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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does my family not value my things

54 replies

justilou1 · 04/03/2018 02:20

This week my daughter dropped my only decent frying pan. It has a massive ding in the side and now I can't put a lid on it. Her reaction was a shrug and a rather bland "Sorry..."

My husband pulled all the washing apart to wash his own stuff and left me with a stinking pile of fest to deal with. Then I found my (20 year old) merino wool jumper in the dryer with his clothes. Now only suitable for Barbie dolls, at a guess.

My daughter borrowed my hair straightener (the same daughter) and when I wanted to do my hair this morning she said "Oh, it doesn't work... I meant to tell you." She had put it in the bin hoping I wouldn't notice. It was a cheapie from the drugstore that I've had for about eight years, but I know it worked because she had stick straight hair.

My son was looking in the basket by the door for his shoes. He left my (ancient, stinking) Nikes out for the dog. Now I have no sneakers.

I just spent a fortune on jeans at Uniqlo for my younger daughter and told her to leave the tags on them, then try them on - so I could return them if they didn't fit. They are way too big. The tags are all off.

I am sick of spending my money on these idiots and getting nothing back. I haven't had a Christmas or birthday present in years and I'm pulling the plug now. I am booked in for laser on my face and botox next week and today instead of buying a new barbecue griddle for my husband, I am going to throw out ALL the shitty frying pans and buy a decent frying pan set and some bloody GHD's. I am not going to feel even slightly guilty, either.

OP posts:
IntelligentYetIndecisive · 04/03/2018 02:30

Get a lockable cupboard.

highinthesky · 04/03/2018 02:34

Good for you OP.

What is not so good is harbouring resentment. It's time to let them know tha DM is not a mug.

Shadow666 · 04/03/2018 02:51

Good on you! Look after yourself. They are old enough to take care of themselves.

highinthesky · 04/03/2018 02:55

Get a lockable cupboard.

Your hone should be your cupboard, get new locks on the door.

squoosh · 04/03/2018 03:02

I know it's not the point of your thread but when did 'drugstore' become a thing? Presuming you're British that is. If you're from Iowa please ignore me.

Getting back to the point of your thread, it seems like a general carelessness. I agree with a pp, tell them you're pissed off. Better to draw their attention to it and give them the chance to change their ways than seethe in silence.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/03/2018 03:03

It’s nice you are taking care of yourself, but I think some of the above is a little overdramatic. The frying pan was an accident. Did you expect her to cry about it? She said sorry. What’s done is done, time to move on. I can’t stand when people sit around catastrophising about something that happened and is over.

squoosh · 04/03/2018 03:03

And sneakers! Drugstore and sneakers. Tell me you're American!

Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 03:04

Squoosh - Neither British or American. I debated the choice when I was writing. We say "Chemist" or "Pharmacy" in Australia, but not sure what suited most.

OP posts:
Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 03:05

But we do say sneakers - or in some states, Runners.

OP posts:
squoosh · 04/03/2018 03:05

I haven't had a Christmas or birthday present in years

Sorry but I have just noticed this! No one has bought you a birthday or xmas gift in years?! That is fucked up.

squoosh · 04/03/2018 03:06

Ignore me and my drugstore/sneaker nonsense. I feel sad for you. You deserve gifts!

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 04/03/2018 03:08

Nice derail there, squoosh. Hmm

YADNBU, OP. Good for you.

If you buy yourself nice things, be prepared to look after them, though.

If they see you don't value yourself or your things, they won't either.

Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 03:08

Iwasjustabout - If it was just an accident, I'd get it. She was dicking around with it while emptying the dishwasher - think the actions of a kid who knows she'd get in trouble if she was having a tantrum when asked to contribute to the family, but was making it clear by slamming things together and jamming things in the wrong spots that she was not thrilled to be helping out. (I wasn't dramatic about it - I took her iPad for a week.). It wasn't that the thing was dented - it was the total lack of giving shit about it that pissed me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 03:08

Also - From now on, with MY things, there will be no borrowing.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2018 03:10

squoosh
Op also said hair straightener (minus ‘s’j, sneakers, the tags are all off etc. That’s not British English.

Well done justilou. Can you not get your children to pay for these things? Or at least contribute. They would have more respect if it hurt the pocket, wouldn’t they? For a start off the jeans don’t fit, tough, your dd will have to grow into them now.

cafenoirbiscuit · 04/03/2018 04:08

Nobody in our house looks after the baking trays and they’re gross. I was sick of replacing them all the time so I have my own set now. Hidden away, just for meeeeee 😊, and after a year and lots of use, they’re still immaculate.
Get your own things and hide em.

PositiveVibes18 · 04/03/2018 04:37

You have such ungrateful people around you. Hide things and tell them they can't use them any more.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 04/03/2018 04:47

You can't make people feel what you like. So you can't make them care or make them happy or make them want certain things. My mother wanted me to want to clean and do it happily. That's not realistic.

You can expect minimal behaviour. The price of living in my house is chores. You can be grumpy about it but it's done. Properly. In the right place and without drama.

So the shoes are either back in the hamper. Or DS pays for replacements. The dishwasher is done without breakages or DD works out how to repair or replace the pan. Just like anyone else would have to.

They don't have to Mary Poppins that shit but it has to be done.

Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 05:12

Thanks ladies - I was kind of just venting. There are consequences for their actions, and I have worked out that screen time hits them where it hurts. Chores are going to be allocated a screen time value and they are going to earn it from me. If I have to buy a bloody safe to keep devices (and ghd) in, I will!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2018 05:28

No you really shouldn’t have to buy a safe. I know that’s just venting btw. How old are they?

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 04/03/2018 05:42

This is shit! Why don't you get Xmas/birthday gifts? Do you have a dp/dh? Does your birthday literally just go unnoticed, does everyone open gifts on Xmas morn apart from you? It sounds as though you've been severely unappreciated for a long time.

How old are your dc?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2018 06:31

Sounds fucking awful, justilou. I like your new attitude though - yes, fuck 'em all and buy nice stuff for you instead.

My DH buys me a decent gift about once every 5 years, and I never know when it's going to happen, so I buy my own birthday and Christmas presents now. Sometimes I even buy him one Wink because I'd feel too guilty if he had nothing! although they're not always wonderful gifts - DVDs or a duvet set, for e.g.! But he seems happy enough with them. His father was shit at gift-giving, and his mother's a doormat type, so they were never brought up in the habit of buying considerate gifts - not much of an excuse, but him and his brother cling to it. Hmm I don't think his mother had had a Mothers day present ever before I came along!

Maybe time for you to stop doing so much for them as well if they're so selfish and unappreciative - let them find out what it actually means to live in a house and do the work - I see you've already started this with "chores = added screen time" so that's brilliant. Make sure you get them doing all the chores, not just the easy ones! Grin

flumpybear · 04/03/2018 06:40

Yep you're doing the right thing

Your DD who took the tags off should keep the jeans til they fit but no other replacements or buy some crappy thrift shop or Walmart ones so she learns a lesson

flumpybear · 04/03/2018 06:41

Or is it K- mart in Australia? My mum used to live there but don't recall - anyway you know what I mean, cheap nasty ones

Original poster
justilou1 · 04/03/2018 06:54

Actually, Flumpy - it WAS from K-Mart. It always was a shit one - catching my hair and the plates would sometimes slip past each other instead of meeting together!

OP posts: