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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be sure what to do with hot/cold new guy?

39 replies

Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:27

He is doing my bloody nut in.
When I'm with him or we're chatting on the phone, he's very attentive, entertaining etc.
That's it.
He constantly makes arrangements which he changes, whether that be, I'll call you later/I'll call you tomorrow/I'll meet you in a few hours.

When I ring or text he doesn't answer his phone or reply. I could hear back immediately or days later. It's any man's guess as to when he'll deign to make contact. It leaves me hanging like a fucking eejit, waiting for him to call etc. and then nada....

Last Sunday, he was supposed to be coming here to cook for me. At 3pm. He had been vomiting the day before apparently. In the morning he was still ill, but around midday or so he said he would still come over. All grand, went about getting ready. 2.45 I get a text saying he couldn't make it. He left it until that time, despite knowing that it would have taken over an hour to get here.

Same shit again now this week.

Am I too demanding? I simultaneously want to dump his unreliable arse as I have already had this argument with him once and on the other hand try to calm myself down, he's a busy guy etc. etc.

What advice do you have?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:31

We've been dating about 6 weeks.

He lives with his mother as he is divorced and pays 1200 a month to ex wife and their son.

He's a lovely guy, but this is just driving me bonkers. I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

OP posts:
TERFclick · 03/03/2018 00:33

Ah, they aren't worth it if you want a committed relationship. If you want some light entertainment then enjoy it for what it is.

underthebluemoon · 03/03/2018 00:36

Bin him off and wait for someone reliable.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:36

It's a bloody head-wreck, that's what it is.
Think I'll just proceed as if any arrangement is just some pie in the sky notion of his and make my own arrangements. Can't be making arrangements and then him not showing up or not hearing from him to confirm or anything. Does my bloody head in.

OP posts:
MsMims · 03/03/2018 00:38

Even if he’s busy, people make time for what really matters to them. No excuse for the late cancellations etc. At 6 weeks in he should be doing the most, it sounds more like a relationship in its death throes already. Sorry OP but you also don’t deserve to just be picked up and then ignored on his whims.

TERFclick · 03/03/2018 00:38

Do you want a relationship? If you want a distraction then do as you plan. If you are time limited or want something serious, he isn't the one for you.

userabcname · 03/03/2018 00:39

Nope. Too much hassle. Get rid. It's common courtesy to reply to texts and stick to arrangements.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:42

I didn't actually want a relationship at all, but he made arrangements etc. and we've met a few times. He's nice and I'm attracted to him, but this up and down hot and cold shit is seriously messing with my head. Think I'll just leave him to it. If it's this shit at the start, fuck knows what it would be like if we were actually in a relationship.

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 03/03/2018 00:44

Take fucking control and dump his using arse.

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/03/2018 00:44

1.2k a month?! Sheesh.

Sounds like a pain to be honest, I cba with bad communicators.

willsa · 03/03/2018 00:46

He's probably not divorced...

Sparklesocks · 03/03/2018 00:47

Honestly you shouldn’t be stressing and getting fed up this early on, so bin him off. You deserve someone with consistency.

CrazyDaze1 · 03/03/2018 00:47

I wonder if he really is divorced and living with his mum......you are probably contacting him on a spare phone he only turns on when his wife isn’t around.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:49

Oh, believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. More than crossed my mind.

OP posts:
AgnesBrownsCat · 03/03/2018 00:49

He’s not that into you . If he was he’d be there when he said he would .

Walkingdeadfangirl · 03/03/2018 00:52

£1200 a month to ex and son is a lot, he must be very well off.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:53

I purposely included that detail as that is the explanation I get for no contact on occasion. Either his son is at his mums with him asleep upstairs and he's afraid to wake him Hmm, or, he has gone to visit his son, or he's working late, or he went to bed early lol.
Or maybe, just maybe, I ain't being told the full story.
Ach, I'll cut my losses and run like hell I think!

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 03/03/2018 00:54

Married.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 00:54

Walkingdead lol - he isn't too well off after paying that whack out a month!

OP posts:
PhylisMcFee · 03/03/2018 01:00

He sounds married to me.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 01:02

Oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained. Married or not, I can't be dealing with him making arrangements and then changing them, so I shall venture forth once more into the mire of internet dating.....

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 03/03/2018 01:03

I said that because child maintenance is a percentage and if he is paying £1200 a month and living with his mother then he must have a lot left... Unless he is lying he should be rolling in it.

Storminateapot · 03/03/2018 01:09

Married, has more than one of you on the go hedging his bets, not that into you (definitely this one - how long does it take to send a quick text and how would that wake a sleeping child upstairs?)....

Not a keeper, whichever it is.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 01:09

Well with the exception of our first date, he has always come here, so I don't get the impression he's rolling in it. Ideally I would prefer not, as I'm on the breadline haha. He dresses well. Ah well, maybe his wife dresses him every morning. Who knows!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 03/03/2018 01:10

Yup. He's just not that into me. Onwards and upwards.

OP posts: