To be annoyed by random men calling me "sweetie"?

[AnnaPannocchia]

I noticed this pattern with a few men I met socially or on OLD, usuallly in their late 30s/40s.

Men who barely know me (on a first OLD date for example) who call me sweetie (or honey, love, sweetheart, etc etc). And then I notice they call the waitress sweetie as well. And the female bar tender. And the female shop assistant. And so on.

Is it me or this is a really sleazy habit? It makes me feel like I was a disposable Playboy Bunny. Or AIBU and overreacting to a completely normal behavior?

Playboy bunny from sweetie???

Louise I appreciate I may be overreacting and I am very open to being told IABU

My DP calls all his female friends terms of endearment though not strangers (it is a very new relationship). I listened and looked for reactions and saw that it was very much his way of conveying his respect and affection and was taken as such. So I am quite enjoying being called 'beautiful' and 'lovely' despite my die hard feminism card!

Wouldn't like it toward bar staff though and I would say so

I don't like it from random strangers and I will always say "If you don't know my name you can call me ma'am".

Terms of endearment are fine as long as they are from people who are actually dear to me.

I don't think sweetie is sleazy. I say sweetie a lot - to both male and female. Mostly children I suppose (so maybe it's more patronising than sleazy?) but would also describe someone as a sweetie if they were kind.

This wouldn't offend me.

I get called duck. Id rather be called sweetie especially as calling someone sweetie is them trying to be nice, calling someone duck heralds from a sarcastic reference (duke) to someone who thinks theyre better than everyone else

To be fair its both men and women who use it around here and not just men. It annoys me whoever says it though.

They're just trying to be nice to you ffs

Can't stand it. I get you alright darling quite a lot. Not sure it makes me feel like a playboy bunny, but it does make me feel like i'm just a little woman and i need to be called darling, sweetie, etc its a men are big and tough poor women need patronising.

Its different in friends. But i really dont like strangers doing it

I don't mind any terms of endearment from strangers as long as they're not saying it in a creepy way . They're trying to be friendly

To clarify my point, I don't have an issue with people who are close to me calling me sweetie/ darling/ honey. Even colleagues who do that are fine.

But when I am on a date with a man who does not know me yet, he calls me sweetie and then I realize he calls all the women in the restaurant/ bar the same, I find that a bit patronizing and uncomfortable.

I use sweetie for children so I hope it's not sleazy! I can see that it might be patronising but then lots of people do use "love/duck/my lovely/missus/sweetheart/butt/whatever" in everyday life and I don't think they are wrong to do so. I wouldn't say YABU not to like it but it seems a bit like trying to swim upstream.

Ffs how can anyone be offended by this?!

Do you think these men are the sorts of people who generally use terms of endearment for everyone, male and female? Buddy, mate, duck, sweety, love...?

It's normal where I am, and doesn't sound odd to my ears at all.

We call everyone love, sweetie, poppet, or a number of other words.
I wouldn't be offended, as I do it myself.

This is Millie Tant territory op. If it really makes you feel like "a disposable playboy bunny" then there are bigger issues at play.

Shatner they definitely only use these terms of endearment with women, mostly younger women from what I could observe.

Bleurch yanbu. I shudder when any stranger calls me sweetie/love, be they male or female. It’s patronising and I find it rude!

I don't like it from random strangers and I will always say "If you don't know my name you can call me ma'am".

SERIOUSLY 😳

How many times has this happened then? You're talking like every single date you've been on this has happened.

I'm also really not a big fan of being referred to with diminutives – there's something about 'sweetie' and many of those kinds of words that makes me think of the high-pitched "I've just had a complete lobotomy" voice that seems to fall out of me whenever I see a puppy.

Which is fine with puppies, but not so much full-grown women.

And the men who tend to call me things like 'sweetie' and 'love' and 'darling' don't call other men 'sweetie' and 'love' and 'darling' - they call them 'mate' or 'pal' or 'buddy' – not diminutives but words that indicate equality.

Having said that, I've also got into verbal habits before where I've referred to everyone as 'love' or 'sweetheart' and it's really been more like a verbal tic.

I trained myself out of it, but I do feel with men like this it's likely to be more of a cultural autopilot than something that derives from an underlying misogyny.

What that cultural autopilot then subconsciously DOES to people's perceptions of men and women is a different story, but I wouldn't take an individual event too heavily...

Vladimir no not every single date at all! I'd say in the last few years I met 3/4 guys like this. They all seemed to fit a certain type: a lot older than me, very successful and wealthy, smart and a bit flashy in their ways.

But thanks God the majority of men I met were not like that at all!

It think its all gone too far when its wrong for men to just be nice.

I will always say If you don't know my name you can call me ma'am

Christ! Has anyone every bothered to find out your name after that?

I quite like it. Doesn’t offend me in the slightest.

I will always say If you don't know my name you can call me ma'am

At this point I'd just stop talking to you, simple.