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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddlers in dirty nappies and not being changed.

32 replies

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 01/03/2018 21:52

I had visitors last week and their 2 children are both still in nappies. I provided a changing mat and facilities but both children were never promptly changed and the smell stunk the room out several times.

I had to keep telling them both that they needed changing. The baby was at one point going around with this bulging, bloated nappy hanging off his bum.

AIBU to expect parents to change nappies immediately. My daughter was never in a dirty nappy for very long if possible. She got nappy rash very badly and I would never let her sit in dirty or wet nappies.

I got really annoyed they kept delaying nappy changing. I felt they were both trying to get the other to do it and expected me to offer too.

OP posts:
PhelanThePain · 01/03/2018 21:53

Urgh! Why were they trying to delay it? Do you think they’d forgotten to bring spare nappies?

Baubletrouble43 · 01/03/2018 21:53

yeah, yanbu. That sounds grim. And a bit nasty!

MummySparkle · 01/03/2018 21:56

Once the DCs were mobile I would delay a wee nappy for a bit, mostly because they seemed happy and unphased by it. Poo nappies always got sorted as soon as we realised. I don't miss those days!!

Aeroflotgirl · 01/03/2018 21:56

Yanbu tgat is very neglectful.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 01/03/2018 21:56

They had plenty and I had some spares as well. Don't most parents change nappies as soon as they get dirtied?

I know if nappies were only slightly wet then I'd often leave it a while but never when they were dirty.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 01/03/2018 21:56

How old are the children?

I’ve read that nappies are so absorbent now that children don’t experience feeling uncomfortable because they’re wet/dirty as they used to which is why toilet training age keeps getting higher. Perhaps they’re trying to steer towards toilet training?

highinthesky · 01/03/2018 21:57

I felt they were both trying to get the other to do it and expected me to offer too. Poor kids. I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself from changing them.

Whatever their problem with each other, it shouldn't result in their children being neglected. YADNBU.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/03/2018 21:58

I don’t agree with leaving a toddler in a dirty nappy but can see a logic re wet ones.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 01/03/2018 21:59

I sometimes give DD 5-10 minutes before I change her pooey nappy because she's the queen of the two-part shit. If I change her too soon she will almost immediately fill the clean nappy so I let her poop, wait 5-10 minutes for her to poop again, and then change her.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 01/03/2018 22:06

I think just under 2 (maybe 18 months) and nearly 4.

I'm trying not to be judgemental but both parents seem a bit useless and I found them very frustrating. I'm glad they both work and others do most of the childcare. And I know how horrible that sounds but that's what I think.

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 01/03/2018 22:06

I treat my kids like I treat my cat- first sniff of a crap and it’s bejng dealt with.
Aside from the unpleasant smell, it’s uncomfortable to be sitting in poo. Specially as my ds is having ‘allergy poos’ at the mo 🤢

Imo it’s neglectful to leave it specially when you’re saying to them that you’ve noticed and it needs sorting. It’s cruel and unnecessary. I wouldn’t have those friends to mine again for a while if I were you op

thegreatbeyond · 01/03/2018 22:09

Grim. Baby DS is changed the very second I realise. Usually pretty regular now, though, so I know when.

I change him at least every couple of hours, though, anyway. Wee isn't good on the skin either.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/03/2018 22:11

YANBU. Always changed a nappy as soon as wet or dirty. Really grim not too. Poor kids

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/03/2018 22:14

Does the nearly 4 year old have special needs? That’s quite old to be in nappies, isn’t it?

SweetMoon · 01/03/2018 22:14

YANBU that's really grim. And a nearly 4 year old in napiesShock unless the child has a developmental delay of some kind or sn that's pretty lazy parenting. No wonder the nappies were getting left.

Steeley113 · 01/03/2018 22:16

I give my youngest time to finish as otherwise I’m changing him again 10 minutes later Grin and wet nappies are changed at set intervals throughout the day unless sagging round the knees. My kids seemed to have survived these methods lol.

ThisLittleKitty · 01/03/2018 22:20

I had the same thing recently. A friend visited and her baby pooed and she said she would change it when she gets home which is a half hour train in ride away! Couldn't help but feel baby for the baby.

Be careful about judging almost 4 year olds in nappies I got a mouthful for doing that on here.

NewYearNewMe18 · 01/03/2018 22:22

And a nearly 4 year old in napies unless the child has a developmental delay of some kind or sn that's pretty lazy parenting.

Not necessarily

chickychickyparmparm · 01/03/2018 22:23

I had a friend who would leave her eldest in shitty nappies as "he hated having his nappies changed". He was almost four, too. The rest of us hated having to put up with the awful smell, but the little boy ruled the roost in that house!

MammaTJ · 01/03/2018 22:36

Stunk the room out several times, how long were they there?

DS was still in nappies at 4, he never did a solid poo. You try potty training a child with constant diarrhoea! He managed it at 4 1/2, just in time for school at 5 (started on his 5th birthday).

BananaHarvest · 01/03/2018 22:38

Nearly four should be out of nappies unless they have special needs.
Revolting leaving soiled nappies on a child.

Original poster
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 01/03/2018 22:40

I'm not sure if any SNs. My daughter has poor muscle tone and it took forever to get her out of nappies. The advice we were given was that not all children developed the control and give it time. She took much longer than most and still has occasional accidents.

I had a potty, toilet seat and step stool for them to use but I don't think they used them. I think the nursery have him out of nappies as they send him home with a bag of dirty clothes sometimes.I'm not sure about what the grandparents do - they do a lot of childcare too.

OP posts:
CoffeenoTea · 01/03/2018 22:41

Being nearly 4 in nappies is not lazy. i can tell you from experiance. i potty train every day with my dc . my dc is nearly 4 and has no idea when they are weeing they can walk and wee and not notice also has a great fear if toilets and water. we are awating a specialist apointment.

MammaTJ · 01/03/2018 22:42

Sorry, did not actually reply to the OP!! DS did toxic poos, they meant that if I did not change him immediately, he would have almost burn marks on his poor little bottom. I would also change wet nappies quickly.

Leaving them to the point where they hang down is neglect.

MammaTJ · 01/03/2018 22:46

I think the nursery have him out of nappies as they send him home with a bag of dirty clothes sometimes.I'm not sure about what the grandparents do - they do a lot of childcare too.

This might be the issue then, not the parents using nursery and GPs for childcare, but them not communicating and deciding a joined up plan for potty training! It is not up to the nursery or the GPs to initiate this, but the parents. Could you maybe encourage this, advise them about it?