to not be sure what to do with hot/cold new guy?

[Sullabylullaby]

He is doing my bloody nut in.
When I'm with him or we're chatting on the phone, he's very attentive, entertaining etc.
That's it.
He constantly makes arrangements which he changes, whether that be, I'll call you later/I'll call you tomorrow/I'll meet you in a few hours.

When I ring or text he doesn't answer his phone or reply. I could hear back immediately or days later. It's any man's guess as to when he'll deign to make contact. It leaves me hanging like a fucking eejit, waiting for him to call etc. and then nada....

Last Sunday, he was supposed to be coming here to cook for me. At 3pm. He had been vomiting the day before apparently. In the morning he was still ill, but around midday or so he said he would still come over. All grand, went about getting ready. 2.45 I get a text saying he couldn't make it. He left it until that time, despite knowing that it would have taken over an hour to get here.

Same shit again now this week.

Am I too demanding? I simultaneously want to dump his unreliable arse as I have already had this argument with him once and on the other hand try to calm myself down, he's a busy guy etc. etc.

What advice do you have?

Does he turn his phone off when he is with you? If he always goes to your house, that might be because he can’t risk being seen out with you.

Or always pays in cash if you go out? What made you think he might be having you on?

He sounds like a cheat, married man?

He puts his phone on silent went here. We've only been out once, first date, and he legged it after 2 drinks.

Lots of little things Phylis. The not answering the phone, disappearing randomly, only coming to my house (flat), never anyone in the background so he clearly only rings when away from someone or everyone.
On the other hand, if that's his game, he's a bloody good liar!

*when here

Married or not you just need to run like the fucking wind.

Yes, indeed VlamirsPoutine. And run like fuck is exactly what I'll be doing. I was supposed to be in bed hours ago, yoga at nine and facial (free) in some posh joint tomorrow. Instead? I'm here wrecking my head about him. Whatever his story is, he ain't wrecking my head no more.

Good. This way madness lies. Hot/cold behaviour is tantamount to emotional abuse and a way to keep someone uncertain and anxious. It is no way to live. In the end you would end up losing your mind and becoming batshit crazy. Which he'd probably throw in your face. It is just not worth sacrificing your mental and emotional health over a guy who treats you as some sort of optional toy.

Do you have his social media etc? I'd guess at still with "ex"

I've dated a guy just like this, after 7 day time dates, no phone calls after 6pm and very few txts he admits he has a gf who he was living with.

Trust your gut

Ghost him. You deserve so much more.

Oh god knows what he's up to, too much effort.

You seem really grounded, hope you find someone nice.

By making himself unavailable he's trying to 'snare you in'. I dated someone similar years ago and he drove me utterly crazy because it was so up in the air, but at least mine didn't cancel all the time. Was just never available and I'd almost feel 'grateful' if I did get ahold of him - total power thing. I eventually broke off with him, he just made me act like a crazy stalker (not really, just really did my head in). For my mental health I had to get rid.

Fuck that shit.

You can analyse this til the cows come home but the bottom line is he is treating you like you’re his plaything. He has no respect for you.

There is no reason or excuse for it.

You’re better than that.

Fuck. That. Shit.

@VladimirsPoutine In the end you would end up losing your mind and becoming batshit crazy. Which he'd probably throw in your face.

Yes, yes, yes. I've already lost it once and blamed myself. I feel like a totally irrational person when it bothers me. If I didn't give a shit about him it would be fine, I'd just meet him if it didn't interfere with other arrangements. As things stand, I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt, not demanding too much etc. but I can't keep this shit up lol. I'd end up going bunny-boiler again lol.

@Darknightdelight Do you have his social media etc?

Nope. He seems rather private and it was early days so that wouldn't bother me too much on its own.

@LanguidLobster @Hollybollyboowoo @Otterindisgrace
Thank you! Haha, I'll keep telling myself that!

@TowerRavenSeven Was just never available and I'd almost feel 'grateful' if I did get ahold of him - total power thing. I eventually broke off with him, he just made me act like a crazy stalker (not really, just really did my head in). You've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly how I end up feeling!

Now, heading to gym for nine. Have option of Zumba or Yoga. Which is best for taking your mind off a guy?

Good Friend did some serious full time OD. Only took her 2 months of messaging time wasting twerps and losers to sift through the crap and find a lovely genuine kind man sho spoils her rotten and does most of the running. She took the piss and called out any men whose situation seemed odd and had a right laugh. Don't let this joker take any more piss OP.