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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager making comments on my salary

85 replies

helenvellyn · 02/03/2018 19:40

Straight off the bat I'll say that my manager and I don't always see eye to eye.

He is not a lot older than me and is openly dismissive of women he perceives as a threat to him. Although he is my line manager, he doesn't do my day job and so has little involvement in my actual work. I effectively manage myself.

He has before made little digs about my salary, saying that I get paid too much and that he doesn't see how I can have no money (when joining office collective groaning about January payday) when 'he knows how much I earn'.

Today I said I was talking to a colleague about how I saved £40 buying some boots in a sale. He butted in and said 'I know how much you earn and you don't need to be buying boots in the sale'. This was in earshot of other colleagues.

AIBU to think this is very inappropriate? I am well paid for my role but I negotiated this and the company were obviously willing to pay it.

I don't think it's appropriate for a manager to remind me that he knows my salary as it was negotiated with HR and not him. He seems unhealthily preoccupied with it and I feel uncomfortable with the comments in front of colleagues.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 02/03/2018 20:53

It does seem very inappropriate and would make me feel awkward.

TheLegendOfBeans · 02/03/2018 20:54

Grossly inappropriate. On this basis alone you need to have a chat with HR. Regarding treading carefully I would suggest your dialogue with HR be followed up on email just in case the bad behaviour escalates.

Original poster
helenvellyn · 02/03/2018 21:00

I don't see the 'waiting for payday' talk as inappropriate. We're a young team, have a lot of nights out etc. Near to payday a lot of people will drop out of drinks because they're broke. I don't think this way of talking is the same at all as discussing salary, even if no actual figures as disclosed.

OP posts:
Original poster
helenvellyn · 02/03/2018 21:08

He has also told me at my last appraisal that I wouldn't be getting a pay rise as in his eyes I already am overpaid. He won't be nominating me for a performance related bonus (awarded on line manager recommendation by panel of directors). I've caught him talking on our internal messaging system to our head of department saying I was 'difficult' - without fairly discussing the problem with me first - which I thought would've been a reasonable action had he had a problem with my behaviour.

OP posts:
Mimsy123 · 02/03/2018 21:09

You’re not being unreasonable at all. Is he jealous? It’s weird, either way.

CaMePlaitPas · 02/03/2018 21:11

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. It is absolutely not his place to refer to how much you earn, and you are well within your rights to want your manager to stop referring to this undisclosed figure. It sounds like he wants to blurt it out and if pushed I reckon he probably would share this info - just not in front of you. I would say to him, stop talking about how much I earn, or the next time you do it I will report you to HR. Or bypass him altogether and go to HR but I just wouldn't be able to abide someone so snarky.

CaMePlaitPas · 02/03/2018 21:13

Just reading your other messages, goodness me! He has taken a real dislike to you hasn't he?! Can you ask to be transferred out of your department elsewhere? Would you be interested in a new job? Maybe you remind him of someone who effed him over once... sorry you're going through this, he sounds like a really unpleasant individual.

TheLegendOfBeans · 02/03/2018 22:01

Unless this prick is likely to leave soon i would start looking elsewhere.

I know it's not fair and it's not just but I had a prick boss who nakedly disliked me and it was three very stressful years. I wish I'd left so.much earlier and realised I was worth more - both figuratively and literally. I could've been contracting for all those years...Life really and truly is too short OP.

AskBasil · 02/03/2018 22:06

So his comments about your salary are just the tip of the iceberg.

You have a real problem here, unless he leaves, he's going to put a stop to your career. You'll just stagnate, he's already bad-mouthing you to other people in the organisation.

Leave.

But first, cause him a bit of trouble.

Ask him formally, in writing, on what basis he believes you are overpaid and then take his response to the person who negotiated your pay-rise with you.

No one likes to think they've done a bad deal and in effect, he is saying that the person who negotiated your pay, did a bad job. That's not going to be popular with that person, who I bet is senior to your twat of a line manager.

MilesHuntsWig · 02/03/2018 22:29

I like askbasil’s suggestion. Call him out on what he’s doing. It sounds like he’s not mature enough to be in a line manager’s role. I would detail the issues you’ve noted below in a note to his manager or HR and flag it that you’re concerned that he’s been put in a management position without appropriate training and surely it would be beneficial to the business to support him while this is corrected as such behaviour is not professional.

StripeyDeckchair · 02/03/2018 22:31

He is behaviour is inappropriate
Speak to HR
I would describe it as a form of bullying/harassment

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2018 22:36

You're clearly paid the same or more than him and hes pissed off about it.

