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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a cleaner

28 replies

melclaire1111 · 03/03/2018 21:20

I know this proably seems really trival but it's been bugging me for ages.

Dh and I both work full time & have Dd who is 2. Dh works shifts, I work mon-fri. Neither of us have much time at home that doesn't involve looking after dd, housework or trying to sleep.

I do the majority of housework (cooking, washing up/drying up), clothes washing and putting away, changing bed etc. Dh gets more tine off than me due to shifts and doesn't really do a lot.

I really feel like we would benefit fron having a cleaner. Not everyday, or even every week but a couple of times a month just to help with the bits i don't get chance to do (properly cleaning the bathrooms etc, at the moment I try and do them but it's usually a rub down with baby wipes at a weekend when Dd naps).

Dh is dead set against it and won't hear of it. Today we were sorting something in a spare room when we both noticed some dust in the window sill and he commented it wouldn't be that bad if i dusted every now and then. When I challenged him and said why was it up to me he answered with cos it's not my job!

Just getting fed up of trying to keep the house tidy on my own I guess and so many people I know have said a cleaner makes a world of difference!

OP posts:

Fattymcfaterson · 03/03/2018 21:23

I want a cleaner.... But I am a cleaner 😂

Just get one and don't tell him

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 03/03/2018 21:25

Get him to pay for someone to do the work the lazy fecker doesn't think is his job!

UpstartCrow · 03/03/2018 21:25

Why should you have to do all the cleaning or pay for a cleaner? It's not the 1970's any more. He is responsible for half the cleaning and half the bill for a cleaner.

Parker231 · 03/03/2018 21:26

Why are you doing the majority of housework when you both work and he has more free time?

If he wants the house cleaning, he does it or you get a cleaner paid from family money.

Procrastination4 · 03/03/2018 21:26

Goodness, why is it up to you to keep the house clean on your own? If you both are working full time then you both get involved with housework, surely? It’s easy for your partner/husband to say he’s deadest against it-but in that case he should be coming up with an alternative, ie mucking in and sharing the housework. Is your child in day care while you work? I was just wondering because if she is, that would give your husband/partner the chance to do a bit of housework undisturbed, after his shift!

Idontdowindows · 03/03/2018 21:28

Wait, why is this your job alone? What's wrong with him?

Bambamber · 03/03/2018 21:28

But it's not your job to do it either, it's supposed to be a joint effort

bert3400 · 03/03/2018 21:29

Get a cleaner . We have one as both work FT ...it's great.

MoonlightandMusic · 03/03/2018 21:32

YANBU - as the cleaning isn't affecting him then, if you as a family can afford a cleaner, get one without further discussion (although do brace for the row...). If he''d prefer not to then there's nothing stopping him from dusting/vacuuming/cleaning loos etc.,

MacaroniPenguin · 03/03/2018 21:32

How exactly does he justify that it's your job?

You need to discuss this further with him and show him why his attitude is sexist and disrespectful

A cleaner once a fortnight won't solve the basic problem that only 50% of the FT workers in your home think they have any stake in keeping the house clean.

Grobagsforever · 03/03/2018 21:35

Errr your husband is a lazy entitled arse. Get a cleaner and kick his arse

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/03/2018 21:37

You could get a cleaner or your H could pull his weight and do some housework instead?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 03/03/2018 21:37

YANBU. I love a cleaner and I don't even have half as much going on as you do.

Waterdropsdown · 03/03/2018 21:39

Just get one. Surely he doesn’t need to approve. Hand him a mop and bucket and when he moans say that’s it a cleaner is going to start next month.

frasier · 03/03/2018 21:40

My cleaner is one of the most important people in my life! I'm not joking. She's a treasure. She doesn't charge if I cancel at short notice (it works both ways, I give her the leeway to come whichever day she wants as long as she tells me day before so I can be in/pick up) and will tackle any job.

I don't waste her time with washing up or tidying, I do all that the night before. She cleans and everything looks new when she's gone. I don't need her weekly but I get her weekly so that we never get in a mess.

It changed my lifestyle.

GET A CLEANER!

Queenoftheblitz · 03/03/2018 21:44

I'm 54 and was brought up with this sexist crap. I find it sad and outrageous that there are men who still think like this.
Op tell him to justify his stance. Don't hire a cleaner until you've shamed him into admitting he is wrong.

Original poster

melclaire1111 · 03/03/2018 21:45

Thanks for all the replies, was beginning to think I was being a bit silly. But it's something I feel really strongly about.

I have asked dh to do more on his days off/after/before shifts but it never happens. Dd goes to nursery all day even on his days off (tho he usually picks her up earlier) and he promises stuff will be done but rarely is.

OP posts:

Lilonetwo · 03/03/2018 21:46

You need to get a cleaner!
There is no chance I would be working full time and not have a cleaner. I'm about to go on maternity leave, but when I return to work I will be telling DH that I will be hiring a cleaner once per week for 2 hours! (That's surely only £30 max!?)

stickystick · 03/03/2018 21:48

Go on strike. Don’t wash his clothes. Don’t clear up after him. Do as little general cleaning as you can bear.

Bluntness100 · 03/03/2018 21:48

What does he mean it's not his job? Is he somehow under the impression that having a dick means he doesn't have to clean? I can only assume he was joking. No one under the age of ninety thinks that shit.

Seriously you need to kick that attitude back to the fifties. Either he recognises it's his job and does fifty percent or uou get a cleaner. Saying you have to do it alone is the ultimate in mysogynistic areholeness.

50sQueen · 03/03/2018 21:50

Well he either cleans or he pays for himself for a cleaner. Or you delegate another one of your jobs to him so you have more time to clean. I would have exploded at his comment about window sill and going on strike.

MrTrebus · 03/03/2018 21:57

Second the get one and don't tell him suggestion. Then tell him how hard you've worked cleaning really hard on the days your cleaner has been and make him do extra things like cook dinner etc to thank you 😂 then eventually kick him out and enjoy your nice clean house without the useless man around!

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 03/03/2018 21:59

Leave him a list every day. Long or short. Tell him if he doesn't start pulling his weight that you will walk. Be prepared to follow through.
Honestly, i put up with this shit for a while. I genuinely think he just didn't realise how much i did. He does now. And he still gets lists ... we don't talk about it but he does it. Still not as much as me but a hell of a lot more than he did. I told him when it blew up one day that i would leave if he didn't.
Things like this are serious and need nipped in the bud or you will end up feeling resentful more and more each day and that's toxic.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 03/03/2018 22:00

Then once e starts pulling his weight you will be able to reassess whether you would like a cleaner, but not before he realises how shitty he us being.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 03/03/2018 22:02

And i agree a strike might be a useful tactic to employ if you want to try that first. He will soon get the hint when nothing is done for him.

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