AIBU or does my family not value my things

[justilou1]

This week my daughter dropped my only decent frying pan. It has a massive ding in the side and now I can't put a lid on it. Her reaction was a shrug and a rather bland "Sorry..."

My husband pulled all the washing apart to wash his own stuff and left me with a stinking pile of fest to deal with. Then I found my (20 year old) merino wool jumper in the dryer with his clothes. Now only suitable for Barbie dolls, at a guess.

My daughter borrowed my hair straightener (the same daughter) and when I wanted to do my hair this morning she said "Oh, it doesn't work... I meant to tell you." She had put it in the bin hoping I wouldn't notice. It was a cheapie from the drugstore that I've had for about eight years, but I know it worked because she had stick straight hair.

My son was looking in the basket by the door for his shoes. He left my (ancient, stinking) Nikes out for the dog. Now I have no sneakers.

I just spent a fortune on jeans at Uniqlo for my younger daughter and told her to leave the tags on them, then try them on - so I could return them if they didn't fit. They are way too big. The tags are all off.

I am sick of spending my money on these idiots and getting nothing back. I haven't had a Christmas or birthday present in years and I'm pulling the plug now. I am booked in for laser on my face and botox next week and today instead of buying a new barbecue griddle for my husband, I am going to throw out ALL the shitty frying pans and buy a decent frying pan set and some bloody GHD's. I am not going to feel even slightly guilty, either.

Yeah, we don't have Walmart over here (yet) but do have Target and K-Mart!

Why do they all treat you like crap?

squoosh you know by now that not everyone on MN is British! Who cares? 😉

justilou either chemist or pharmacy works in Britain. 😆

I expect this is quite a common experience for mums. I would have a serious talk with your husband first, then the kids as a united front, about how you're not there to serve them and your stuff is not default common property. Also, why aren't you getting Christmas and birthday presents? Make sure your kids know that women in general and you in particular are valuable in their own right, not just as a wife and mum (you sound like a lovely wife and mum btw!)

If you've got receipts for the Uniqlo stuff, you should be able to replace it even with the labels off.

I get you OP. My family members are blase about things too. Most recently DH got oil all over the hall carpet despite being asked many times to remove his work boots in the porch and DD has squished fingernail marks into my cheeseplant leaves just 'because'. It's when you get a series of transgressions that could so easily be avoided with a little care and attention that it can drive you to tears and make you wonder why you bother trying to keep a nice home.
The non-present buying must really suck on top of everything else so go ahead and make your purchases totally guilt free!

grab some cloud nines or ghds - treat yourself and lock them away

I thought you were from the US too OP, and not Aus, but either way all I can say is good on you, and it's reassuring to know that families are the same the world over.

On consequences of their actions loss of screen time isn’t enough IMO: they should pay for replacing the broken / non returnable items.

Agree with the PP, the one with the jeans should either pay for the ones that can’t be returned or receive no more jeans for a good while.

Stop lending them stuff, and tell them why. If your eldest wants hair straighteners she can pay for them.

And yes, buy yourself stuff and stop buying your DH gifts and doing his laundry! Assume he’s set the tone that it’s OK for them to treat you that way.

Never wash your husband's clothes again either!!!!!!

I still haven’t forgiven forgotten when my husband shrank my merino wool cardigan over a decade ago.

I do clothing allowance for everyone over 10. I keep the bank cards.

Worked out what a cheap version of everything that they needed was. Added it up and divided in half as they have a full wardrobe already. They buy their own sports stuff too and presents.

As a kid if we forgot DMs birthday we got nothing for ours. I only forgot once.

Correcting names of things is unnecessary.

Op get what you want and don't share. Stop buying them things (mean). They should all replace the things they've ruined.

I still haven’t forgiven forgotten when my husband shrank my merino wool cardigan over a decade ago.

I have a boden cashmere cardigan that DP hates. He has 'accidentally' put it in the wash/tumbler more than once. God bless boden, it's not shrunk at all!

Unlike a lambswool one of his from M&S (that he knew had to be washed carefully) - came out about the right size for the 2 year old.

Good for you lou sod the lot of them! 😡

Looks like nobody gets a Birthday or Christmas present from you this year then. If you don't receive anything for Mothers' Day please take yourself out for a lovely day shopping/café/cinema without a second thought.
Get a lock on your bedroom door, lend nothing. If they ask why, a Mumsnet tinkly laugh, head tilt and 'do you think i' fucking stupid?' (or similar ).
Time to put yourself first, botox etc is a wonderful fresh start for new Accepting No Shite Justilou1. I think some women end up in the role of drudge/family scape goat as my DM did/has. Fuck that for a life!

Thanks for your support, everyone -

Just to confirm that I am notoriously difficult to buy for as I simply don't like "stuff". I don't need it and we're drowning in more than enough of it. I hate getting facials and massages, so that's out, and I am rather boring with hobbies, etc. My husband is awesome and we don't buy each other presents because we focus on the kids for birthdays and Christmas. If there is something we both need or want, we do that instead. We don't have fancy watches or amazing holidays, but were able to pay cash for a new car when ours kicked the bucket.

The kids (13, 11 & 11) are very entitled and plugged into devices too much. I get that this is age-appropriate, but don't believe that it's got to be tolerated. This is stopping and my husband is helping me set up a system that we think we can implement to adjust their behaviour. (I think they are inundated with insta life and don't understand that none of it's real.) My husband won't resent me buying GHD's. He'll be shitty that my daughter broke mine and hid the evidence.

As for myself, I have realised that I have let myself go a bit and need to find my mojo, so to speak. (Hence the laser, the botox and the new hairdo - which requires bloody straighteners, of course!) I have also lost 40+kilos, bought high-end makeup for the first time in my life and my first grownup handbag. It's all going off around here, and I will NEVER be anyone's drudge - especially not my own!!!

Fucking hell op!
Your inspiring me!

Go you!

Channel your inner Mildred. (Three Billboards)

Well done, OP. Onwards and Upwards!

Well done. You have inspired me too, My DCs are older than yours and should have more sense. Due to a recent event I am shutting down on being the Mum who is always there and reliable.
I have bought the high end make up and creams, I have bought a couple of more expensive than usual clothing and shoes.
I don't feel appreciated so I will do my own kindnesses to me.
Stick with your new views you are worth it as are we all.

Good for you! It sounds like you are long overdue having a treat! FYI, if I were you I would buy Cloud 9 straighteners and not GHDs. Cloud 9’s are made by the guy who made the original GHDs and they’re amazing! New GHDs are crap nowadays and don’t last well at all.

Good for you!

Congratulations on your weight loss too.

I think things getting lost/broken are all part of family life. I don't think there's anything malicious about it although it can be very annoying. I'd let it go.

Hair straighteners being broken and then the evidence hidden isn’t “part of family life”!