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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my husband to ask for the money back?

33 replies

koalaoala85 · 03/03/2018 17:19

8 years ago, DH (we weren’t married then) lived with his best friend for two years. At the time, DH was working and best mate was studying. Being the (too) generous person that he is, DH covered a lot of the bills in this period on the proviso that best friend would pay him back when he started working. Promises were made, spreadsheets to keep track of money owed were created and lots of money was spent on “ladding”. Best friend racked up a debt of around £2500.

Fast forward to now, best friend has a well paid job, owns a lovely house, has several holidays a year etc and is yet to pay back a penny. DH doesn’t seem bothered but it infuriates me! I know it was and isn’t my money but we could really use it right now. Plus I just think it’s rude to borrow money and never pay it back! AIBU to ask DH to ask for the money back?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 03/03/2018 17:21

So did your DH move in to his place or the other way around?

Tink2007 · 03/03/2018 17:22

Is your DH and friend Chandler and Joey from Friends?

Justmuddlingalong · 03/03/2018 17:22

It wasn't your money, you have absolutely no say in it. After 8 years you need to forget it. No matter how tight things are now.

Partypopper123 · 03/03/2018 17:24

It's too late to ask for this after 8 years

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 17:25

If your DH isn't bothered then I think YABU to make him ask for it back.

krustykittens · 03/03/2018 17:25

I think this is up to your DH to sort out. It was his money and his friend.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 17:26

And just to add that legally the debt would be statute barred and you would not be able to collect.

Bluelady · 03/03/2018 17:27

If the person who's owed the money isn't bothered, there isn't much you can do about it.

snewsname · 03/03/2018 17:27

I think you could ask him to almost jokingly say "oy when are you going to pay me that money from yonks ago?"
But I don't think you should pressure him to insist.

greendale17 · 03/03/2018 17:28

I wouldn’t stay friends with someone like that. Tell your husband this so called friend isn’t welcome anymore

Tink2007 · 03/03/2018 17:28

Just to echo what everyone else is saying - it wasn’t your money, it was your DH’s money. If he doesn’t want to ask for it back then that is it. You can’t force him to.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 17:31

Tell your husband this so called friend isn’t welcome anymore

That would be her husbands choice if he wants to welcome his friend in to his home surely?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/03/2018 17:31

Tough as it is - it's not your debt and if your DH isn't too bothered I don't know what you can do about it

Are they still friends?

shartsi · 03/03/2018 17:35

I think your DH is happy that his best friend has achieved his goals with his help. Personally his achievements from any help I gave to a good friend would be payment for such an old debt.

pasturesgreen · 03/03/2018 17:36

I think after 8 years that ship has well and truly sailed. Lesson learned and put it behind you.

chimpandzee · 03/03/2018 17:38

You need to forget it. Let go. 8 years is too long.

LavenderDoll · 03/03/2018 17:42

It's 8 years ago the ship has sailed

Plus it's between your husband and his friend

falsepriest · 03/03/2018 17:43

Not your debt to call in. Just cos you've hit the skids, it's tough shit. Sorry.

OnionKnight · 03/03/2018 17:44

It was eight years ago and it was your husband's money not 'family money'.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/03/2018 17:51

Keep your beak out, it's none of your business.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/03/2018 17:51

Tell your husband this so called friend isn’t welcome anymore

Not the OP's friend. Not her call.

CaMePlaitPas · 03/03/2018 17:55

Ohh I'm afraid this is between your DH and his friend, and if your DH isn't that fussed neither should you be. It's irritating but after 8 years you have to let it go.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/03/2018 17:56

I think he needs to make a decision to either ask for it back or just forget it forever, and you need to abide by his decision. Chances are he would have spent it on something else at the time if he hadn’t loaned it so either way it would be gone.

Skarossinkplunger · 03/03/2018 17:57

Are you that desperate? You may need to speak to Stepchange.org

Bobbybobbins · 03/03/2018 17:58

This would annoy me too but agree with pp that it is too late really.