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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people can't just skip work because of the snow.

83 replies

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 03/03/2018 10:05

My grandads carers and nurses haven't been for 2 days even though he's in his last few weeks and my grandma is exhausted.
I've been to help but I'm not a nurse, neither is my grandma.

They live on a main road that's been cleared, I drove there.
I do understand that the carers and nurses might be stuck in their homes but shouldn't the carers service/nurses have found someone else to pop in and do the things we can't?

OP posts:
Abitlost2015 · 03/03/2018 10:44

They may have childcare issues (school closed), may have to drive elsewhere for equipment and that drive may not be safe, may be caring for more urgent patients... many possibilities to add to “just being lazy”

HeadDreamer · 03/03/2018 10:44

You don’t know where the carers live. It can be very difficult to commute to your grandparents place. They are on a main road, the carer might not. They will be short staffed so hard to arrange alternative cover.

Remember also that carers are usually very low paid - it might be worth a two hour journey through snow for £70k a year but for 30 mins at £10 per hour - no - I wouldn't be doing it either.
Sadly unless it’s NHS or other emergency services, you will find £70k jobs have more flexibility.

HeadDreamer · 03/03/2018 10:45

And ofc school closures mean someone needs to look after the children too.

Efrig · 03/03/2018 10:47

The agencies can’t just ‘find someone’.

ForalltheSaints · 03/03/2018 10:49

The OP highlights why we should have infrastructure to cope with small amounts of snow (which is what 90% of the UK has had- instances such as on the M62 are only a small percentage) , and that more should be done to enable schools to stay open. Taking away the option of being sued if someone falls over would be a small start.

The carers are not the people who should be blamed. Though once we leave the EU and there are fewer EU Nationals providing such care, I expect it may happen more often, as those who have moved from countries where a bit of snow is coped with probably make more effort in such conditions.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/03/2018 10:50

I think YABU, yes. For all the reasons mentioned but primarily because your grandfather does not live by himself - even though your grandmother may not have the knowledge for his medical care, she is still there to phone an ambulance or the doctor if he takes a sudden turn for the worse. Many people live by themselves and of course they are going to be prioritised.

Very sad about the Glasgow carer (and all the others whom the snow and cold weather has claimed the lives of)

dayandnightshapes · 03/03/2018 10:51

Maybe the carers have family circumstances. School closures and childcare problems. I would just be thankful you were able to get there and your grandmother was there also. It's tricky, but this extreme weather doesn't happen very often.
I just hope plans were in place for those totally isolated and alone

KarmaStar · 03/03/2018 10:52

Don't understand why people are soaring the OP.
If the family are paying,or the council are paying,an agency (a lot of)money to care for the gentleman then they do have a duty of care and should have been in contact from the start to explain why nobody has turned up.
You should contact them today and ask.
If your grandma's medication is not in a socket box then you should contact your g.p and get this done.then you will know what time and what day his medication is due.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/03/2018 10:52

The OP's grandfather is dying. Some of you need to learn some compassion.

OP have you called the agency to see if there is anyone at all who can just come and check him over at some point? It must be hard for you and your gran as, like you said, you might be missing something medical.

I understand the people saying we don't know if carers have children at home or are snowed in themselves but if the OP is on a clear main road I find it hard to believe there's isn't someone who can check in on a dying man

Nicknacky · 03/03/2018 10:52

Can we have a wee bit more compassion for the op??!! Her grandfather is terminally ill and it’s so so difficult caring for a relative nearing end of life care.

Carers do a vital job and I don’t blame the op for struggling, I couldn’t undertake the level of care required for my mum when she was nearing end of life and relied heavily on carers, nurses etc.

I would be interested to know if anyone has even been in touch to let them know the carers aren’t attending and asked if the op and harbgrandmother are coping.

And childcare issues are not the op’s concern.

Beetlejizz · 03/03/2018 10:53

I do understand that the carers and nurses might be stuck in their homes but shouldn't the carers service/nurses have found someone else to pop in and do the things we can't?

