My PIL stole my vegetables...

[hamandpease]

I’ve name changed for this as it’s a little identifying as I’ve mentioned it to a few people yesterday....

My parents in law have been staying with us for a few days and left yesterday once the snow had calmed down to head back down south. For context my parents in law are lovely and wonderful and nothing like some of the nightmares I read about in here so this is somewhat lighthearted...

Every time they visit whatever they buy, they take home if it hasn’t been used. I would sort of understand if we were talking something expensive and unopened they we were not going to eat (eg lobster???) but we are talking the dregs of drinks and stuff that is open!!

For context they are very generous at Christmas / birthdays etc and are in no way tight or hard up (although paying the bill at restaurants is always a bit awkward and they don’t pick it up, so I pick it up to pay no problem, but then they insist they are paying, it’s always a bit of an interesting pass the bill around dance). There are no issues with disposable income on either side, everyone is comfortable in this.

But when it comes to the fridge if they’ve put it in there they’re taking it with them.

This week we took them out to dinner, they picked up some bits and bobs from the shops the next day. Before leaving I heard them ask my DH ‘are you going to drink this’ re the flavoured water and he replied yes don’t worry it won’t go to waste’, and ‘are you going to use these’ re three lonely carrots and he replied ‘Yes I’m sure they’ll go in something’. Once they’d gone DH went to the fridge a little later and my mother in law has TAKEN THE PEACH WATER AND THREE CARROTS!!!!

This isn’t an issue about not liking waste, they weren't going to waste! But because they bought them they took them!!!

AIBU to think this is crazy?!

Some lovely people have a blind spot about money. They don't like spending it, and it leaks out from time to time in front of others.
I used to have a friend like this. She'd arrive to a dinner party with alcohol -beer or wine- but it was a common joke that she'd find ways to take it with her when she left.

Sounds like a quirk of theirs. We all have them. On the whole it sounds like you get on well though which is good.

Conclusion: ain't nowt so queer as folk. My dm always sends us home with half eaten leftovers bagged up, saying slightly puritanically "Well I won't eat it so it'll only go to waste". I always want to ask her if she won't eat that sort of stuff why is she happy to feed it to us. My SIL has texted me after Christmas before to remind me to bring back a free supermarket box and unopened £2 item after we have hosted them. We took it back when we next saw them 8 months later. Sigh.

But I agree with others they sound good apart from that so could be a lot worse! 🥕🥕🥕

Are you a bit wasteful in their eyes? I know I can be. Some people really can't cope with waste and just wondering if they think by taking stuff home they've bought that at least there's no chance of it going off or being chucked out!

Like I said it might just be a little compulsive thing they do. My friend will take everything home from a restaurant in a doggy bag. Even if it's a couple of prawn crackers and a few spoonfuls of egg fried rice! Her reckoning is that she's paid for it so why should she leave it which I guess she's right but it can be embarrassing.

Sounds like they are trying not to leave you with their rubbish.

My PIL do this but on a much bigger scale.
Most recently mil made dds birthday cake.
After the party she cut it in half to take half home
I thought that was a bit much but she then proceeded to scoff loads of our half, a slice with all her and pils numerous hot drinks!
There was hardly any left and she then took her half home.
Now that is a piss take.

I do this! and it's like Duck says. I really really hate waste. I can imagine my in laws saying they will use something we've bought (probably so as not to offend us somehow?! There's lots of mad doublespeak on pursuit of that) but I'm pretty sure they actually wouldn't. I've seen the way they throw things away. They go by sell bys not even use bys! I mean, i could leave it, but I would be wondering and have a nagging, tickling feeling that it will be chucked when we would've eaten it.

And I'm only 30 btw. So i guess it's just a 'tight person' thing not an old person thing

It’s just a quirk of theirs OP that you’ll have to live with. They’re probably a bit obsessed with waste. Just have a laugh about it after they’ve gone. At least they’re generous in other ways.

Why do they always pay in restaurants though? Maybe they’re thinking that sometimes you should pay or offer to share the bill? Which you should really.

Lalliella we do pay too! It's very 50:50 sorry if that wasn't clear

My PIL are the opposite - we have to sneak-pay in restaurants if we want to contribute at all. They always come bearing food. Actually, so do my parents. If we host them both my DMIL and DM have a good-humoured bake off and shower us with huge quantities of cake and dessert, which they then leave for us. We end up binning so much of it!

In fact I found a secret stash of leftover cake in a tin I don't own in the pantry yesterday. I think it had been there since October. It didn't look good

^^ That sounds like I'm moaning. I'm really not! I love them all and think they're wonderfully kind and generous, with their time and love as well as their cake

If your PIL are lovely then I think you've got the right approach - just giggle at this quirk and appreciate all the lovely stuff about them.

Fengshui - they carried a watermelon

It may be the vagueness of the answers they get. They think you/your DH are just pandering to the question. If he'd said, "we're planning to use the carrots in X meal tomorrow". Then maybe they'd have left them. But the vague "I'm sure they'll get used in something" leaves room for doubt and the fact the poor carrots may get forgotten about. So they take them to be sure the carrots won't go to waste?

MIL got very upset if I left anything in her fridge when we had visited.
She would complain on the phone, ask when we were coming back (5hours drive), and leave it rotting in her fridge until we did go back as she would not throw it out.
She was quite stressful.

Maybe they're seeing it as not leaving you with their half used stuff to sort out and not wanting to be any kind of burden

THIS!

Come on people, I know Mumsnet loves a villain but they clearly aren’t bad in laws judging from what OP has said. They just don’t want to clog up the fridge with their clutter.

It's probably the reason they can afford to give huge sums of money

fengshui I love this story (while also being shocked at their rudeness!). Essentially, they took their watermelon for a holiday.

Last time my parents & aunt visited we went to a restaurant at their insistence, I had offered to cook at home and they knew we were skint. When we got there my DM asked if you paid when you ordered, as it’s a bar/restaurant, and my DH told her yes you do. So she proceeded to tell me what she wanted and encouraged everyone else to tell me their order and insist I go to the bar to order because I’m ‘so good at remembering’ while my DB and DF stared at the floor, in the end my aunt came to the bar with me and paid but I was so embarrassed, I should have just said you’ll have to come with me to pay but I was a bit shocked at how cheeky she was being. And when I later suggested she might want to reimburse my aunt for her share she said oh, I thought she wanted to pay.

Also, I'm all for reducing food waste but at the point that you're prioritising the potentially wasted fate of three poor carrots over basic politeness then you've lost perspective.

Essentially, they took their watermelon for a holiday.

My sister is like this! It's hilarious. They take all the dregs home with them!