Bullying? What bullying?

[Ladiesfirst]

Aibu to be a bit shocked that a school Mum approached me at a party last weekend to tell me her son was really upset that my son didn’t want to play with him at school? And that she had been to see the teachers about it?! I said I was sorry that he was upset but expected this sort of friends today not tomorrow stuff to be fairly normal at school and also that it’s npt the sort of stuff my son would ever talk to me about. The Mum has since complained to my nanny and the school again that my son is teasing him and excluding him from the ‘popular’ crowd at school? I spoke to my DS last weekend and said this boy was sad he wasn’t playing with him and maybe he could try to make a special effort to include him this week. Yesterday I asked how things are going and he listed his normal group of friends and not the child in question. He also said repeatedly that nothing had happened. I spoke to school and they said they were watching and my son was find and they think the mother is exaggerating.

I actually caught a glimpse of her in the school today which is unusual as we typically just drop them at the door and I wondered if it’s yet more complaints?!

I know this is all daft but I feel like I am being singled out here? I couldn’t sleep last night worrying that my son might be being horrible? ! What would you do in my shoes if you next say the child’s Mum?!

That's not the case. It's what it was like for me as a child not as an adult, I'm not being excluded from anything as an adult! It's also what I have seen it being like for my DD1 being excluded and playing with her 'invisible fairies' because no one would play with her.

We don't know what happens in the playground at the school in question, not the parents and often not the teachers IME. Nobody picked up that our DD1 was being excluded until her therapist spotted it when observing her interaction with the other children.

All who believe school 'knows' what is going on on the playground are , at best, deluded. School needs to ensure there's no physical violence, the nuances of children being excluded go whooshing over their capabilities to observe, most being short-staffed as is.

The school are observing and say he's fine.

No, it needs to be a bit more than that. I don't think the mother should be instantly dismissed. Or does it only work one way, i.e, when your child isn't the 'victim'.

All who believe school 'knows' what is going on on the playground are , at best, deluded

The school in question know a hell of a lot better than the keyboard psycholgists on this thread do, and they are deluded where they think they know better.

The school in question know a hell of a lot better than the keyboard psycholgists on this thread do, and they are deluded where they think they know better.

Exactly. Teachers do know what's going on a lot more than parents think they do. They also know an over fussy mother when they see one.

Snowbusinesslikesnowbusiness

we didn't make a fuss thank you. I actually said in the post that the school said my daughter wasn't exaggerating. 🙄

Burying your head in the sand and saying it's just kids being kids or toddlers being toddlers, was definitely not the right response in my daughter's case and I am glad the mother addressed the other child's behaviour. Who incidentally is a much happier child at the moment!!!!

Nothing to do with being a psychologist and all with logistics; unless a member of staff is hovering over said children every second of school time, it's impossible for school to know.
Is your child a bully, Snow?

What wakemeupbefore said. Kids can exclude and worse.