To be annoyed by random men calling me "sweetie"?

[AnnaPannocchia]

I noticed this pattern with a few men I met socially or on OLD, usuallly in their late 30s/40s.

Men who barely know me (on a first OLD date for example) who call me sweetie (or honey, love, sweetheart, etc etc). And then I notice they call the waitress sweetie as well. And the female bar tender. And the female shop assistant. And so on.

Is it me or this is a really sleazy habit? It makes me feel like I was a disposable Playboy Bunny. Or AIBU and overreacting to a completely normal behavior?

Grew up in the north where everyone, male and female may be called 'love'. I miss it! In Scotland it might be 'hen' to females! I don't find these terms patronising or offensive and don't really understand why you would see them as such - it's often a regional or dialect thing.

SERIOUSLY

Yes, seriously. I have a name. If you don't know me well enough to know my name, you certainly do not know me well enough to use terms of endearment with me.

Christ! Has anyone every bothered to find out your name after that

Yep. It's very effective. Makes boundaries very clear.

At this point I'd just stop talking to you, simple.

Seeing as you started out the conversation by being patronising, that wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

It doesn't bother me at all. But we are all different I can see that some would find it sexist and hence, annoying.

I call everyone sweet. Old or young, male or female. It's not something I ever think about, should I stop?

I call children (boys and girls) sweetie all the time, it's just habit. On the odd occasion I call an adult sweetie it's just the wrong word coming out; the last time it happened was at a security checkpoint at the airport to some security guy and I was embarrassed!

Because I use it for children, if someone regularly called me and other women but not men sweetie, I'd think they were a patronising git.

HighwayDragon1 -- if you called me sweet and called everyone else sweet too, I'd be fine with it! It's only if I notice someone does one thing for men and another for women that makes me think they're sexist.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard any man call anyone sweetie. Maybe love or sweetheart at a push, or definitely duck, where I live, but sweetie just makes me think of Edina Monsoon.

Well it's better than being called bitch - that said I cringe being called sweetie , luv , duck etc but am now sufficiently mature to fine other things to worry about - either ignore or politely smile and ask them not to call you sweetie

Ma’am

Yabu and overdramatic

calling someone duck heralds from a sarcastic reference (duke)
I believe it's from dokke or similar - "doll" in some Nordic languages.

Having lived and travelled in most parts of the UK I find the regional variations fascinating
Love, luvvy, dear, duck, hen, darling, sweetie, sweetheart, petal, doll, girl
I only really find the latter two patronising but then I am 50+

OP-according to Mumsnet it's lovely and affectionate and a compliment and you should get over yourself.

It is actually patronising and sexist and they shouldn't do it/should stop when asked.

If it's someone you are on a date with and they are also calling the waitress etc the same then it sounds like he can't be bothered to use your name or has difficulty with names...

I also find that if people are calling me a diminutive that doesn't indicate equality, I find myself calling them something like boy or poppet back. It's amazing how many men, particularly who talk about the girls in the office when talking about the women, don't like it when they get referred to as the boys in the office - the penny begins to drop!

This thread reminds me of that other thread about the man in the shop who called the cashier "love".

I don't like it from strangers either OP, and especially in a formal or professional setting. I've had a few guys refer to my partner as Sir and then me as love. That's not a guy trying to be nice, it's a man being disrespectful and seeing me as less important than my partner.

*I will always say If you don't know my name you can call me ma'am

At this point I'd just stop talking to you, simple.*

Why? You think what you want to call someone is more important than what they like to be called? You sound over sensitive if you'd throw a paddy at being asked to refer to someone in a different way.

Are all the women who find it offensive from London/South ? 🤨

Sugar I am from Europe but yes I live in London. I wonder if this is a regional thing I don't get.

I find sweetie aggressively patronising. I'm generally fine with hen, pal, duck etc. I think it might be because it feels age based?

As always these things are all about context anyway. I'm fine with hen from the window cleaner but not from a man who's incorrectly explaining my area of expertise to me. Some middle aged men people use these words to put you in your place to and you just know when that's what's happening even if you can't quite put your finger on why.

Anna yeah I was just curious (wasn't trying to be antagonistic ) I live in wales and have lived in Liverpool where most people used the term 'love' just as a friendly term

Context is all.

Chill Sweetie

FFS. You are not unreasonable to dislike men you date calling you 'sweetie' or 'darling' or whatever other term you deem inappropriate other than your actual name. But what are you essentially saying here? That you feel it's misogynistic because they happen to call the waitress 'sweetie' as well? And not just you? Or essentially that they have no regard for a woman's individual identity? Not all women should be grouped into a category of being called 'sweetie'.

What is the issue here? That you don't like your dates? Because if so then date someone else. Yes there is a huge penetrating acute sense of misogyny ingrained in our society but I'm not seeing what you're saying here.

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool radical feminist and I have no time for NAMALT arguments, but so what. It sounds more that you are dating the wrong kind of men for you.

I think I will be mighty depressed if people started referring to me as ‘Ma’am’.

Besides, I’m not royalty and I’m not in America. Stupid when people do that in the U.K.

Sweetie - it’s a bit patronising but it is a kindly term (unless he’s using it in a demeaning manor of course).