Where do you imagine the agency will procure these people from OP?

rothbury · 03/03/2018 10:54

shouldn't the carers service/nurses have found someone else to pop in

Like who?

NHS/Social Services is cut back to the bare bones and beyond because we bailed out the bankers. Sadly, this is the result.

I hope your grandma is OK Flowers

Pengggwn · 03/03/2018 10:54

I certainly have compassion for the OP. Her feelings are understandable, but care is going to be affected by this sort of weather, and no, childcare issues aren't the OP's concern, but if they are the carer's concern, that's the reality of the situation. My child is my first responsibility and I have to put that first.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2018 10:56

Care is affected by the weather, people cannot be magicked up to provide services when natural weather crises occur, Nick. Hmm

giggly · 03/03/2018 10:57

It's great that you can care and support your family and the drain on the NHS would be less if more people accept the limitations on staff and services when conditions are so severe.
The fact that you can.means that an equally vulnerable old person with no one to care for them may well be getting seen.
Please don't be part of this blame culture that is epidemic in the UK now.
Flowers for you and your family.

upsetangryandpissed · 03/03/2018 10:58

coming from a carer, today I have had not choice but to prioritise my calls. So those with family will be visited when i get to them, those who are on their own will get visited first. i have changed calls with other carers who are closer to some of my visits & I've taken theirs. With all due respect I'm not risking my life & my double partner by.

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2018 10:59

"Remember also that carers are usually very low paid - it might be worth a two hour journey through snow for £70k a year but for 30 mins at £10 per hour - no - I wouldn't be doing it either."

But many are happy to do it and take pride in what they do. I did Home Care for years, the worst part was people (and Carers) that we cane across that had attitudes like yours.

People on just above Minimum wage don't need patronising and accusing of being incompetent and not considering that their role is essential.

Nicknacky · 03/03/2018 10:59

expat Did I suggest people should be magically produced? This weather is not unexpected, and I would hope there has been some form of contact and support for the op. She doesn’t say if anyone has been in touch and if they haven’t then I would say that’s unacceptable. But hopefully she will update if they have been.

Willow2017 · 03/03/2018 11:02

OP highlights why we should have infrastructure to cope with small amounts of snow (which is what 90% of the UK has had)

90% of country has had "small amounts of snow" are you serious?

overnightangel · 03/03/2018 11:02

Yabvu for reasons well articulated above.
Risk your life for £7.75 an hour when you don’t get paid for times between calls (prob get paid 6 hours for 9/10 on shift)?
Don’t think so

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2018 11:03

ExpatinScotland, there's never been people being left without Care and dying in the numbers because of a lack of Ambulances, Beds, Appointments and A&E waiting times.

It isn't the Weather, its everything being cut back to 'just managing' levels.

helpfulperson · 03/03/2018 11:04

Have you spoken to or heard your Grandmother speak to the agency? These things are operating on a priority basis at the moment and if your Grandmother is being stoic and saying everything is fine then those carers available will be going to others more in need. If he was having that many visits a day then he is obviously high need and the agency should be trying to get him at least one visit daily. If you have had no contact from the agency then that isn't acceptable and I would suggest giving them a ring. As mentioned above there are a lot of people doing amazing things to support home carers at the moment.

Beetlejizz · 03/03/2018 11:06

I understand the people saying we don't know if carers have children at home or are snowed in themselves but if the OP is on a clear main road I find it hard to believe there's isn't someone who can check in on a dying man

But seeing as you have no idea what the other roads are like locally, where the carers are coming from, what the situation is with schools in the area, how many carers the agency have been able to recruit and how many clients they may have who are living alone and thus higher priority, it's probably not a good idea for you to be drawing any conclusions.

fallapopop · 03/03/2018 11:07

I do understand that the carers and nurses might be stuck in their homes but shouldn't the carers service/nurses have found someone else to pop in and do the things we can't?

Like who? Some random bloke from the local pub or something?

fallapopop · 03/03/2018 11:09

Sorry, and "skip work"?

You think they were off building snowmen and getting drunk or something?

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