if they want me to know'.

I'd rather not talk about myself either but do answer questions or rattle on when nervous.

I'll try harder. I'd hate people to think I didn't care about them.

The80sweregreat · 05/03/2018 09:30

rainy, i think we are discussing people here who just go on about themselves all the time. There is a skill to asking questions and taking an interest in others without being nosy or whatever as well. its not always easy to do - it sounds as if you dont go on about about yourself all the time - people will pick up on that fact - its the ones that are ' dripping taps' that think that every minute of their day is as interesting to others as it is to them, but not just that day, what happened last month or last year in minute detail! there is a difference - the self absorbed are easy to spot, their eyes glaze over the minute you say anything at all and they ' turn it all back to them' all the time without listening to a word you say at all, make sure its all about them. I do agree though, if someone asks constant questions , that could come across as being rude as well - depends on who your talking to - it is a mine field!

whirlygirly · 05/03/2018 21:36

Example of this in practice - had to tell her that I couldn't attend a meeting - confided I was taking emergency leave due to a serious health issue with a close family member. She immediately burst into tears, told me at length about someone in her partners family who'd had the same thing and then hasn't asked me about it since.

Chickenpie9 · 05/03/2018 22:14

Someone who previously worked with me was only capable of monologues the simplest prompt could always start her off either on her previous job , her holiday or her pet . If anyone tried to change subject she would bulldoze over them back to her . The thing is this woman is very popular and well liked and I have never understood why because she has no interest in other people except how she can bring their experiences back to hers . Another person I currently work with does the whole describing their weekend in great detail usually with a lot of virtue signalling going on e.g when I was just after buying a homeless guy his dinner and yet I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone actually respond to this .

The80sweregreat · 06/03/2018 09:46

Chicken - ‘bulldozer people’ yes! A new breed.

NeverTwerkNaked · 06/03/2018 10:20

I know someone like this. I had to sit through all of my sons swimming lessons hearing how amazing she was and how amazing her child was and every detail of their life. She wasn’t autistic (my DSD and DP are). Just a total narcissist. I found it annoying to begin with but then I just started to find it hilarious

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