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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move out for second year of uni rather than commute from home?

57 replies

Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 20:03

I'm currently in my first year of uni in London, and beginning to consider accommodation options for next year. I'm living in halls very close to my uni at the moment (walking distance) and before starting uni said I would consider all my options for later years. My mum however has been very adamant about me staying at home after first year. She thinks I'll be making a huge financial mistake living away next year. The commute from the family home would be around 50 minutes to the main campus, not taking into account placement and sports matches, which are usually about 1 hour + away.

I hear where she's coming from about saving money but AIBU to want to move away from home. We have a good relationship but there's definitely a difference with independence when you don't live with your parents and the convenience of living in close to uni is great for me.

Would really appreciate your opinions Smile

OP posts:
sleepyhead · 01/03/2018 20:07

Who's paying for your accommodation? If it's you then it's totally up to you to weigh up the cost of living expenses against the convenience of living close by.

If it's your parents, then it depends what they can afford. Ds1 will not be able to go to uni unless he lives at home. It's as simple as that. Luckily we live very close to 3 universities.

MrsHathaway · 01/03/2018 20:08

I think living away from home in a shithole is part of the university experience, particularly for those doing a first degree at the normal age.

Are you the first generation to go to university?

DelphiniumBlue · 01/03/2018 20:09

Depends on your finances really.
My DS was paying about £650 a month for a fairly grotty flat share in a fairly grotty area a few years ago. His student loan didn't quite cover it, and he had fares of about £100 pm plus bills and food on top of that.
If you can afford it, then yes, it's great to live away from home and get some independence.

cardibach · 01/03/2018 20:17

Why is that sleepyhead? Surely he takes the student loans (which aren’t really loans) and gets a part time job. Living away from home and learning independence is part of the purpose of University.
OP - live away from home.

Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 20:22

I'm paying my accommodation myself. Luckily my student loan covers the cost with a little to spare and I'm working in summer to save some extra.

It's something that I'm quite keen on doing! My mum's just very concerned about the debt I'll leave uni with. We're not a particularly well off family so naturally she's worried about debt. I'm wondering if I'm being too short sighted?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 20:25

I'm not the first generation in my family to go to uni Mrshathaway, both my parents did but my mum did all her degrees for free so times have definitely changed!

OP posts:
whywhywhywhywhyyy · 01/03/2018 20:28

The way the student finance works out, it won't usually be paid off before it's wiped because of interest. Treat it as a future tax, rather than a debt.

Do what makes you happy.

MrsHathaway · 01/03/2018 20:32

That makes sense. She shouldn't be afraid of the "debt" unless you're taking out bank loans etc. It's just liability for more tax.

Tapandgo · 01/03/2018 20:46

Living away from home is part of the uni experience in my view. Wouldn’t you find it difficult moving back home after being away? You’ve one shot at this ~ do it the way you will not resent in the future.

Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 20:51

I would definitely find it difficult to move back home tapandgo which is why I don't really want to. I guess I'm trying to see if there's something I'm missing here, if it's really that bad a decision?

OP posts:
cardibach · 01/03/2018 20:53

I wish they’d call the loans something else. It isn’t really debt like other debts. You’ll only pay a proportion of any income over £25k and they’ll be wiped before they are paid unless you are a really high earner. Go for it.

Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 22:16

After speaking to her I've realised that it might not even be about the money. She said she doesn't understand why I want to move out and pay someone else's mortgage (in paying rent) just to love with friends. She thinks I can gain independence any time, it doesnt have to be now at uni

OP posts:
Sevendown · 01/03/2018 22:28

I’d say student house shares are part of the learning experience

SometimesMaybe · 01/03/2018 22:39

So important to live out if you can, university isn’t just about study it’s about growing up. It’s harder to be a part of real uni life if you live at home.

Armadillostoes · 01/03/2018 22:40

YADNBU-moving back into the parental home when you are financially independent would be a huge backwards step. The commute is also likely to have a negative effect on your studies. You will be more tired and there will be a greater temptation to skip classes, especially if they are spaced further apart.

It also sounds as though your mother might be having a bit of trouble letting go, and that attitude on her part isn't healthy for either of you. Spread your wings and make the most of your time at university. It is precious, and you have all sorts of opportunities which you won't when working fulltime.

BackforGood · 01/03/2018 22:46

I agree with MrsHathaway in thinkng that the living on your own, and transitioning from child to adult is a HUGE part of being at University. That said, mine took my advice and steered well clear of London. Rents can be ludicrous.
As you say you can borrow enough to cover the rent, then do it. Am surprised you can borrow that much though.

Slanetylor · 01/03/2018 22:47

I'm not so sure. Could you do half and half, live out until Christmas and then move home. This is as someone who is 40 and who's last student loan is being paid off next year. It has meant I've no mortgage yet and 2 children instead of much longed for 3 children. The timing of my graduation and was also problematic and I did an expensive postgrad. But I think life is so much tougher for young people now. And my friends who lived at home definately missed out on the full stendrnt experience, that's very true. But there's no comparison between our lives now either. Rent is much more expensive than it was in my time too and when you work you'll be paying much more rent from your wages too. My degree was free also but yours isn't either. You will find it tough from every angle.

Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 23:05

Backforgood I'm from a single income household so I got lucky in terms of finance because of that. This has got me wishing I didn't stay in London though, I would have to move out. I'm studying medicine though, and the course here is alot better for me than my other uni offers did. It overall seemed like the best choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 23:10

Armadillostoes I know it might sound like that but I'm not sure that's the entire reason. She supports the idea of me being independent but is against renting as a concept. If the accommodation was free she'd be all for it. She says I could do much better things with the money, like saving for my own deposit. Fair enough, but I think she's grossly overestimating how much I would save. Living at home isn't entirely cost free, I would want to maintain some of my independence by buying my own food, essentials etc

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 01/03/2018 23:40

Leaving aside food, how much will rent and bills be. Add that up for all the years you've left in college. If you could choose to spend all that money on anything would it really be rent? But you are doing a great course and likely to be a good earner in future so that's a plus. Also roommates are the worst! But still living in crap student accommodation is an important part of independence. I still recommend a blend of both if at all possible.

Sevendown · 03/03/2018 09:22

For medicine it’s different from other courses. You need to be close to your placements and the library!

WhataLovelyPear · 03/03/2018 09:33

Do what you want to, you're not ignoring your mum - you've considered what she said but even so it's not what you want.

Many moons ago, when xdh and I got married, we followed all the advice our parents gave us, bought the best house we could afford etc etc behaving like a sensible pair of 30yo homeowners. Fact is, xdh was only 20 and very quickly started to feel like he'd missed out on his youth. He eventually bailed and ran away to look very like a beach bum.

Whisch us a really long winded way of saying you're only young and carefree once. My advice would be to accept that living at uni is not the cheapest option, but you are prepared to pay a premium for what you really want. (And I can guarantee that every single person does this - including your mum. You just have different ideas about what's important.)

SuburbanRhonda · 03/03/2018 09:34

As a qualified doctor, you may be in a better position than most graduates with regard to buying your own home after uni.

However if you stay in London, it could be many years before you can afford to buy. Does your mum expect you to stay at home until you can buy your own home?

WhataLovelyPear · 03/03/2018 09:34

Argh, was trying to edit and pressed post
live like a beach bum

Lalliella · 03/03/2018 09:48

Definitely definitely don’t go home for your 2nd year OP. You’d miss out on so much of what uni life is about. It will be fun to share a house no matter how grotty with some fellow students. It’s part of learning about life. Going home after your first year away will seem very restrictive. Bump up that student loan!