As He is being difficult with you, you've two options, try to get thr twat on side, or go to hr and complain, at least you're getting your side in.

Daddystepdaddy · 02/03/2018 23:12

Definitely start looking for a new job.

MayCatt · 03/03/2018 07:33

There is a clear pattern here. His statements about you being overpaid, not giving a pay rise, not putting you forward for a bonus (if you feel you deserve it and can back that up), comments to others etc. I would write down when and where these comments have taken place, why you feel he is being punitive (i.e. Trying to make you look bad in front of directors) and speak to HR. This is not on.

CherryMaDeary · 03/03/2018 07:40

You need to document every conversation (and the ones aboit performance related bonus etc) and talk to a trusted senior manager and HR. Has he said anything via email?

ShiftyMcGifty · 03/03/2018 07:54

I’ll go against the grain here and ask how is your performance related to your pay?

I’ve seen the other side of this coin a few times. A fairly “junior” employee gets overpaid because the department doesn’t have an experienced manager and the “junior” person is taking on any of responsibility and “holding down the fort”

Problems arise when this temporary situation goes on for months or years and when the company reaches a critical point and pulls their heads out of their arse, they finally bring in an experienced manager. That new manager reviews what’s been going on and once someone with experience scrutinises the work of “junior” team member, he finds lots of errors and the work generally isn’t up to acceptable standard. Of course the junior person doesn’t realise this and feels the manager is just threatened by her/jealous/has a personal dislike.

So the new manager finds he has an overpaid junior staff member with an inflated sense of importance and attitude whose performance is in no way aligned with her salary.

Not saying this is any way your situation, OP. Just a different perspective. Is there any possibility your manager is comparing your work to your coworkers, who are on a lower salary, and is therefore expecting a much higher level of performance from you?

LifeBeginsAtGin · 03/03/2018 08:02

hey finally bring in an experienced manager.

but an experienced manager would act professionally.

Nickynackynoodle · 03/03/2018 08:08

Watching with interest as my boss is exactly like this. He told his boss I’m “difficult”, fortunately his boss told him he thinks I’m outstanding.
That was an awkward conversation to have.

Good luck op. I’m leaving in 6 weeks. Smile

SusanBunch · 03/03/2018 08:16

Of course the junior person doesn’t realise this and feels the manager is just threatened by her/jealous/has a personal dislike.

Well, maybe the experienced manager will be a bit more professional than making snide digs about where the junior person does her shopping, and will instead instigate procedures in order to improve her performance.

SusanBunch · 03/03/2018 08:19

Also, I am pretty sure that this would NOT happen if the OP was a man. I have also worked in places where managers would be snidey about pay and say stuff like that they hoped I was meeting all the targets (despite my pay being shit for the sector, which was law). Interestingly, I knew of at least 3 men of exactly my level of qualification who were on 10k more than me and billed less than me. And I doubt they ever had any comments like that made to them.

nauticant · 03/03/2018 08:27

I don't think this is about how much you're paid. I think this is about him not liking you for some reason and pay being the nearest stick to hand with which to beat you.

You should discuss this with HR. While you're mulling over doing this, write out a list of all the times he's mentioned about your pay including dates and whether it was in front of anyone else. Also write out summaries of the other times when he is targeting you. Once you've got stuff written down you should have a chat with HR.

The reason to involve HR is that he is bullying you and either he will need to be told to stop or if there is an attempt to make you leave, having raised this in the past might help you negotiate a settlement.

Ignore the comments on this thread about making clever responses to put down your manager. That won't help the situation at all.

Tinkie25 · 03/03/2018 08:29

Another vote to speak to HR

WTFIsThisVirus · 03/03/2018 08:32

I agree with nauticant. I think this is bullying, and you need to take it further.

ShiftyMcGifty · 03/03/2018 08:38

Susan you realise I was giving an unrelated example to offer a different perspective? Not sure why you insist on making correlations where none exist.

I guess you’ve never seen this sort of scenario played out in a real life, but it’s pretty difficult for both parties for different reasons. I won’t elaborate, as I don’t want to derail further. I was just trying to offer a different viewpoint.

No argument the OP’s boss is behaving unprofessionally - I just wondered if the “why” might be because he’s comparing performances. Not because he’s jealous she makes more than him.

Thebluedog · 03/03/2018 08:39

I was initially going to say that you have a conversation with him first and then document any behaviour after that with a look out to talking to Hr. However after your last post I’d go directly to HR with all of his comments, both during your annual appraisal and also what he’s said to you both personally and in front of colleagues.

If you don’t raise it now he may try and mark you down during appraisals without it being fair

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