Or is he?

[SnowedIn2018]

OH had an evening at the pub planned with his work mates for a few weeks. A friends birthday. I've woken up this morning with the flu and I feel dreadful. We have a 6 month old DS. I text him at 4 when he finished and asked if he could maybe go for one or two then come home and help me? (DS is teething and incredibly grizzly and has refused two naps today so I'm running on low). He has messaged now (2 and a half hours later) to say he will be home at 9 as he has had this planned for weeks and he's enjoying himself and I need to "get my big girl pants on". I'm feeling ropey and been sick twice and I'm exhausted looking after a LO who has kept me up all night and won't settle. AIBU by being upset he hasn't come to help me or AIBU by asking him to come home and ruining his pre made plans?

Last week I came down with a bug. Texted DH at work to let him know I'd been sick and he came home to look after DS so I could nap. DS then caught the bug so DH had a vomity baby all afternoon and managed to look after both of us.

The next day it was my turn to look after both of them as DH was ill but then because the baby hadn't been feeding well I got mastitis and DH was in charge again.

At no point did he give any impression it wasn't his job to do this as a father and a husband. I don't think I could respect a man who thought differently.

I hope your mum helped and your DH makes it up to you today.

So he'd a night planned for weeks, you're sick. His response was horrible but he did come back early if I've read ur response right. In meantime ur gone to yr mother's without telling him. So ur OK to drive then?

So he wasn't pleasant in terms of initial response but did as you asked, whereas you acted like a child ie in not telling him ur gone.

I'd wonder about previous history tbh... On both ur parts.

@saoirse31 OP asked him if he would stay out for a couple of drinks then come back to help look after the baby. He didn't do that, he told her he would be staying out til 9pm.

As for OP being ok to drive, it's an assumption she drove but either way, however she got to her mothers house (car, walk, bus) was done out of necessity rather than if she was actually 'ok' to do so. I drove last week when I had flu and vomiting out of necessity - I drove home from work on a motorway. I probably shouldn't have done with the way I was feeling but had no other way to get home. I also drove my two year old to my mums as I just couldn't look after him. Would have rather stopped in bed though.

If my partner says something like this, which is rare because he’s not an idiot, I just say “I don’t care the baby comes first” and that usually brings him back down to earth.
Kids before the pub.

God when I was sick a few weeks ago dh came straight home from work, dealt with the kids and then worked from home in the evening to catch up. No way did I even have to ask... as soon as I said I had thrown up he came home.

Having a baby means not always getting what you want. Your DH is an asshole for not coming home straight after work, frankly. You were on your knees, no sleep and now flu and vomiting on top of it ... but he wanted to hang out with his friends?!? And was rude about it to boot?!?

I would have a very difficult time forgiving such behaviour. Luckily, my DH and I wouldn't treat each other in this manner. We knew having children meant giving things up for ourselves when necessary.

Hmm, actually I'd have insisted that DH did go out - but that's because my DH hardly ever goes out, is working like a dog at the moment and is a devoted dad at weekends. So, if he'd been looking forward to something and was really keen, I'd cope without for a few extra hours.

(No, I'm not a single mum so no bitterness. Yes, I've had to look after small baby when hideously ill before, so I do know what it involves.)

Sitting on the fence I suppose, because if it wasn't a particularly important night out then I would think he was rubbish for not coming home.

I hope you're feeling better now though, OP.

I actually agree with Kitty, you didn't need him to come back, you just wanted him there to be an extra pair of hands. Leaving the baby in a bouncer while you run to throw up is not ideal but they are safe and not in any danger. If they were slightly older then leaving them unattended is more of a safety concern as they are more able to injure themselves moving around etc. You could have managed for the one night but didn't want to. He is not U to not want to drop everything to run home, especially if he has been looking forward to this as a rare night out.

The OP was well enough to pack herself and the DC up to go to her mother's so she was hardly lying prone on the couch unable to move or care for the DC in any way, which would necessitate her DP there.

I had the flu recently and my husband came home from work and did absolutely everything for several days, cooking and cleaning and all the childcare for multiple cleaning, as well as bring me tea and soup and going for medicines for me. When I said thank you he said what for? don't be silly.
That's what a person does for their loved one.

Hope you are on the mend OP. I cannot contemplate telling my husband I was that unwell I was vomiting, and his reply would be tough shit. Selfish prick.